I don't really want to think about this again but I am anyway so I thought it might make me feel a little better to share.
Yesterday I ran this ridiculous errand for Chris. He asked me to bring a tool to the Freight House where he was preparing for a show. As it turned out he didn't need it, ran out of time or something, and didn't even realize I was calling him as I was hovering outside the cones at the ball park. I texted, then called him twice and then drove off in frustration, as I was blocking a lane. He called back while I was arguing with downtown game day traffic and apologized. I was flustered and did not remember to go the counterintuitive way to the freeway. Instead I did my ridiculous route of driving before figuring out the best way to go. I always think it would not make sense to weave over to the freeway- that it's about the same distance to wherever I'm going. That is totally untrue and a giant waste of gas but there I was weaving through ridiculousness and urging my confused little brain to find a more reasonable way to get to the grocery store. I remembered Airway Drive (Doesn't that just SOUND easier?) and turned left on McCarran from South Virginia. (Yes, I made it all the way down there before finding a less congested way.) This is a very busy intersection with three left turn lanes. I was in the middle lane and I was horrified to see a big white dog trotting down the right lane towards the light at Smithridge Drive. Jesus! Where the hell did he come from? I watched for traffic behind him and slowed way down.
I called Animal Control and was relieved to see him run up across the dirt towards Sears. I turned in on Neil and found him in the parking lot. I tried to call to him but he barely looked at me and kept trotting along so I followed him. He had a bandana around his neck but I couldn't see if he had a collar or tags. I called Animal Control back to update them on his position and followed him down Neil and onto Delucchi Lane. I drove slow and stayed behind him as he crossed the streets, protecting him from other cars. On Delucchi he kept to the shady grass and I put my hazards on as he kept moving down the street. Animal Control spotted me and turned on their lights. I pulled over to let them take over. We waved to each other. Another animal control officer drove up and I went on my way, suddenly feeling very good about choosing such a backwards way to get to the grocery store.
I wish I could have spent the rest of the day feeling relieved. Hopefully the dog was wearing a collar and his owners were already looking for him. Hopefully if his owners sucked then he'll be adopted by a marathon runner. At the very least, he didn't get run over and he got some water on a hot day.
On the way home with my groceries I saw a bird in the road. It was trying to pick something up, maybe food. I am so used to birds moving out of the way just in time but I also periodically see squashed birds. This time I got to see it happen. I was in the left lane and the bird apparently felt safe in the right lane but failed to notice the car approaching. I didn't see if the tire got his wing or not, but he rolled from the rush of air underneath the car. I watched in the rearview in horror as he ran up on the median and across the southbound side. He made it out of the road, but he didn't fly. I cried.
Maybe he was just stunned- I certainly hope so. I felt so sad about cars in general and wished we still walked everywhere. I started to feel like maybe I wasn't supposed to find the dog and had upset the balance. I wished I could do something. My counselor and I talked about animals recently and she asked if I would want to be the kind of person that didn't care. Well, of course not. Later I thought I should take comfort in that I hadn't just driven by the dog. Maybe I should have tried to find the bird. As horrible as this sounds, I tried to relate it to people because I just don't feel as sad about people. Sometimes people get hit by cars and sometimes they don't survive. It's terrible when that happens and it's not as if I celebrate. If I hear it on the news I think, "That sucks." If I know the person or their story I can get very sad about it. It just feels so much worse with animals, partially because they don't know anything is wrong and because it's nobody's job to prevent them from doing dangerous things. They are innocent. Yes, so are children, but someone is supposed to be watching them. You could say someone should be watching the dog, but they are escape artists and shit happens. I hope he had a collar or was chipped. I hope the bird was only temporarily stunned and not hurt. If he was, I hope he heals. If not, I hope he dies quickly and provides food for some other animal.
One of the books we read last semester was Mary Austin's Land of Little Rain. She wrote about watching and learning about the desert. She wrote about water and plants and people, but she also watched the animals that lived there. There were all kinds of wildlife and she learned so much about each and how they had adapted to the desert. About the bunnies, though, all she could say was that they seemed to only serve the purpose of food for other animals. It's hard to take that because they are so cute and all, but I have been trying to remind myself that life cycles exist as does evolution.
