Saturday, June 4, 2011
Please don't show up as a link.
<a href="http://after12.failblog.org/2011/06/02/party-fails-dance-your-cats-off/?utm_source=embed&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=sharewidget"><img class='event-item-lol-image' src='http://chzallnighter.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/party-fails-dance-your-cats-off.jpg' alt="Party Fails - Dance Your Cats Off" title="Party Fails - Dance Your Cats Off" height="480px" width="452px" /></a><br />see more <a href="http://after12.failblog.org?utm_source=embed&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=sharewidget">After 12</a>
Horribly Timed Euphemism
So Ant and I got in the Dodge to run some errands and pick up Bubba. We hit Blockbuster and then McDonalds so I could get my Diet Pepsi fix.
"Jenny? Can I get a milkshake?" Ant asked sweetly.
Of course, soft food diet boy. I asked him what kind of milkshake he thought Bubba would like and we cruised through the drive thru.
On our way to Bubba's house we talked about him growing up. I told him I wanted him to remain 7 years old so I could figure out how to do this parent thing. He promised me that that wasn't going to work and soon he'd be coming home, going to his room, doing his homework and then staring at the ceiling or whatever teenagers do for hours and hours. We talked about his girlfriend. I told him I didn't want him hiding that stuff from me so I would try very hard not to make him feel like he can't tell me. He told me that it really wasn't anything to worry about because it's not like he's making out with them. Not like his friend Andrew who is destined for juvie. I told him he was fine, he wasn't doing anything wrong, but that making out is not all that far away. I remind him all the time that Chris became a dad at 17, and volunteered to be a dad at 15, and I just don't want that for him. Neither does Chris. "I don't either," he said.
Then he pointed to his milkshake and said, "Where did my cherry go? My cherry just suddenly disappeared!"
Oh... god...
I just stared through the windshield for a few moments wishing I had someone to share a look with.
Then we went to pick Bubba up and Rufino already knew what happened to Ant. Apparently when the school was trying to get a hold of Chris they called Elaine, which I knew about, and Rufino, which I did not. They did not call me or the house. Chris would have woken up if they'd called the house. Rufino said he'd come to get Ant, but he was not on the pickup list. I'm not sure why not, because he's supposed to be. They told Rufino they'd call Grandma since she was on the list. "She's in Topaz," he said.
I am very confused as to why
1) The school never called me
2) The school did not have the house number and
3) Why Rufino wasn't allowed to come get Ant.
We have to fill out emergency contact forms at the beginning of every school year. Elaine told me the school said they tried the house phone, but it was disconnected. The phone was not disconnected, they had the wrong number. I wish I found this out sooner but I will be at the school as soon as possible to correct all this misinformation. I know Chris's cell is the MAIN emergency number but we are supposed to have many contingency plans in place, including Rufino. I remember filling all this out again for 5th grade- where the hell did all that go?
I will be sure to insert myself as Emergency Contact #2, and this means that I will be keeping my phone on and nearby during class.
"Jenny? Can I get a milkshake?" Ant asked sweetly.
Of course, soft food diet boy. I asked him what kind of milkshake he thought Bubba would like and we cruised through the drive thru.
On our way to Bubba's house we talked about him growing up. I told him I wanted him to remain 7 years old so I could figure out how to do this parent thing. He promised me that that wasn't going to work and soon he'd be coming home, going to his room, doing his homework and then staring at the ceiling or whatever teenagers do for hours and hours. We talked about his girlfriend. I told him I didn't want him hiding that stuff from me so I would try very hard not to make him feel like he can't tell me. He told me that it really wasn't anything to worry about because it's not like he's making out with them. Not like his friend Andrew who is destined for juvie. I told him he was fine, he wasn't doing anything wrong, but that making out is not all that far away. I remind him all the time that Chris became a dad at 17, and volunteered to be a dad at 15, and I just don't want that for him. Neither does Chris. "I don't either," he said.
Then he pointed to his milkshake and said, "Where did my cherry go? My cherry just suddenly disappeared!"
Oh... god...
I just stared through the windshield for a few moments wishing I had someone to share a look with.
Then we went to pick Bubba up and Rufino already knew what happened to Ant. Apparently when the school was trying to get a hold of Chris they called Elaine, which I knew about, and Rufino, which I did not. They did not call me or the house. Chris would have woken up if they'd called the house. Rufino said he'd come to get Ant, but he was not on the pickup list. I'm not sure why not, because he's supposed to be. They told Rufino they'd call Grandma since she was on the list. "She's in Topaz," he said.
