There's another 3 day weekend coming and I'm gonna try to pick 2 projects to finish and one of those will probably be going to the laundromat to wash blankets and the duvet. That's not a fun project. Does that even count as a project?
It never feels like I get anywhere. I understand why the organization podcast lady says to try to skip the day to day stuff when you're working on a project, because the regular stuff will eat all your time. Plus I'm not a slow and steady person, so my projects have to happen when the energy bursts arrive.
Also, 3 day weekends feel like just enough time to catch up, not surge ahead. I am feeling disappointed that I didn't get to any of the big stuff- the things that make me feel like a terrible person.
1) Find someone who can do your taxes and the amendment for last year. At this point, the price is worth having it done. Six months of stress is enough. You haven't waited this long for at least a decade, so this isn't you- it's the situation. The financial guy told you this stuff after you filed 2018 and before 2019 so now you have to fix that first and you don't know how so you got stuck. Find somebody, pay them, and move on.
2) Take a day off and do those art projects. Ok, maybe one of them. You have two really fun ones waiting and you love them, so find some meaning and clear some space. Go find some baubles and play. It will energize you.
3) Dive in to the reading. That's all it takes. Just start.
I thought 2019 had some heavy shit going on. It seemed like everyone was dealing with some tremendous and awful things, but this year isn't feeling much better. Maybe it's part of a bigger change. I hope so, because everyone is struggling and we all need light.
I watched Starship Troopers today in an effort to watch something light and ridiculous, but of course I forgot it's a Heinlein book, so it's full of social commentary and military service. When I read the book I felt it was more pointed observation than belief, and the movie seemed to be the same: the characters voicing pro-military sentiments while being ridiculously impervious to situations that regularly contradict their beliefs. Plus there was some stupid sexism and culture appropriation and stereotypes and a lack of representation that just illustrates everything we're combating right now and it annoyed the shit out of me. But Johnny Rico's (eyes are rolling out of my head, but I believe that was either Heinlein's choice or something similar) high school teacher who becomes their commander in the infantry says something about violence that I have conveniently pasted here for you:
Naked force has resolved more conflicts throughout history than any other factor. The contrary opinion, that violence doesn't solve anything, is wishful thinking at its worst. People who forget that always die.
It was weird to hear that right now, because some people are talking about how violence doesn't solve anything, referring to riots and looting of few, but neglecting to address the widespread and systemic violence of police brutality. Holding Pride up as a peaceful parade, forgetting that Pride came from Stonewall. Forgetting that peaceful protests were also dismissed. I read somewhere in all this that every freedom and right we have came from riots. And someone else just pointed out that while people say violence isn't the answer, it is what they're paying attention to... which means they're paying attention. Which action are you rewarding?
Someone in class this week said the pandemic has pushed us into innovations we weren't ready to fully use yet. They were speaking of telehealth, but it feels like a parallel to me. We think we're moving along as fast as possible, doing as much as we can, and then something forces us ungracefully and we find we're more adaptable than we thought. We are flexible and resilient, but sometimes we need a violent shove. It's not nice, but it's effective.
In my last tie in of the day, I read about a study that shows connection between far right supporters and low emotional intelligence. People with low emotional intelligence fear change, have low resilience, and not much capacity for empathy. Make America the way it was again, right?
Well, there are heavy things about. It's bad because it's hard and people get hurt. It's good because heavy things change the world. So while we're in this time, I'm going to have make 4) Give yourself some appreciation and understanding too.