But I cried anyway. I came home and hugged Solo, who welcomed the love. I sat and held her and thought about how she fell off the balcony twice and how we lost her for a week, and how we lost Laxy. I thought about how Solo is turning 6 and how she sleeps on my pillow. I wondered if I could be grateful every time I came home to find that the house was not on fire and the animals were not dead in the bathtub from smoke inhalation. Probably not, but appreciation is at least usually automatic. Even the cat greets me. In fact, these days- since Riley has been in Topaz- Solo is often the only one to greet me when I come home. The lazy Pit Bull is still sleeping in the bedroom, but she will wag her tail when I come in.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Update & Schedule
I'm feeling very productive. I'm doing very little at work so in my head I'm working out everything that I will miraculously accomplish this weekend.
It was a nice Thursday in Ceramics- one piece was put into the kiln, two more pieces are waiting on the shelves to be fired. Or maybe I should say nine pieces. He's going to have a conniption when he sees them. Four are large puzzle pieces that hopefully will fit together that I hope to make a trivet out of. The rest are smaller puzzle pieces that were originally supposed to be smushed together to make a container but they didn't bend at all overnight. Then my plan was to make a crazy sculpture but yesterday he lectured for an hour and forty-five minutes and I had no time to join them. I sprayed them with water but today they were already too dry so I just made them smooth and put them on the shelves to be fired individually. Who knows if he will actually do it. Maybe he'll tell me they're too cliched like another girl's project.
"What is that?" he asked her.
"Mr. Sun!" she answered gleefully.
He got all of our attention and asked what every kid draws. Then he went to the board and drew a sun on a horizon and warned us all (again) about cliched images.
I get it, but can't you relax about beginners? It's hard enough to come up with ideas without getting shot down. Another girl got that lecture earlier this week when she told him about her idea of doing those three monkeys- you know, hear no evil...
I just read up on those monkeys. Apparently there is often a fourth monkey shown with his arms crossed for "Do no evil". That would make a better subject.
What projects will I start next week? I want to crank them out while I have the chance to do this. Hmmm.
God, I can smell my hair.
I finally hit Mix Cupcakes and bought one Peanut Butter Chocolate Blast. I took it to go in a little box. I went home and asked Chris if he wanted a sandwich. He said yes and I pulled out the bread but there were no more sammich makings! He had lunch ready for us both on Tuesday and I should have put two and two together. Those were some thick sandwiches.
So off to Boston Market we went for lunch. Chris was on the phone forever and I handed him the cupcake box for a second so I could fish my wallet out of my purse. Now, I had been carefully holding the cupcake box upright and in front of the AC vent the whole time and Chris failed to notice this. He took the box from me and immediately tipped it over. It was so perfectly unintentional. I knew that would happen- why did I give him the box? Good grief.
I yelped and he was surprised. <Insert confused man face here.>
I ordered meatloaf sliders and Chris got the larger meatloaf sandwich. His was way better than mine. We both ordered creamed spinach and I thought about ordering just that next time. Mmmm. We opened the cupcake box and I was delighted to see that the icing had only slightly smeared on the side of the box because there's a little supported cupcake sized hole inside. It even has cutouts so you can pick up the cupcake! Genius. The cupcake was good but the icing was overwhelming. I had to take off most of it and wipe it on a napkin where Chris picked it right back up and ate it. I want to try their Lemon Sunshine. (What diabetes?)
I just tried to take a shot for my snack and my insulin is pressurized again. This happened once before from getting too hot- this means I'll have to get a new vial. I have to keep an extra on hand or I'll be SOL.
So I had half a cupcake and took a shot for that and lunch and promised Chris I'd test in an hour. He dropped me off at the hair place but came in to tell them to watch out for me. : )
The body wave didn't take too long and I am very excited about it. But I can't wash my hair until tomorrow and it smells. It doesn't smell as bad as perms normally smell but periodically I'm like, "What the hell is that sm.... oh."
More for me than for you, here is my schedule:
Friday: errands, laundry, cleaning
Saturday: finish book arts project, clean, organize Pickle Parlor
Sunday: laze around, watch movies
Sounds good to me.
