Fourth

Conversation with my coworker today:

 

Jenny:  What are you going to do this weekend?

Coworker:  sunday I want to go see World War Z.....

Jenny:  It is awesome.

Coworker:  did you see it????

Jenny:  I did with my dad last weekend.

Coworker:  so these zombies, are they dead or are they diseased people like in I Am Legend

Jenny:  I'm telling you nothing.

Coworker:  JENNNNYYYYYYY dont be mean

 

Jenny:  HAHAHAHAHA

 

So can I confess that I have no plans for July 4^th?  I was trying to go to San Diego and drink beer on the water with Dad, but I got denied leave.  Now I’m trying to find a way of going to watch the fireworks.  I spend all my time in Reno and it will be blazing hot this weekend, so I’d like to go to Tahoe, where it’s much cooler.  Plus, their fireworks are awesome.  What we always did was drive to the west side of the lake and find our own little spot and bring the dogs, eat sandwiches, play outdoor games, and wait for the fireworks.  It’s a little remote on that side, but that’s exactly what I want- just an easy place to park, somewhere I can take the dog, somewhere I can put my chair, eat my sandwich, read a book, and try not to drink too much water so I won’t have to pee in front of others.  My fears are that I would run into them doing the same thing and/or being harassed/raped/beaten/mauled by nefarious creatures.  But I could bring my pepper spray to fend off attackers/bears/cheating ex-boyfriends.  I thought I would try a different beach or one of the resorts, but it is SO crowded up there that when the websites recommend getting there early, they mean early morning.  People spend all day there.  I don’t want to spend all day there.  I do want to see the fireworks.

 

I got a brainstorm and checked my meetup groups for activities.  One hiking group has something planned, but that’s the one hiking group I haven’t joined.  I joined (pending approval) and can’t even read the difficulty rating on that until/unless I’m approved.  And from the looks of it, this group is probably not for me.  They like difficult hikes and have a “scrambling rating,” which goes from walking over rough terrain to climbing boulders.  If it’s an easy hike (What they call easy is… not.) then I’ll go, just so I can go do something neat on my own instead of sitting sadly by myself.  Well, I’ll try not to be sad, and I’d bring a happy book.  I want to take Riley, so that means we can’t be right under the fireworks.  Besides, I probably can’t get in close anyway without showing up WAY early and I can’t stand around looking uncomfortable for that long.  Ugh.

 

The other option I can think of is to stay in town and climb Huffaker Hill.  Lots of people go up there to watch the fireworks downtown.  That option does not have the same appeal, but I could bring my chair and my dog, and it wouldn’t take me until 1am to get home.

 

Ideal situation:

 

Drive to Tahoe, find the perfect last parking spot and there are already friendly unfamiliar people there.  They like Riley and offer her cuddles and cookies.  They offer me periodic conversational exchanges, allowing me to be alone while letting me know that they will neither attack me or stand idly by, should I be attacked.  They compliment my excellent taste in books and offer me the use of their vehicle to pee behind.  I feel comfortable enough to say things to them without needing to join them.  I eat a tasty sandwich or cold fried chicken and put my feet into the icy water when I get too warm.  Riley finds sticks to chew on and people find her begging adorable.  The time passes comfortably without sunburn or boredom and the fireworks make me happy.  When the show’s over, I listen to the cheers from around the lake, pack my stuff up, and go listen to NPR in the car for a while, letting the traffic ease up.  When I leave, the tangles are just releasing, and I follow the line of taillights back into Reno.  I get home late, but not too late, and when I wake up in the morning and go to work, I feel refreshed and happy.

Good things...

...to think of on my break so I can be happy:

My work day/week is almost over.

My blog title from yesterday is still making me laugh.

I have cut cantaloupe in the fridge at home.

I have three movies to trade in at Blockbuster.

My apartment has air conditioning, the house I left does not. :)

I can spend all weekend lying on my couch watching movies in the AC.

I still miss being a smoker, but I haven't even had a puff since... 2009?

I love my tiny silver wishbone necklace, even if some waitress thought it was a tooth. (!?)

I might just take Riley and my very pale legs to the river this weekend.

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Bad, Bad Leroy Brown Dog

Came home to find that Leroy was out again. He's a very cute and shaggy little boy that lives nearby and loves to escape. I grabbed my extra leash out of the car (that's right) and followed him home, juggling groceries along the way. His mom was not home, so I tried to read the phone number through all his hair. It was difficult because Leroy fell right over and asked me to pet his belly. I called and told his mom I had him, and she started yelling at her mom.

"Did you let Leroy out?"

"He got out," I heard in the background.

"Why didn't you go get him?"

Indecipherable defensive noises.

