I must be PMSing. Let's hope so, because the alternative is that I am a moody mess for no apparent reason. Of course that's not true- I always have lots of reasons, but they just don't really matter. I would like for my mood to be independent from my financial situation or the state of my relationship or how successful my outfit turned out. There is a diagnosis from my counselor from way back six months ago that is alarmingly accurate and I probably should not have read that today. Awareness is the only way to change a behavior, but some days are just not emotionally stable enough for long looks in the mirror. We got internet and the Wii is set back up so I am free to do Woga. Also helpful is the task of sitting perfectly still on the Woard and focusing on a candle. You don't need the Wiimote and I am the household master of that game- Ant's record is something like one second. It makes sense that yoga would help soothe my brain, but the candle exercise does too.
Not that I have the time to finish this, but the diagnosis includes an unhealthy and unhelpful obsession with lists and controlling others. Fabulous. I have been trying to just do whatever it is and not add it to a list, but work is hard because there is enough free brain space to think about other things while answering the phone. I'm working on occupying my hands so I can focus on the call.
Tonight I think I'll do some Woga and maybe a body test to see how fat my Mii is. I tested the other night and found that I met my weight loss goal from something like a year ago. Score!
I am feeling better now, if you did not notice. I may also bake some bread and set the timer to clean the bathroom. In-laws are coming to visit soon, what better motivation is there? They won't care, but I am never so inspired to clean the house as when company's coming. I suppose everyone feels that way- I can probably stop saying that now.
Part of why I feel better is because the diagnosis says to try to identify what I stress over. After briefly reviewing the symptoms and making just the smallest attempt to identify anxieties, I realized that my job is making me insane. Don't worry- this will not be CNA.
I knew this would happen, I knew I hated sitting in a box, I knew I would get frustrated and bored. The difference between now and then (besides ten years) is that priorities have changed- there are things at stake now. It matters.
So deep breaths and internal communication, a little mandatory relaxation and forgiveness are in order. And then resume.
