And yes, it did take all day to write this.

This is going to take all day to write here and there, but here's what happened at science camp.

At first he said it was fun, fine, those one-word answers that come from a 13-year-old.  Suddenly it comes out that he had a terrible time and everybody picked on him.  Some kid that I shall call Harold is pissed because Ant talks to his ex-girlfriend.  Ant says he doesn't like this girl, she is just a friend.  Harold used to be cool but after the breakup he cannot stand to see Ant talking to her, so lately he has been tormenting Ant at every opportunity.  The whole time at science camp he’s got all these kids throwing insults Ant's way- the worst insults that boys that age can come up with- many creative variations of “You are gay.”

The lost consciousness episode was not with Harold- it was with some other kid.  Ant threw a snowball, accidentally hit this kid in the head, and invited him to punch him to even things out.  Ant suggested a dead arm, which this kid did, but I guess he decided that wasn’t quite enough retaliation.  On their way back to the cabin, the kid tried to throw another punch into Ant’s arm, but Ant turned and caught it in the stomach, completely off guard.  Those two are fine; there is no animosity between them.

So Ant said he was stuck in the cabin with all the loners, which sounds like a godsend to me.  “Isn’t that better than being with the kids who were making fun of you?” I asked.  Oh, well yeah.  So he said he would use his free time at night in the cabin to just lie there on his bunk, doing nothing.  In my search for a silver lining, I asked about what he had packed and if he had been warm enough.

“Not really,” he said.

“So you were cold AND miserable?”

“Pretty much.”

Sounds like camping! I thought.  Then I asked him if he’d like to sleep in the yard that night so he could be cold and just ok.  You know, transition back in.

So this kid Harold is being an asshole, other kids are joining in, Ant is lonely and cold… sounds like more than enough to deal with, right?  But then he tells us (through tears) that the chaperoning dad in Harold’s cabin was referring to Ant’s cabin as the gay cabin.  This guy was not only egging on the conflict between Harold and Ant, encouraging everyone in his cabin to pick on Ant and his cabin mates, he was also picking on kids himself.

I’ll give you a moment to process that.

Chris and I were horrified, of course.  It was my opinion that Ant can handle problems with kids, but when an adult steps in, we step in.  Chris agreed, but asked Ant what he wanted us to do.  Ant didn’t want us to say anything because he was afraid that the kids would be even harder on him if he told.  As it was, they threw food at him when the bus got back to school on Wednesday.  We were both a little rabid by that point and told Ant that we had to contact the school.  Chris said he would just ask that this creep is never allowed to chaperone again.

Then Ant said something pretty incredible.  He said he kind of felt bad for Harold, because Harold is adopted and his adoptive parents are lesbians.  Before you say: “What’s wrong with that?” let me remind you that this kid is somewhere around 12 years old.  Harold’s parents could be wonderful, but when the main insult at school is calling someone gay, having gay parents could make you vulnerable to attack.  Ant says that the funny thing is that while everybody at school talks about Harold’s gay parents, nobody really makes fun of him for it.  My guess is that Harold’s accusations are largely defensive, but the point here is that Ant was empathetic to someone who was not very kind to him.  I am beyond proud.

So Chris never got a chance to call the school yesterday- they called him first. Ant got into a fight.  Harold had been throwing gay comments his way since LAST THURSDAY and Ant had been shrugging them off.  Ant ignored it, not even insulting Harold back.  It had been continuous all week and Ant finally had enough yesterday.  They were between classes when Harold walked by Ant and said, “Suck a cock.”  Ant turned around, walked up to Harold, and clocked him across the head with his binder.  Harold fell against the wall and started crying.  One of Ant’s teachers sent the bleeding-from-the-ear Harold to the nurse and Ant to the counselor. 

As soon as Harold was cleared by the nurse, the two of them were put in some sort of small room to work out their differences.  As soon as Harold walked in, Ant said:

“You know why I hit you, right?”

“Because I said those things,” admitted Harold.

“AND…” Ant prompted.

“Because I was an asshole.”

But then Harold asked him if they could just forget about it and be friends.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Ant said.


Good for you, kid.  He’d have to show some friendlier behavior for a while, huh.