"Dammit, Mom, you can't just leave him out there!"

Meanwhile I just wait. She comes back on and says she's out but will come right back- could I maybe put him inside the patio wall?

"It's pretty hot out here," I said. "You've got my number, I'll just take him home and get him some water."  She thanked me.

At home, Riley was ecstatic. Leroy was panting and flopping down on the linoleum, so I asked Riley to wait a little before we went back outside. He drank water, smelled Riley, smelled the apartment, and cautiously smelled Solo until the excitement wore off, and then his mom called. She was grateful, he was relieved, and I stored Leroy's contact numbers in my phone. This was not the first or the second time I've brought him home. Seeing as how he's not fixed, I doubt this will be the last time I catch him running free in my neighborhood. At least he's friendly and easy to catch.

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Mini movie blog

Liberal Arts was a much better movie than I thought it would be. The trailer made it look kind of gross and stereotypical, but something about it struck me as funny in a life is weird kind of way, so I gave it a chance. It WAS good, and interesting, and not cliched at all. Nicely done.

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Try titling it this time

I went to Zumba. In something like sixty days, this will be an automatic part of my schedule.
Whiny part about not having enough time to do anything in the evenings, spending hours and hours in a box...
But Riley and I just wandered through the complex, smelling the air, looking for squirrels, running away from sprinklers. Mini keeps running out onto the porch, flicking her tail and making those weird cut meows when a bird lands in the tree outside. I may have to put that net up after all.
Feet hurt, legs hurt, but in a good way. Feet propped up, Riley dozing, Mini outside watching traffic, quiet movie on. Good.

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No dice

Yeah, they should have called that movie In the Company of Four Year Olds.

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Battery low, just pick a title

I just spent AN HOUR on the phone with AT&T. What's more impressive: that, or the fact that I did not spend that time bitching and flinging expletives?

Remember the cable that I finally got suspended at no charge until the contract is up in August? I got a sudden bill with a threat to cut off my service. (Are you paying attention, AT&T?) Turns out, the bills were being emailed to Chris, who probably never even noticed them.

The suspension does cost, but not much, and they're waiving the fees. Suspensions are usually reserved for things like deployments and natural disasters. I told the woman why I had suspended service, and she said that definitely qualified as a disaster. :D

She was fair in her resolution and worked through all the kinks she encountered, unraveling the mess and setting it straight. She single-handedly restored my faith in AT&T.

Now it's time to curl up with the animals on this gloomy evening and watch In the Company of Men, which I somehow got the idea was some heroic WWII movie, but is actually about some guys in a corporate environment who devise ways to get back at the women they think have done them wrong. The MPAA label warns of "emotional abuse." Tracy says I should not even watch it. If it's really awful, I'll put on some Roseanne, as she suggested. I was watching an episode the other night where Dan was making his world famous chili. They're in the middle of this scene in the kitchen when suddenly Dan looks straight at the camera over his chili and starts doing a Julia Child cooking show impression. Winner, Best Show Ever in the category of laughing so loud you scare the neighbors.

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Restoration

Well, that went well.

I offered the gift of space to my Topaz family and was vetoed. Actually, a little chewed out and then resoundingly vetoed. It was made clear to me that there will be never be rejection from their end, only from mine and only if I need such distance for my own peace of mind. If that tie is severed, it will be my doing and only if I am unable to move on. Great, so it will be my horrible deed done for weak reasons. I told him I didn't know if I could handle it, but I'd try, and if I decided I needed to let it go, I'd like him to respond a bit gentler and let me go with kindness and understanding. Although, there is something to be said for people who outright reject your proposal to give them space. Looks like this won't be any easier than losing my relationship and suffering through its aftermath. I can deal with seeing my Topaz family, not to mention Ant- what the hell am I going to do about Ant- and just stretch my heart out to accommodate even more hurt, or I can be the bad guy who leaves because I'm weak. No, that's not it, but that's what it'll look like to the people who are hurt.

The next person to tell me to get over it or move on gets the nearest heavy object chucked at their mouth. I'm trying to do just that, can't you see that? And you know what? I'm doing pretty good. Should I be further along? I'd rather deal with it now than carry it around for the rest of my life. I do feel like picking up a hammer right now and fucking DESTROYING something. You know, smash the shit out of something partially breakable, partially dentable and just whacking the absolute life out of an inanimate object while wailing and screaming and eventually collapsing on the floor in great, heaving, hiccuping sobs that go on for a while until rolling into the fetal position and submitting to silent, choking sobs until passing out. Imagine the sleep you'd get!

I think I am going to work on creating an area of my apartment that is not allowed to have any negative thoughts.

Speaking of which, I think I am done for the night.

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