The danger in answering the phone while taking a nap is that it might be an asshole calling.
Perhaps I shouldn't have answered, as I was apparently still all confused and not quite awake, but nobody ever knows they're not awake. All I heard was something about "we have your cat" and my brain struggled through sleep and the snot from my cold. "What?"
"Are you missing a cat?"
I thought hard. I thought of Laxy, of course. I saw Solo up on her cat shelves.
"...not for some time."
"Well, obviously we've got the wrong number," the voice sneered, all attitudey.
"Wait... you found a cat?"
Laughter, then CLICK.
My actual next thought was: Now, wait just a goddamn minute.
If I had still been talking to a person, I would have actually said that, which makes me feel very old.
I feel old and confused anyway, so it feels like a prank. I wonder if it was.
I look at the phone and try to find another cat in my brain. Recalculate; are you missing something? The time to process crucial information has passed- the number is restricted. Now I'm just confused and struck awake and... mad.
I spent the past two days on my couch, filling Kleenex, drinking tea, mouth breathing, trying to warm my feet. Today was my first day back at work, and like always after an absence, my chair is all wonky, nothing was shut down, my stuff is moved... I thought I was feeling ok, but my short fuse, no sense of humor, and first glance from a coworker told me otherwise. They banished me to Urgent Care, where apparently the theme of the day was horrible sore throats. No attention was paid to my unexplained neck pain, which convinces me that it's meningitis, and I was assured after a review of symptoms that I have no strep, no Ebola, just a cold. Back to my desk I went, only to be further harassed by caring coworkers, and I gave up on much work by around 1pm thanks to the ceaseless interruptions that I normally juggle with easy smile. The Hulk formerly known as Lou Ferrigno was supposed to come visit the hospital today, but had to cancel due to illness. I find this an appropriate sign that I shouldn't have come in either, because I could feel the green monster in me lurching around. The sweet timekeeper was trying to help me fix my timecard after several failed attempts, and called me when our email conversation did not result in the correct amount of leave. I did a minor roar before grabbing the phone and realized that I might not be as well as I had originally thought. I managed to label my rage as cold-induced and put it away for the 17th time that morning. This was 9am.
Sparky gave me a comic book a few months ago. Did you know that there's a She-Hulk? Her name is Jennifer.