I am very confused as to why
1) The school never called me
2) The school did not have the house number and
3) Why Rufino wasn't allowed to come get Ant.
We have to fill out emergency contact forms at the beginning of every school year. Elaine told me the school said they tried the house phone, but it was disconnected. The phone was not disconnected, they had the wrong number. I wish I found this out sooner but I will be at the school as soon as possible to correct all this misinformation. I know Chris's cell is the MAIN emergency number but we are supposed to have many contingency plans in place, including Rufino. I remember filling all this out again for 5th grade- where the hell did all that go?
I will be sure to insert myself as Emergency Contact #2, and this means that I will be keeping my phone on and nearby during class.
Asteroid Belt: Attempt to Navigate
Ant at Wal-Mart the other night: "Boys only need conditioner, right?"
It's amazing how many things he says prompt that meerkat response from me.
Ant on our way to the laundromat last night: "You should be a teacher."
"Why?" I ask, thinking: Please be a compliment...
"Because you like to assign things."
Dammit.
"If I became a teacher for any reason, it would be because I love school supplies," I told him.
Yesterday we got talking about Field Day. Field Day is Tuesday. He's got a messed up grill. Does anybody remember what Field Day is like? I started putting that one together and saying "Uhhhhh..."
"I'll be fine!" Ant cried. Yeah, of course you think so! I involved Chris.
"Ant wants to go to Field Day."
"Okay," he said. Ant looked happy.
"He's on a soft diet for two weeks," I said.
"Oh... yeah, no Ant. You need time to heal."
This was right before we were preparing to walk to the dog park.
"Can I take my skateboard?"
Oh good grief, no! At least give it a few days to heal! Am I being overly cautious? No. Not only did the dentist tell him to knock it off for a while, but can you imagine me having to take him back in there with his tooth knocked completely out?
"How did this happen?" she'll ask.
"Field Day?" I'll say sheepishly.
On one hand I totally understand how he feels- first he was grounded and did nothing but reading and book reports for two weeks, he finally turns in the last one and the next morning he tries to take out a pole with his face. He's desperate to go play. On the other hand, yesterday he came home looking like this:
Yes, very close.
So Ant and I were waiting for Chris to meet us at the laundromat and we were talking about Field Day. I told him I would try- TRY- to wait to decide about Field Day until next week. I told him that if my answer would be no, and odds were good, that I would not send him to school that day. If I say no and send him to school, there's no way he'll be able to sit on the sidelines and not join in. Besides, that would suck. Instead I would just keep him home from school and we'd go do something fun.
"Like go to a movie," Ant said.
"You know what?" I asked. "Let's just plan on that."
I'm relieved. Ant was totally on board and that makes me feel much better about making him miss field day. It was a good solution, I think.
Then Chris showed up and Ant told him about our decision. "We're going to go to the movies instead."
"You and me?" asked Chris. "I'll be back by then. Or the three of us?"
"No, me and Jenny," said Ant.
:D Love, love, love.
The only thing making me even consider letting him go was how unhappy he is about not being able to play. I get it and I feel terrible about it... but oh well. The tetherball incident did not help his argument. And if that wasn't enough, he seems to have lost all motor skills. He can't walk down the hallway without tripping over something. He's falling left and right and I can't tell if it's just his way of releasing energy or if he suddenly just became ridiculously uncoordinated.
"It's almost as if your equilibrium is in your lips," I said.
"The problem IS my lip," he said. "I can't see my feet."
LOL
Ordinarily I review only movies, but today I'm going to review a board game that is based on a movie.
Zathura
For anyone who didn't see the movie, it's basically Jumanji in space. The house takes off with just the children in it and they have to defend themselves against a malfunctioning robot, evil Zorgons, and I can't remember what else. One amusing thing about the movie is that Dax Shepard plays an astronaut. Right? So we found this game at Savers 50% off sale on 50% of the store. We thought it was $1 but it was not on sale. I would have chucked it but Ant was so excited I decided to keep it. We finally played last night. I was confused as to why Ant was randomly cleaning the living room until I figured out that he was clearing the coffee table. Chris came in, sat down and said, "I don't want to play this! I'm tired! What if we get sucked into the movie?" One can only hope. Ant handed me the directions to read and missed absolutely everything I said because he was busy rolling the weirdly shaped die, spinning Zathura, and trying to flip game pieces out of Tsouris-3. As we began to play, it soon became obvious that this is not a game that anyone is supposed to win. On every turn you "spin" the dial which moves exactly one spot up or down. The only way to really "spin" is to turn it for a while and then just stop. Wow, a three. You're supposed to move first, then turn the key and press the button for a card to pop out. A typical move goes like this: You "spin" a three, only to find that you've landed on the robot and have to move back five spaces. Then you get your card and it says
Robot has Electronic Misfire and Attacks Ship: Defend or Move Back 5 Spaces
Hmm. Or you land in Tsouris-3 where you're stuck until someone "rolls" an even number and your card says:
Enter Cryonic Sleep Chamber: Lose a Turn
Seriously. We laughed in disbelief at what rotten luck we had. The game ended when we lost the last piece of our house. We all lost. "What kind of game is this!" Chris yelled.
