I've been doing volunteer editing on a project. I'm very proud of myself for overcoming the initial obstacle of... well, work. It was difficult to make myself sit down and work on this project, because it is huge and ambitious and very challenging. However, this could yield exactly what I asked for, so I couldn't let it pass by. Even if there is no pot of gold, there is- at the very least- experience doing what I want to do. And in order to get to that- to stretch past the kind of job I don't want to have for the rest of my life- I have to get a little uncomfortable. What's very exciting to me is that the hurdle was not nearly as difficult to overcome as I'd imagined. Maybe it's an actual change in me, or maybe I've just finally found something that really felt worth it.
Ant did well this last semester: 5 B's, 1 C, 1 A. I am very proud of the work he's done and his dedication to school. I think this situation is working out well for both of us, and while I know he'd prefer to be on his own, he doesn't find it so awful to live with me. I am enjoying this time, and I recognize that no matter what happens, I just won't have that much of it. It feels as though we are rebuilding the closeness that we lost so abruptly. I'm hearing things about what has happened during those three years, as well as things that happened right under my nose. It's strange having to find a new place to stand- one that is not a parent's, but almost, and missing the steps between 13 and now. In a way, it seems almost appropriate that there should be another missing chunk of time. I first met him when he was 3 years old, then he came into my life full time at 7. For five years, he was my kid, then gone for three, and now he is back in my daily world. I missed him a lot.
Things are good. I go out with friends a lot, and I am busy at work. This winter is cold and snowy, and my apartment is this warm and cozy place. Some nights I swear it feels like the Maggie B.
Actually, it feels a lot like the Maggie B.
It has been too wintery for tennis, so I am a little weepy and anxiety-ridden from lack of exercise, but the obligatory Nevada resident statement is that we need the snow, so I guess I'll have to come up with something else.
For three years, I have been taking Riley on regular excursions to PetSmart. It was a lot more often when she was attending class, but now I try to bring her when I need to buy her dog food. I let her wander and smell and scavenge bits of kibble from under the shelves. We look at the fish, the birds, the cats, and she is now too old and tired to snarl at most of the dogs that pull to say hi. I always peruse the clearance section and tonight I found the covered cat beds that I have been eyeing for... well, the last three years. It's a lot like this:
I always found them too expensive and while I suspected Solo would love one, I needed a better deal. Tonight I finally found them in the clearance bin, and for an absolute steal. I brought one home, showed it to her- it's so soft and cushy- and put it up on a shelf in her territory. She checked it out for a while, then crawled in and went to sleep. Can you feel my heart bursting with happiness?
Tomorrow's Friday and I have a nice (3 day) weekend planned. I am looking forward to some rest and reading, some productivity, some time with friends, and some time alone to watch movies and do a puzzle. And thank yous. I have some thank yous to write.