It was a nice Thursday in Ceramics- one piece was put into the kiln, two more pieces are waiting on the shelves to be fired. Or maybe I should say nine pieces. He's going to have a conniption when he sees them. Four are large puzzle pieces that hopefully will fit together that I hope to make a trivet out of. The rest are smaller puzzle pieces that were originally supposed to be smushed together to make a container but they didn't bend at all overnight. Then my plan was to make a crazy sculpture but yesterday he lectured for an hour and forty-five minutes and I had no time to join them. I sprayed them with water but today they were already too dry so I just made them smooth and put them on the shelves to be fired individually. Who knows if he will actually do it. Maybe he'll tell me they're too cliched like another girl's project.
"What is that?" he asked her.
"Mr. Sun!" she answered gleefully.
He got all of our attention and asked what every kid draws. Then he went to the board and drew a sun on a horizon and warned us all (again) about cliched images.
I get it, but can't you relax about beginners? It's hard enough to come up with ideas without getting shot down. Another girl got that lecture earlier this week when she told him about her idea of doing those three monkeys- you know, hear no evil...
I just read up on those monkeys. Apparently there is often a fourth monkey shown with his arms crossed for "Do no evil". That would make a better subject.
What projects will I start next week? I want to crank them out while I have the chance to do this. Hmmm.
God, I can smell my hair.
I finally hit Mix Cupcakes and bought one Peanut Butter Chocolate Blast. I took it to go in a little box. I went home and asked Chris if he wanted a sandwich. He said yes and I pulled out the bread but there were no more sammich makings! He had lunch ready for us both on Tuesday and I should have put two and two together. Those were some thick sandwiches.
So off to Boston Market we went for lunch. Chris was on the phone forever and I handed him the cupcake box for a second so I could fish my wallet out of my purse. Now, I had been carefully holding the cupcake box upright and in front of the AC vent the whole time and Chris failed to notice this. He took the box from me and immediately tipped it over. It was so perfectly unintentional. I knew that would happen- why did I give him the box? Good grief.
I yelped and he was surprised. <Insert confused man face here.>
I ordered meatloaf sliders and Chris got the larger meatloaf sandwich. His was way better than mine. We both ordered creamed spinach and I thought about ordering just that next time. Mmmm. We opened the cupcake box and I was delighted to see that the icing had only slightly smeared on the side of the box because there's a little supported cupcake sized hole inside. It even has cutouts so you can pick up the cupcake! Genius. The cupcake was good but the icing was overwhelming. I had to take off most of it and wipe it on a napkin where Chris picked it right back up and ate it. I want to try their Lemon Sunshine. (What diabetes?)
I just tried to take a shot for my snack and my insulin is pressurized again. This happened once before from getting too hot- this means I'll have to get a new vial. I have to keep an extra on hand or I'll be SOL.
So I had half a cupcake and took a shot for that and lunch and promised Chris I'd test in an hour. He dropped me off at the hair place but came in to tell them to watch out for me. : )
The body wave didn't take too long and I am very excited about it. But I can't wash my hair until tomorrow and it smells. It doesn't smell as bad as perms normally smell but periodically I'm like, "What the hell is that sm.... oh."
More for me than for you, here is my schedule:
Friday: errands, laundry, cleaning
Saturday: finish book arts project, clean, organize Pickle Parlor
Sunday: laze around, watch movies
Sounds good to me.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Blog and Move On
Important note to self: You always have to agonize over something; this is just a very easy culprit.
Quickly before the day really starts and before I turn this into something a lot worse than what it really is, I need to take a few moments and wrangle my mind into better shape. This is a pattern that happens every semester (that I get paid, anyway) and I intend to break this sucker now (that it's the second to last semester) so I can avoid adding more stress to the fall (which I will do anyway- if not with this then with something else).
For the first time in a long time, I had nighttime anxiety over money. Now that I have it. This whole time that I was counting on funds that weren't showing up I was fine. I did send out a warning flag but it was only a precautionary measure as Chris had money coming in and I was pretty sure we'd be okay. And we are okay.
Here's my horrible confession: I spent the last few days shopping. Totally for me, I totally splurged on myself. I don't think I bought anything for anyone else. I did buy a toy for Jasmine, but it was dirt cheap and might replace the disintegrating monster. I also bought hand towels and wash cloths which I will add to the stash in our room that the 12-year-old won't get near. Don't worry, there are plenty of towel options for him in the linen closet but anything in there runs the risk of soaking up black paint spills. No, he's not supposed to have paint in his room but do you think that stops him?