We all started getting ready for bed but Chris knew I had the makings for strawberry shortcake and would not accept postponement. He made banana and strawberry shortcake without any sauce to make it slightly better for me. Not that you could tell what you were eating- it was COVERED in Cool Whip. Chris started heading towards the bedroom but I knew Ant was sitting in the living room so I redirected him. We were both surprised to see that Ant had set the game up again. "Oh no," groaned Chris.
Within two rotations, two of us were stuck in Tsouris-3 and one had to start from the beginning. I started sorting the discarded Z cards and found, as suspected, the bad cards outweighed the good cards 4 to 1. "How much did we pay for this?" Chris asked. We had already used our defense tokens and it seemed like every card activated the robot when Chris suddenly shot up to Zathura. On his next turn he said, "Watch this," spun Zathura and yelled "BAM!" as it stopped on orange and he won the game. I don't think he even stopped to see where it landed, he was already walking towards our room. Ant and I looked at each other. Ant called after Chris, "How did you do that?"
"It pissed me off. I was done playing."
I went to start the dishwasher while Ant put the game away.
"I want to keep this game," he said. "We don't normally laugh as much when we play other games."
True.
It's amazing how many things he says prompt that meerkat response from me.
Ant on our way to the laundromat last night: "You should be a teacher."
"Why?" I ask, thinking: Please be a compliment...
"Because you like to assign things."
Dammit.
"If I became a teacher for any reason, it would be because I love school supplies," I told him.
Yesterday we got talking about Field Day. Field Day is Tuesday. He's got a messed up grill. Does anybody remember what Field Day is like? I started putting that one together and saying "Uhhhhh..."
"I'll be fine!" Ant cried. Yeah, of course you think so! I involved Chris.
"Ant wants to go to Field Day."
"Okay," he said. Ant looked happy.
"He's on a soft diet for two weeks," I said.
"Oh... yeah, no Ant. You need time to heal."
This was right before we were preparing to walk to the dog park.
"Can I take my skateboard?"
Oh good grief, no! At least give it a few days to heal! Am I being overly cautious? No. Not only did the dentist tell him to knock it off for a while, but can you imagine me having to take him back in there with his tooth knocked completely out?
"How did this happen?" she'll ask.
"Field Day?" I'll say sheepishly.
On one hand I totally understand how he feels- first he was grounded and did nothing but reading and book reports for two weeks, he finally turns in the last one and the next morning he tries to take out a pole with his face. He's desperate to go play. On the other hand, yesterday he came home looking like this:
"What happened to your eye!"
Tetherball happened to his eye. What that picture doesn't show is the cut on his eyelid. After he got smacked in the face with the tetherball his eyelid started dripping blood into his eye. The other kids tried to get him to go to the nurse, but Ant said all he needed was a napkin.
Yeah, you're shaking your head and saying, "ANT!" in both puzzlement and amazement.
"I think I look like God of War," he said.
So Ant and I were waiting for Chris to meet us at the laundromat and we were talking about Field Day. I told him I would try- TRY- to wait to decide about Field Day until next week. I told him that if my answer would be no, and odds were good, that I would not send him to school that day. If I say no and send him to school, there's no way he'll be able to sit on the sidelines and not join in. Besides, that would suck. Instead I would just keep him home from school and we'd go do something fun.
"Like go to a movie," Ant said.
"You know what?" I asked. "Let's just plan on that."
I'm relieved. Ant was totally on board and that makes me feel much better about making him miss field day. It was a good solution, I think.
Then Chris showed up and Ant told him about our decision. "We're going to go to the movies instead."
"You and me?" asked Chris. "I'll be back by then. Or the three of us?"
"No, me and Jenny," said Ant.
:D Love, love, love.
The only thing making me even consider letting him go was how unhappy he is about not being able to play. I get it and I feel terrible about it... but oh well. The tetherball incident did not help his argument. And if that wasn't enough, he seems to have lost all motor skills. He can't walk down the hallway without tripping over something. He's falling left and right and I can't tell if it's just his way of releasing energy or if he suddenly just became ridiculously uncoordinated.
