Chris's grandmother sent me six quilted placemats that she made. They are so neat and exactly the kind of transition I'm trying to make: a little more adult but still totally me.
Mike and Elaine got me a big fleece blanket. Mike has the same kind, it's very thick and he says it keeps him very warm.
Love, love, love.
Apparently the containers are difficult to open.
She fell asleep like this.
I'm off to Topaz tomorrow for a movie day and some split pea soup. Now if I could just get motivated to get some things done. I'd rather just go lie down and read. It feels good to say that- thank god I don't have regular tv.
I need to keep track. Sometimes I forget which ones I've done before and re-donated. Thrift store puzzle deja vu.
Wiley twacks.
Wouldn't it be awesome if I could post more than one picture per blog?
I thought this looked neat, and look how well it came out!
...I suppose I could get up.
I dreamt I successfully led an elephant off the freeway.
Aaaaaaaaaand twelve hours of sleep later...
I could probably still take a nap later. But don't worry, I did wake up at midnight- when people were setting off fireworks outside and the animals were freaking out. Yay, woohoo! Zzzzzzzz
I thought I would save grocery shopping for tomorrow to give me something to do, but I realized I would have another fruit panic before then, so I headed to Winco.
Near the end I started scoping for good soda deals. Diet Coke was not a deal, so I drove my cart to the end of the aisle to check out the Diet Pepsi. Someone's cart was in the way. I looked up to see... the couples counselor Chris and I went to. I bolted.
This woman had been so kind to us both- we never felt excluded or like she was taking sides. I adored her. There were so many things she was right about. I just couldn't imagine telling her what happened.
Not that she'd ask, I'm sure. She would not be like that lady who turned out to be nothing like Patch Adams. I bet they go through training not to mention the significant other unless they are brought up. I couldn't think of all that, though. All I could do was turn and drive my cart away fast enough without attracting attention. I bought my groceries and left.
In the car, I had that imaginary conversation where I told her what happened. Or at least, what I think happened. How would I possibly summarize that in a grocery store? I feel like it deserves more than a shaking head or the "It's done" thing I keep saying. It's not done. It's still here because I keep having these moments where I look around and wonder what the hell is happening. "But..." people tell me... Yes, yes, wonderful things are coming, I'll be better off, all the things I know and don't care about. I know the sun will shine. I don't need the "but," just acknowledge that it's raining. I'm learning that people lose all empathy once they find out he cheated and did other horrible things, as if that should negate all love and leftover feelings. Thank you for declaring him a worthless dirtbag; I disagree. You may also deem me insane and emotionally retarded and I will try to retain composure and remind you that I loved him and his son. I still do and always will. Sorry. Did I deserve that treatment? No.
Seeing our counselor reminded me of the day in her office in 2010. School had already started before I was informed that I would not be receiving financial aid that semester. We were back in a dark apartment, going to the laundromat, hosting yet another non-paying roommate. Chris said he didn't want to be together anymore. He drove us home and I took the dogs for a walk. It was a hot day and we rested in the grass. There was another dog and Jasmine yanked and broke my hand. I learned to write left-handed and fought for B's; Chris said he wanted to stay together, and not just to help me. In the spring he said he wanted to marry me. Our counselor told us nothing would break up a relationship like planning a wedding. Then, as one of her "success stories," she cut us loose.
That must be a depressing job.
My plan for tonight was to read, write, watch a Frasier episode and laugh, do a puzzle and write letters, take a bath, eat a salad, indulge a little. Now it's 8 and I'm on my second beer and I'm thinking that tomorrow can be most of that. Tonight, I am not match for the weight that pulls me to bed and rest. I think, "Did I really just get here yesterday?" I came home and was so pleasantly surprised by how clean and spare my apartment was. It has been a long, rough ride, and if I am going to make it through, I'm going to need some rest.
I just bought a ticket to go see the Harlem Globetrotters all by my damn self. This is another item on my list that I never got to do in all the time I've been in Reno. Suddenly I realize another small, good thing in all this mess: it's much easier to afford to pay for one ticket. Even with this Groupon deal, it would have cost $100 to take the three of us. Here's to my first solo sporting event. It's New Year's Eve and I have already dedicated myself to one solo outing- a good, brave step towards embracing this change.
This was Riley- all day long.
I think you were right, Tracy. She must have focused on that key word because she stopped doing panicked laps after I told her we were going home. She started that up immediately at 5:30 this morning on the freeway in the dark when all the lights and signs were still blurry. I had a sleepiness and exhaustion that I did not have Monday and thought I would not be able to contend with her pacing all day. I was using all the same soothing words to comfort her that I had on Monday, but this time I could say we were going home. She looked at me, laid down, and stayed put the whole trip. She looked out the window and sometimes napped, and was the delight of many other drivers.
At home, she ran in to greet the cat, flopped onto a pillow, and sighed. Then she played with her new toy (a Christmas present from Pop) and went to bed. I wasn't far behind her.
I took a loooooooong nap and now I'm ready for a small dinner, a shower, and bed again. I made the trip in ten hours, which is what google clocked, but straight through. I made three stops and hauled ass. I'm glad I left so early- it started snowing around all the Donner-related areas (Really, every time I'm up there in the winter, I think those people were crazy to try to cross the mountains so late in the year. Batshit.) It was around 2:30-3, but the trees provided a lot of shadows and the melting snow was running across the road. As soon as the sun was down, that would all become ice. But the freeways were in good shape, no restrictions, and the side streets were still ok.
Well, that was an adventure. Thank god I have Tuesday off.
I'll be officially getting up in about ten minutes so I can leave San Diego at 5 and hopefully make it home by 4. Jody called and said the roads have been horrible in the mornings, ok in the afternoons, and horrible again at night. She said it was snowing right then, and the road was covered in the time it took to feed my cat.
I'm going to take the 5 back, and hopefully haul ass to make up for whatever time I'll lose in the mountains. It's supposed to be ten hours, so we're estimating 11 at higher speeds and fast refuels/potty breaks. Dad estimated when I should be where on the way down and updated my ETA as I checked in. He worked out the same thing for the 5, so he'll be keeping tabs. Today is supposed to be clear. The other day I read that I'll be driving through the snowiest city in the U.S.: Blue Canyon, CA. Wouldn't you think that would be somewhere in Alaska?
Jennyway, here's to a safe, efficient journey home.