Yes, I splurged on towels. They are really beautiful and thick and I feel inner sunshine when I use them. That's why I buy them. Rachel and I had this wonderful conversation recently about my Ceramics class and our love of functional art, or F-art, as we're calling it.
"Have nothing that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."
-William Morris
How about both? I could buy cheap ugly Wal-Mart washcloths. I was there yesterday and found their clearance washcloths going for $1.50 each. I bought my thick beautiful richly colored wash cloths from the clearance sections at Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshalls for $1 each. Having no pre-determined color palate allows me to get whatever is cheap and awesome.
I bought more than just hand towels and wash cloths, but this is a good example. It's stuff I need and all I'm doing is taking the time to search for better stuff for a bargain. I really do need a lot of wash cloths. The moment there isn't one in the bathroom is the moment Chris will use a hand towel to wash his face.
It is hard for me to spend so much at once. And then there's the clothes.
I have five new t-shirts and one tank top. I can't imagine how many things I've tried on, but now that I list what I got I don't feel so irresponsible. I made a rule- no black, white, or grey, as I have plenty already and they don't do much for me. So I stuck to colors and came home with five shapely t-shirts in varying shades of purple. Not all at the same time. But they are all purple. The tank is a crazy pattern, as are the three dresses I bought.
I'll give you a moment to process that one.
While you're gasping for air, I'll shock you further and say that I also bought a skirt. That was the most expensive thing I bought at $20 but I just could not leave it behind. And it's grey, but it's a very "warm tone" as Mom said- very different than what I normally find. I also bought $15 strappy sandals. I know, I can't believe it either.
I think it's a combination of things. Maybe it is the looming real job, maybe it was the guy that called me "sir" when I walked into the shoe store yesterday morning. Maybe it's the 4,000 extra steps I got on my pedometer per day through shopping.
I have an appointment on Wednesday to get my hair done. That will be expensive too, but that's been on hold for over a year. My haircuts are usually taken care of on a visit to San Diego or Virginia- this will be the first one I've done on my own in quite some time. In fact, the last one was in Virginia six months ago. I'm doing something extra this time so if I don't post pictures you'll know it didn't go well. I almost got my contact exam yesterday- I wanted so badly to wear my sunglasses to Topaz today- but the possibility of a better deal pushed me away. If I can get an updated (free) exam through the VA I'll only have to pay for a contact fitting fee at Wal-Mart, plus they're having a sale on contacts until July. I could spend half of what I was ready to pay.
This is a good place to remind myself that while I am splurging, I'm doing it in a pretty conservative way. I found an awesome shirt at Old Navy that was really comfortable and beautiful, but it was $23 and I just wasn't able to justify that. It didn't have a tag and I had to make that call at the register. As a reward- I think- for keeping my budget in mind AND for branching out- I found my new favorite thing ever at Old Navy. It's a longsleeve hoodie complete with pocket, but it's jersey and thin and soft and doesn't make my arms look as fat as they really are. And it's purple. I am in LOVE. I prayed it would fit, it did, and then I had to hope it was cheap because it had no tag. It came from the clearance section just like the other awesome shirt but Old Navy has some really crazy ideas about clearance prices. I turned down the $23 shirt but I might have paid that for the purple one. I didn't think I could leave that behind. Unbelievably, it was only $6.50. I sang impromptu happy songs all the way to the Dodge.
I feel much better now that I have put things into perspective. I really didn't spend that much at all and I was keeping an eye on the overall budget. I found deals. Chris has been working nonstop and his gigs are regularly bringing money in rather than out. I told him he was buying me a hairdo and contacts.
"Get your nails done too," he said.
Yeah, maybe not, but it's nice to know he's supportive. I wore the skirt to pick him up from the shooting the other night. His adrenaline was pumping so hard he didn't notice immediately but he was pretty happy. I showed him the one dress I had bought and he said, "I like it! I like the change." I like that we've been together for eight years and he's been fine with how I dressed, but he is pleased with the tentative transition. It's encouraging.
