Diabeetus Problems

I didn't think my sleep was THAT fitful, jeez...

Nacho Ranch

I have a lot to get rolling on, but I wanted to share this with you.

So today was Ant's last day of exams and he's off tomorrow for an early start to winter break, so he was headed to Kirsten's. He was waiting on me to drive him, and I got home late. His chores were finished and he was anxious to go, but I needed a few minutes to eat, as my blood sugar was low. He was texting Kirsten, who said they had just gotten pizza and asked Ant to bring ranch dressing, because she couldn't eat pizza without it.

We just ran out of ours last night, or I'm sure he would have grabbed it. Ant tells me all this, and of course my first thought is about where I can stop to get... wait a minute. No! He didn't ask me, mind you- I just do that. But I didn't offer- I thought for a second. "Ok, well... I need to get some cash for your allowance, so I'll tell you what. We'll go to the shopping center where my bank is, I'll get your cash, and if you want you can go into the grocery store and-"

"Meet at the checkout?" Ant asked.

"Nope. You can buy it with your money."

"I'm not buying her ranch." He texted this update and waited for a response. "She says she'll kill me if I don't bring ranch... I'll be alright."

AHA!!!!!

Yesterday's Blog

I went to Smith’s this morning hungry, and didn’t buy a doughnut.  I had to get a new something for the potluck (brought the other to a friend’s house) and forgot to pack my breakfast. I bought some imitation cuties (which I’m going to aggravate myself over for the next week and a half, because they never peel as easy) and some unsweetened iced tea. Seriously, I wandered through the bakery section and out again without buying my breakfast there.

 

What item is currently in my purse?

a) a small jar of jalapeño jam

b) a National Geographic magazine

c) a windsock

d) a hammer and nails

 

This morning, Ant asked me what a good name for an owl would be. He said his friend just got a pet owl that he’d ordered online. Suddenly, I was no longer entertained. I could see how I looked to him- like some overzealous PETA advocate who takes things too seriously. I don’t imagine there would be tons of carnivorous PETA members, but other than that, he’s mostly right. And yes, I do recognize the contradiction. But Jennyway.

 

He saw this online purchase as no big deal- just thought it was cool that his friend got an owl and wanted to leave it at that. Our conversation very quickly derailed as I threatened to show him documentaries on wild animal trade. When we got to: “I don’t need to watch a documentary just because I like owls,” I decided it was time to walk the dog. I took Riley out and breathed in some cold air and thought about what I wanted to say next. I tried to compare my experience to his and while I do think I did a large amount of weeping for the world when I was a teenager (and ok, maybe a bit longer than that), I also recognize that he has always been kind to animals. I thought I wanted to tell him that his thoughts scare the shit out of me and he needs to widen his view. But that’s ridiculous. He is right where he’s supposed to be at this age, and while some teenagers have a bigger sense of the world, this is a time when they are undercooked and self-involved. I mean, my martyred view of the world did not propel me into action, just paralysis. Also, as far as constructive conversation goes, that would get us nowhere. So when we reconvened in the kitchen, I told him the same thing I used to say when we lived together before: that everything- EVERYTHING- has a good and bad side to it, and it’s not fair to look at just one side. (And that goes for me too, because I can certainly see how cool it would be to have a pet owl because they are really neat creatures and I’m trying really hard not to add a but in here.) Ant immediately acknowledged that, and said he could see how it might be a problem to order an animal online, and of course he’d want them to be well taken care of.

 

I suspected that it was illegal, so I just went to look it up. I checked the U.S. Fish and Wildlife website too, but this one lays it down specifically related to owls.

 

http://www.internationalowlcenter.org/owls-humans/owlsaspets

 

The short answer is: of course it’s illegal. Without spending the next few hours researching the laws and definitions and classifications and permits and varying species of owl, I am reasonably comfortable with the assumption that you should probably not be buying an owl online. I’m also reasonably sure that this friend didn’t buy it himself, which makes me want to slap the idiot who bought it for him, then turn him in. This is why government regulation is so often necessary- because sometimes people lack common sense. It’s understandable- I often find myself short on it, but there are reasons for laws and consequences for our actions. There’s my wildlife tangent.

 

What am I going to do about this? Show Ant what I found and talk with him about it. Let him see the reasons and share those with his friend. I probably can’t call the owl SWAT team, but if I can find out enough information, you can be sure I’ll relay that to the people whose job it is to make that determination. Maybe this kid is out telling the world anyway, and enough people will react with something other than “Oh, that’s cool.”

 

My purpose here was not to go on an owl tangent, but when was the last time you had one of those?! Really, I just wanted to say that I’m all crazy lately trying to accomplish too many things and I’m having to cross or postpone things off my many lists and I have to remember at the center of this- what’s really important to me- are the relationships I have, and I find that my patience is too fragile under stress. Granted, teenager brain is very trying, and the things I think that just make sense- elemental things- are not yet solidified for him. For example, rinsing dishes and putting them directly in the dishwasher to avoid congealed food and an annoyed stepmother- that one takes daily prodding. Last night I asked him why I have to tell him that over and over. At first I got the standard “I don’t know,” but when he saw I wasn’t accepting that, he explored a little further and told me he thinks he’ll come back and finish it later. That at least reminds me that it’s not intentionally disrespectful, but I did say that it feels that way.

 

At least five times a day, I mentally apologize to you, Mom. I really didn’t see the big deal, I really didn’t mean anything by it. It’s funny how when your perspective changes, you just incorporate it in without tracking the shift.

 

Yep, I get to practice my communication and patience and perspective daily, and last night I found myself wondering why I get mad so easily. I felt like I should go live in the woods for a year- no isolated cabin, crazy eyes, or collection of guns, but actually out in the woods building my own shelters and killing my own food. I bet that would help me sort out anxiety from real problems. Ant called me a hoarder recently, and while he amended that thought considerably, I have been looking at what I have. I see the same problem there as in many places: unfinished projects. Those things have nagging attachments, and while it feels good to finish something- anything- the nice feeling of completion doesn’t last nearly as long as the procrastination does.

 

As for Ant, I was happy with the way our conversation ended this morning- he said it would be bad if animals were sent through the mail, then giggled about the idea of me sending him to L.A. that way. “You can expect him in about 3-4 days. I put snacks in there, but you’re gonna want to have some food ready.”

 

I’m no kid in a kid’s game

I did what I did, I’ve got no one to blame

But I don’t give up- no, I don’t ever give up

It’s all I’ve got, it’s my claim to fame

-Patty Griffin

The answer is b. A friend gave it to me for the article it has on the teenage brain.