So when the school counselor called Chris, it was to inform him about the fight.  Chris told the counselor that this had been going on throughout science camp and that it was exacerbated by the chaperone’s behavior.  The counselor (let’s call him Fred for clarity’s sake) said they were already investigating it, but they did not know that it began with Harold and Ant.  Fred said he would bring Ant back in to collect a statement from him.

Yeah!  Go get that jerk!  I’m glad some other kids or parents have already spoken up, though everyone will think it was Ant.  We are quite proud of him.  It’s not every day that you condone smacking someone with a notebook, but in this case I think it was justified.  Ant put up with this for over a week by ignoring it and trying to let it go.  Some adult asshole made it way worse and urged more kids to pick on Ant and he still tried to ignore it.  He even empathized with the kid.  Finally he stood up for himself without taking it too far.  He made an impression that will not be forgotten anytime soon, and he didn’t take that kid down and beat him to a bloody pulp.  Then he talked to the kid in a pretty mature way, making sure Harold knew that he would not tolerate such behavior indefinitely AND while he could let the argument drop, he wasn’t going to immediately be friends.

Fred told Chris that Ant is one of the nicest kids at school, so it really surprised him to see Ant involved in something like this.  He doesn’t seem to be in trouble, but that chaperone sure is.  On Wednesday, when Ant returned from science camp, he was a miserable kid.  He did not want to return to school and who could blame him?  Yesterday, he was in much better spirits, and not just because he clobbered somebody.  He was happier because he had dealt with it and Harold had admitted that he’d been an asshole.  On the way to the bus, all the kids wanted to know what happened and Ant did not gloat- he didn't even want to talk about it.  He ignored the excitement.  And when Ant and I discussed this last night, his eyes got wide when I reminded him that Harold is going to have a lot of ‘splainin to do to his parents about why he was using “gay” as an insult.  Whether on a high or low, Ant has empathy.  Nice job, kiddo.

Ant Update

I feel all frantic to write this in the 13 minutes I have left for lunch.  I can't wait until I have internet at home again.

Ant went to science camp Monday- he gets home today.  I wish it was longer and not just because I enjoy vacations.  It's science camp!  I was checking the packing list on Sunday night as he corralled his stuff.  He got to label his underwear, which apparently is a childhood requirement, so I was excited that he got to check that one off.  Then he asked me if he could take a shower in the morning- not his designated shower time.  I said no and he begged so I asked why.  He said he didn't want to take a shower in front of other people.  Ahhhh.  Another rite of passage.  I told him that parents would probably freak out about group showers so there would probably be curtains.  Then I told him about basic training.  On the first night, everyone was trying to figure out what to cover with their tiny towels.  On the second night, they wrapped the towel around their head.

Unrelated to the shower discussion, he asked if he could go to camp this summer for a week or two.  I will gladly look into that.  Soon he'll be too old.

In other Ant news, I've been wanting to tell you about his Christmas list.  He actually made two: Reasonable and Unreasonable.  Someday I'll copy those down here for you, but one entry makes me laugh every time I go to the fridge:

hellacopter

That's not your normal helicopter.  That's a seriously bad ass HELLA copter!

So last night Chris and I spent our date night at McDonald's for the free internet.  We had to enter dates for the Freight House gigs and guess who got to do all that?  Then we hit Blockbuster and my blood sugar was so low that I had to stay in the car.  I was beyond wobbly.  I sat there for at least 10 minutes amazed by how poorly sealed the car door was and trying to feel the top of the window to make sure it was closed.  Eventually the apple juice kicked in and I realized that the door was open.  Ha ha ha.

Chris got J. Edgar and we went home, left the movie in my purse and passed out to Frasier.  We went to bed around 9- we were so tired- and were woken up at 10 by my phone.  I didn't recognize the number so I handed it to Chris, who answered with an appropriately gruff "Who's calling my girlfriend this late?" voice.  It was the camp director, who said Ant seemed fine, but had been rough housing with some kid who punched him in the chest.  Ant says he lost consciousness, which wouldn't be the first time he's said that when no one was around to confirm it so who knows.  The director said he had been checked out, no head injury, pupils were fine, etc.  Chris talked to Ant, Ant said he felt fine.  The kids were due back by noon today, so it was really just an FYI.  This morning I asked Chris if he freaked out about that phone call.

"Yeah, a little," he said.

I asked what his first thought was at receiving a call from the camp director at 10pm.

"I thought he was in trouble."

Also a legitimate possibility.