And on our way back from our windy walk...

...this big ass tumbleweed rolls in front of us out of nowhere, terrifying Riley. I chased it across the street to get a picture.

I deliberately walked through puddles, mud, and grass to get the poop remnants off my right shoe. I haven't been able to wear those for anything but dog walking because every time I get them clean, I step in more dog poop. Makes me insane. After an hour out in this windy but dry break between storms, I got my shoes clean. Hey, awesome! I can wear them to run errands now!

Then I get back to our little courtyard and find Angel- the adorably sweet lab- playing with her owner's daughter- a sweet little girl who never has a poop bag. Thus, my shoes have poop on them again. Fresh poop at the end of my walk. Excellent.

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Windy morning walk

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A Big Happy Sigh of Relief

Went to the Bighorns game. Had a great time- the only downfall was learning that I am inheriting Mom's inability to smile with her eyes open. We drank beer and ate sports arena food, talked, laughed loudly, watched a really close game, cheered and booed, and took home free hats. We lost, but not by much. It got really close towards the end, which is always fun.

Out of the two of us, I was the resident basketball expert- which has never happened EVER. I told Jenea my idea about a show. All I had so far was Elaine's Mike doing movie reviews, which would mainly consist of a rough idea of the plot (minus the parts where he fell asleep), but without any names or relevant details. Now I have a new segment: Jenea with sports.

"That blue guy just fucked up- I saw that!"

"The white guy just touched the blue guy's ass."

And after the game:

"We ALMOST won! Why do I care so much?"

Jenea was not excited about this invitation, but said she'd give it a shot because she'd never been. She had fun and said she'd do it again. :D

As for me, I am very happy. I had fun and found something I'd feel comfortable going to on my own. And did you know that Jeremy Lin came up from the Bighorns? I didn't.  So maybe I was right in the first place- this was a good day.

 

Score!

My apartment complex was offering half priced Bighorns tickets (Reno's D league basketball team) and Jenea agreed to come with me. I had to wait for Chris's funds and I thought this would be another failed attempt to do something that's been on my list for years. Basketball on TV is boring, but in person it's fun. I haven't been to a basketball game siiiiiiiiiiiince... high school?

Well, I went over to see if they had any tickets left and... yes, two. Ha ha ha, sweet! So how much? Oh, they're free. Wow! And supposedly good seats! Suddenly my day is brighter. Now I'll be able to afford to park in the garage! Maybe even buy a hot dog!

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Four hours to go.

Today felt like it was going to be a good day.  Maybe feeling sad and crying at my desk again is just part of the day- doesn't have to mean that it's now a bad day.  Maybe it's good- Rumi's quote: "The cure for the pain is the pain."  Good or not, it's apparently necessary.

I cannot spend my day like this, though.  I have to do something to get through.

I am positively clairvoyant.

I threw the comforter and everything that was on it off the bed so I could put on the clean sheets. I made the bed and started folding everything else, then took a break to shove pills down Riley's throat. We went back to peanut butter tonight. After a particularly delightful meal, Riley always rubs her face in the couch cushions- I'm not entirely sure why. Tonight she opted for my sweatshirt, flung on the floor with the bedding and not picked up yet. I was debating about taking that sweatshirt to the laundromat with me, but it wasn't dirty. I had the feeling that it would get dirty as soon as I returned. Now it is smeared with peanut butter dog face prints.

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Warning: Bitterness Ahead

I worked hard for that house.

Chris would get defensive at that statement, say that he paid, blah blah blah. What he never understood is that I was not discounting his contributions, but that there are a lot more contributions to make than just the financial, as I'm sure he's learning. And by the way, considering all his expenses, I think our financial contributions were pretty even.  Don't shake your heads at me- I did the budgeting. I know.

We spent a couple years at the laundromat with the vision of moving somewhere with a washer and dryer, never needing the laundromat for anything except washing the comforters. When we finally could move, we chose a house that had a washer and dryer, only to have the landlord try to say that their listing was wrong. Tough! I argued for that and I won't even go back over the other fights again. They gave us a washer and dryer. After a while, the washer died and Chris and I picked out our first major appliance together. We paid it off- interest free- and had an energy-efficient beautiful new washer.

But now I'm back at the goddamn laundromat. After spending all day sitting in a box, staring at the wall, I get to run home and greet my excited dog, take her for a short walk in the wind, then see her little face fall as I collect the laundry and head towards the door. I get to haul laundry even as my blood sugar crashes and it's worse now because there's no one to help me carry it. I get to go to the laundromat again as Chris continues to live in that house and use that washer.  That leads me directly to a lot more bitterness regarding his tramp and the rage-inducing thought of her sleeping in my bed, using my beautiful shower, touching things that I lovingly picked out over the years, eating off my plates, chatting with my stepson.  Meanwhile, I'll be at the fucking laudromat.

But this morning I found something that brings me joy.

When I moved in here, I got two house keys. I looked for a keychain to put the spare on, thinking I would have to buy one, but found I already had one. Either Mom or Dad got this for me in Indonesia or somewhere and it's been hanging on my bulletin board for a while. It's ceramic and I was afraid to put it with my main set of keys since they're always getting thrown around. This was perfect because it's one key that goes in my pocket when I go for a walk. This thing makes me happy whenever I look at it, put it in my pocket, or even think about it. This may be an extreme example of simple pleasures, but whatever works, right? So here- here is something that makes me happy.

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My spirit animal is a female donkey.