"It's almost as if your equilibrium is in your lips," I said.
"The problem IS my lip," he said. "I can't see my feet."
LOL
Ordinarily I review only movies, but today I'm going to review a board game that is based on a movie.
Zathura
For anyone who didn't see the movie, it's basically Jumanji in space. The house takes off with just the children in it and they have to defend themselves against a malfunctioning robot, evil Zorgons, and I can't remember what else. One amusing thing about the movie is that Dax Shepard plays an astronaut. Right? So we found this game at Savers 50% off sale on 50% of the store. We thought it was $1 but it was not on sale. I would have chucked it but Ant was so excited I decided to keep it. We finally played last night. I was confused as to why Ant was randomly cleaning the living room until I figured out that he was clearing the coffee table. Chris came in, sat down and said, "I don't want to play this! I'm tired! What if we get sucked into the movie?" One can only hope. Ant handed me the directions to read and missed absolutely everything I said because he was busy rolling the weirdly shaped die, spinning Zathura, and trying to flip game pieces out of Tsouris-3. As we began to play, it soon became obvious that this is not a game that anyone is supposed to win. On every turn you "spin" the dial which moves exactly one spot up or down. The only way to really "spin" is to turn it for a while and then just stop. Wow, a three. You're supposed to move first, then turn the key and press the button for a card to pop out. A typical move goes like this: You "spin" a three, only to find that you've landed on the robot and have to move back five spaces. Then you get your card and it says
Robot has Electronic Misfire and Attacks Ship: Defend or Move Back 5 Spaces
Hmm. Or you land in Tsouris-3 where you're stuck until someone "rolls" an even number and your card says:
Enter Cryonic Sleep Chamber: Lose a Turn
Seriously. We laughed in disbelief at what rotten luck we had. The game ended when we lost the last piece of our house. We all lost. "What kind of game is this!" Chris yelled.
We all started getting ready for bed but Chris knew I had the makings for strawberry shortcake and would not accept postponement. He made banana and strawberry shortcake without any sauce to make it slightly better for me. Not that you could tell what you were eating- it was COVERED in Cool Whip. Chris started heading towards the bedroom but I knew Ant was sitting in the living room so I redirected him. We were both surprised to see that Ant had set the game up again. "Oh no," groaned Chris.
Within two rotations, two of us were stuck in Tsouris-3 and one had to start from the beginning. I started sorting the discarded Z cards and found, as suspected, the bad cards outweighed the good cards 4 to 1. "How much did we pay for this?" Chris asked. We had already used our defense tokens and it seemed like every card activated the robot when Chris suddenly shot up to Zathura. On his next turn he said, "Watch this," spun Zathura and yelled "BAM!" as it stopped on orange and he won the game. I don't think he even stopped to see where it landed, he was already walking towards our room. Ant and I looked at each other. Ant called after Chris, "How did you do that?"
"It pissed me off. I was done playing."
I went to start the dishwasher while Ant put the game away.
"I want to keep this game," he said. "We don't normally laugh as much when we play other games."
True.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Some improvement.
I took Ant to see his dentist today. And I found out what he hit. Yeah, so Ant went to school early and sat on top of the pull up bars. He twitched, got distracted, something, and lost his balance. He has not drawn the frame by frame for me yet but here's the gist. He was sitting on the bar so when he fell he sort of swung, but he wasn't able to hold himself onto the bar and he hit his face on the pole. Then he fell completely off the bar and hit the dirt.
He said he could feel his lip burst when he hit the pole. According to the dentist, he was really lucky that his lip took the brunt. The broken tooth is not near the nerve, so that's good. Two teeth are loose but she said the ligaments will strengthen up around them. Ant is seriously relieved because the dentist put a little composite on the broken tooth and it looks reasonably back to normal now.
Okay, well his lips are still huge.
He said he could feel his lip burst when he hit the pole. According to the dentist, he was really lucky that his lip took the brunt. The broken tooth is not near the nerve, so that's good. Two teeth are loose but she said the ligaments will strengthen up around them. Ant is seriously relieved because the dentist put a little composite on the broken tooth and it looks reasonably back to normal now.
Okay, well his lips are still huge.
An afternoon off.
Quick post before I go find some lunch. I had my last Children's Literature class this morning. We finished early, which is wonderful. I read my story to the class and I'm a little freaked out about leaving it with the teacher until Monday. Of course I finished it around 1 AM so I did not take pictures. But now I really want to show you. :( I had Chris read it last night and he really liked it. He laughed and had a grin on the whole time, so that's my first review. Tracy has been my editor for many papers but I don't think we have ever gone back and forth so much about something I've written. Thanks to her help (Seriously, thank you.) the story felt really pared down and simple, but wrapped up nicely. I was so deep in it that I couldn't tell what it looked like so it was so incredibly valuable to have her guidance. Now I'm annoyed because I want to be an editor but she's got a serious ability for this. I told her we ought to team up and be an editing team.
