Working on it

I must remind myself that it’s been less than a year since I’ve been on the pump, and this will ALWAYS be a process. The endocrinologist changed my basal rates, and I have been crashing left and right ever since. What I need to do is upload my data and send him the results. He’ll see it and give me new rates to plug in. I’ve got to calm down and pay attention enough to find a pattern, which coincidentally works with what I’m doing in another area. I’m tracking my total carbs, and circling which carbs are for covering lows. That ought to give me a pretty clear picture.

 

This has turned into a stay the hell home and rest week. I canceled tennis on Monday and Tuesday to rest my right side, and on Wednesday I came home to my AC blowing hot air and the smoke detector chirping its low battery warning. It was 87 degrees in there, and Jackson and Riley were panting. I called maintenance and opened up all the windows. Thankfully, the wind was picking up, moving some air through the apartment for the cat, but I took the dogs outside and we sat in the breezy shade until they stopped panting. I replaced the battery to the relief of all the animals. The maintenance guy came and fixed the AC and gave me a very gentle reminder to change out the air filter a little more often. By the time all that was done, I would have been an hour late to my mindfulness class, so I stayed home and took a nap. Last night, Ant and Kirsten were supposed to come for dinner, but Ant has a new job at a Subway, and is working a new schedule.

 

Tonight I’m doing a review with my class, then meeting a friend to proofread some work for her graduate level classes. I’m also supposed to help edit the final draft for a med school applicant. This weekend is filling up fast, and I intend to have fun and get stuff done, but also get some more damn rest.

The lights come on at 10:30

All I really want to do right now is write and process all these wonderful things I was just discussing with Dad, but why is it always time to get ready for bed?

Jackson is here- the impish wonder that is Amanda and Natalia's dog, and Riley has gotten used to him. Solo is busy hiding. Yesterday I spent all day rearranging furniture- sometimes the same piece 10 or 12 times because I can't picture what it looks like or if it will work until I see it. Thank god for those little plastic slider discs with the foam on one side- I was sliding furniture all over the place. I was too sore to sleep last night.

I like it better now- or for now, anyway. I think it will work better for my purposes, and Mini got a new cat shelf situation that she LOVES without costing me any more money or holes in the wall. When I did my lease renewal, I found out my security deposit was only $200. Hahahahaha.

I have to edit a paper before I can go to bed, and I am hoping to sleep tonight, but I wanted to put something down because I am busy accomplishing shit over here, and I want to document that. My wonderfully vague yet relevant horoscope says I am to balance valid greed and obligatory sharing, and I think those terms are timely, interesting, and laughably Jenny.

I am feeling stress, and I am trying to translate it to good things. I do feel good things around me, but I want this time- the time I need to write and think and produce. I am learning how to use my strengths to my advantage, and those things are neat- when I hit on one, it's like being catapulted ahead. I'm also learning to stop berating myself, when there are so many other people who can do that for me.

Thanks for the talk, Dad.

Hanging out to dry

Apartment living is usually fine, but sometimes poopy. Today it's annoying because there are 11 people and one washer and dryer, and everybody in the free world has to work the same stupid schedule. I am also frustrated because the price on that stupid washer and dryer just went up AGAIN and I suspect somebody here smokes inside their apartment because this year when I turn on my AC, it smells like cigarettes in here. Big heaving sigh...

All the more reason to keep making hefty progress on the stupid debt. I'm on track and it's funny- I keep thinking I can't make these hefty extra payments because what if something happens... but then I point out to myself that part of my goal is to have the credit card available for such emergencies and I do have money in savings. It's just a foreign idea to me to have access to those things, because I have lived so long without them. For the past few years, I was just too close to the bone, and before that, well... you know.

I'm very proud of myself for getting to this point. It is a slow process, to be sure. I expect to actually be able to move next year, and my plan has a lot more shape and seems very realistic now. Getting tired of apartment living is part of the process, and I've been pretty patient. I do love a lot about this place, and it is still my cozy home, but I am looking forward to taking my next step.