I have become a fan of Groupon.  So far, I have bought a half-priced massage, a radio-controlled helicopter, and what the hell else did I buy?  Good grief, my brain is shot today.  Something neat and half-priced.

Recently I updated my preferences and they send me Groupon offers all day.  There are all kinds of getaways that I can't afford, but almost could, and I'll be looking more closely at those soon.  It's all seriously discounted stuff to draw people in to your business or B&B or just to buy your awesome products.

Today there was a tempting offer of a sterling silver necklace- normally $130 but on sale through Groupon for $9!!!  Ooh, that caught my eye.  Now, obviously this thing is overpriced to start with (Who's selling this thing, Silpada?), but the necklace was pretty and I thought I might want it.  But how can they justify $130, even if that's their fake price? Here's the description of the necklace:

Crystal Fireball Necklace

Adorn necks with striking sterling-silver necklaces. Elegantly cut crystals dangle from each Italian-made chain, shining brightly and storing the essences of approximately 15 spirit animals apiece.


Ahhh.  How'd they get those in there?  I like how they say "approximately," like they know they're in there, just not sure exactly how many.  Gives it an air of authenticity, don't you think?  Yeah... I think I'll pass.  I'll go buy some $9 jewelry at Kohl's with a coupon and extra sales pass.  Not sure they'll contain spirit animal essences though...

Red Planet Day

Today was Red Planet Day, so I watched a documentary about the Phoenix Mars mission. I feel all special now because I did something educational.

I bought a laser pointer and have exhausted the cat. Riley responds best to cheese wrapped pills. I am ready to go to bed and it's only 8:30.

I did not go to the laundromat. I'll regret that tomorrow. For now, I am seriously considering going to bed early. The only problem with that plan (aside from being lame) is that I'll have to take Riley out to potty first. We're snuggled up on the couch all warm and sleepy and I'm pretty sure the cold will wake me up, not to mention be really cold, and then I won't be sleepy anymore. Can you believe the things I have to go through?

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Worst Jobs: Reno Meterologist

Somebody in here keeps telling veterans that regarding their requests, she'll "git 'er done."  Jesus.

Had a meeting with my counselor this afternoon and told her I was ok, but sad all the time and hanging on to delusions, unable to let go and unable to grateful for everything else that I do have.  "So then, you're doing great!"  Ha ha ha, yes, I suppose then I am right where I'm supposed to be.  I read an article on the plane- a very sad yet encouraging article- that quoted Rumi: "The cure for the pain is the pain."  Wonderful.  I'll be over here trying to get through my days.

On a brighter note, I've had several veterans call me "doll" or "sweetheart" over the past two days.  That makes me want to be a sweetheart.  I love that.  Maybe some people find that demeaning, but I think it must be in the manner it's presented.  No creepiness from those guys, just warm fuzzies.  Well, at least on my end.

Tonight it's off to get groceries and do laundry before the storms.  I'm told there are three, back to back, but we're supposed to get mostly rain.  Maybe it's time for Reno to flood again.  That's always exciting.

I was thinking I should get Riley a coat that has Velcro rather than her pullover sweater.  I doubt it would be as warm, but currently it's cold and I don't want to risk hurting her back by squeezing her in or out of the sweater.  And why don't I have a laser pointer to entertain the cat?  Serious cat owner failure.

I don't really want to be out doing either errand tonight, but the rain is supposed to stop soon and this is forecasted as our one clear night.  The wind is supposed to pick up tonight.  I am overhearing that it has started to snow.  Hmmm.

Ok, Tracy.

I like that I can clean my entire place in less than an hour. I tried to leave it in good shape, but I had a guest and we were leaving for a trip. There was no cleaning when I got home Sunday night and last night was focused on Riley, but I was already getting irritated by the mess. Tonight I worked hard for a very short amount of time and happily restored order. This was a feat, considering how sore my back is. I got my Groupon massage yesterday and those knots must have been fierce. Well, I know they felt fierce when she was working on them- often trying to remember to breathe. I drank water, I took the epsom salt bath, but today, oh my... ow. Did you know you have relaxes in other parts of your body than your knees? She'd be working her elbow into my hip and my arm would flail. I squirmed like a pinned insect. She got those knots, though- I may have to go back. Sooner this time, and after less stress.

So after cleaning my place through screaming back muscles, I force-fed Riley her pills. The cheese worked much better this morning than the peanut butter this evening. Then I held her and did her warm compresses. Now I'm passing out.

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Whew

Came home from work to find Riley up on the couch! She's clearly feeling better, maybe because we definitely got the medicine down this morning with the help of some cheese. Whew. Pain meds and extra people food- she must be loving life. And I am greatly relieved.

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But for right now...

... we're just sitting here together. She's happy to be in my lap and I'm happy to have her back.

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Ouch

It's deeper than what you can see here, but the vet said it was ok. I am to put a warm compress on it twice a day to help get rid of any drainage, then let it start closing up. She's got antibiotics and pain meds and I've got to figure out how to make her take them. I did some research online after tonight's fiasco and my favorite suggestion so far is to coat the pill in peanut butter and smear it into the roof of their mouth. It just sounds so cruelly effective, ha ha. We shall see.

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Poor Riley

She got injured at Topaz. They think it happened when she was playing with the other dogs and running around under the bushes. She must have gotten caught by a branch or something, but Mike never heard her yelp.

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That's great, but...

Received a gift from my aunt tonight that will guide me through the next several months, at least. It's all the good news about the future that I don't want to hear because it means that too much of what I love is already in the past. I cannot stand it.

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