I only have a couple hours before Ant's dentist appointment so I'm not going into work. I think I'll spend the afternoon reading. Or maybe I'll try to finish the book arts project. Yeah, I'm not done with that yet. But I look forward to sharing both projects with you ASAP. Today though... today might just call for a nap.
I only have a couple hours before Ant's dentist appointment so I'm not going into work. I think I'll spend the afternoon reading. Or maybe I'll try to finish the book arts project. Yeah, I'm not done with that yet. But I look forward to sharing both projects with you ASAP. Today though... today might just call for a nap.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
What the hell Wednesday
In today's crazy news...
I was the only one who read the novel assigned for the Children's Literature class and was invited to give an impromptu summary for everyone. TEACHER'S PET! Yes, why thank you. I thought maybe she'd give me extra credit for doing an extra presentation but I doubt I'll need it. When she was returning the quizzes she said that I once again received the highest score in the class. Yeah, that's right, I did. Uh huh.
Meanwhile, Ant left for school early to... horse around on the monkey bars, I guess. He fell and smacked his face on something, possibly the ground, I haven't clarified that yet. He broke a tooth.
This picture looks so awful. When my teacher finally let us out on a break that's what I found waiting on my phone. It looks like it ought to have a caption that reads, "RROOOWWRRRR!" Chris took Ant to the dentist. Not only is the prognosis good, but it's covered under the insurance! Whew. Ant is worried that his friend will steal the girl he likes while his teeth are all messed up.
I'm currently stuck at work doing nothing when I need to be home working on my children's story. It's written and edited thanks to Tracy so now I need to print it out in nice little chunks, paste it onto some nice paper, illustrate and bind it, now that I know how to do that. I want to hit up Joann's and Michaels for a couple of those awesome little Jolee things.
They are so CUTE!
I've always wished I had an excuse to use these things for something. Whatever I can't find I'm going to make because I am unnecessarily ambitious in my crafty endeavors.
My story is about Ant's first experience eating stroganoff and discovering that mushrooms are not terrible. I'm hoping to find a shopping cart, because I imagine that would be darling. I think I'll have to make the little package of mushrooms and I'm kind of looking forward to that. I also want to make my own bag of groceries. I would not want to make a shopping cart. I'm going to make the other things I need but I will also look to see if anything inspires me or is just entirely too cute to pass up. For example, after seeing the breakfast items above, I want to include an oven mitt. Eeeeeeee!
I was the only one who read the novel assigned for the Children's Literature class and was invited to give an impromptu summary for everyone. TEACHER'S PET! Yes, why thank you. I thought maybe she'd give me extra credit for doing an extra presentation but I doubt I'll need it. When she was returning the quizzes she said that I once again received the highest score in the class. Yeah, that's right, I did. Uh huh.
Meanwhile, Ant left for school early to... horse around on the monkey bars, I guess. He fell and smacked his face on something, possibly the ground, I haven't clarified that yet. He broke a tooth.
I'm currently stuck at work doing nothing when I need to be home working on my children's story. It's written and edited thanks to Tracy so now I need to print it out in nice little chunks, paste it onto some nice paper, illustrate and bind it, now that I know how to do that. I want to hit up Joann's and Michaels for a couple of those awesome little Jolee things.
I've always wished I had an excuse to use these things for something. Whatever I can't find I'm going to make because I am unnecessarily ambitious in my crafty endeavors.
My story is about Ant's first experience eating stroganoff and discovering that mushrooms are not terrible. I'm hoping to find a shopping cart, because I imagine that would be darling. I think I'll have to make the little package of mushrooms and I'm kind of looking forward to that. I also want to make my own bag of groceries. I would not want to make a shopping cart. I'm going to make the other things I need but I will also look to see if anything inspires me or is just entirely too cute to pass up. For example, after seeing the breakfast items above, I want to include an oven mitt. Eeeeeeee!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Country Crossroads
John Ascuaga’s Nugget is gearing up for a three-day country music festival! Country Cossroads features performances by LeAnn Rimes, Ricky Skaggs and Neal McCoy, along with country karaoke contests, songwriting seminars and free live entertainment!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Power Reader
Ant is halfway through and picking up speed. Periodically he comes to update me on the story. He thinks he'll be done by 3!
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