Soon we'll be off to Topaz, where we'll swim and eat and watch the dogs play. It will be a nice day, but I'm looking forward to sundown, when I can put on my new purple hoodie. Ahhhh.
Quickly before the day really starts and before I turn this into something a lot worse than what it really is, I need to take a few moments and wrangle my mind into better shape. This is a pattern that happens every semester (that I get paid, anyway) and I intend to break this sucker now (that it's the second to last semester) so I can avoid adding more stress to the fall (which I will do anyway- if not with this then with something else).
For the first time in a long time, I had nighttime anxiety over money. Now that I have it. This whole time that I was counting on funds that weren't showing up I was fine. I did send out a warning flag but it was only a precautionary measure as Chris had money coming in and I was pretty sure we'd be okay. And we are okay.
Here's my horrible confession: I spent the last few days shopping. Totally for me, I totally splurged on myself. I don't think I bought anything for anyone else. I did buy a toy for Jasmine, but it was dirt cheap and might replace the disintegrating monster. I also bought hand towels and wash cloths which I will add to the stash in our room that the 12-year-old won't get near. Don't worry, there are plenty of towel options for him in the linen closet but anything in there runs the risk of soaking up black paint spills. No, he's not supposed to have paint in his room but do you think that stops him?
Yes, I splurged on towels. They are really beautiful and thick and I feel inner sunshine when I use them. That's why I buy them. Rachel and I had this wonderful conversation recently about my Ceramics class and our love of functional art, or F-art, as we're calling it.
"Have nothing that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."
-William Morris
How about both? I could buy cheap ugly Wal-Mart washcloths. I was there yesterday and found their clearance washcloths going for $1.50 each. I bought my thick beautiful richly colored wash cloths from the clearance sections at Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshalls for $1 each. Having no pre-determined color palate allows me to get whatever is cheap and awesome.
I bought more than just hand towels and wash cloths, but this is a good example. It's stuff I need and all I'm doing is taking the time to search for better stuff for a bargain. I really do need a lot of wash cloths. The moment there isn't one in the bathroom is the moment Chris will use a hand towel to wash his face.
It is hard for me to spend so much at once. And then there's the clothes.
I have five new t-shirts and one tank top. I can't imagine how many things I've tried on, but now that I list what I got I don't feel so irresponsible. I made a rule- no black, white, or grey, as I have plenty already and they don't do much for me. So I stuck to colors and came home with five shapely t-shirts in varying shades of purple. Not all at the same time. But they are all purple. The tank is a crazy pattern, as are the three dresses I bought.
I'll give you a moment to process that one.
While you're gasping for air, I'll shock you further and say that I also bought a skirt. That was the most expensive thing I bought at $20 but I just could not leave it behind. And it's grey, but it's a very "warm tone" as Mom said- very different than what I normally find. I also bought $15 strappy sandals. I know, I can't believe it either.
I think it's a combination of things. Maybe it is the looming real job, maybe it was the guy that called me "sir" when I walked into the shoe store yesterday morning. Maybe it's the 4,000 extra steps I got on my pedometer per day through shopping.
I have an appointment on Wednesday to get my hair done. That will be expensive too, but that's been on hold for over a year. My haircuts are usually taken care of on a visit to San Diego or Virginia- this will be the first one I've done on my own in quite some time. In fact, the last one was in Virginia six months ago. I'm doing something extra this time so if I don't post pictures you'll know it didn't go well. I almost got my contact exam yesterday- I wanted so badly to wear my sunglasses to Topaz today- but the possibility of a better deal pushed me away. If I can get an updated (free) exam through the VA I'll only have to pay for a contact fitting fee at Wal-Mart, plus they're having a sale on contacts until July. I could spend half of what I was ready to pay.
This is a good place to remind myself that while I am splurging, I'm doing it in a pretty conservative way. I found an awesome shirt at Old Navy that was really comfortable and beautiful, but it was $23 and I just wasn't able to justify that. It didn't have a tag and I had to make that call at the register. As a reward- I think- for keeping my budget in mind AND for branching out- I found my new favorite thing ever at Old Navy. It's a longsleeve hoodie complete with pocket, but it's jersey and thin and soft and doesn't make my arms look as fat as they really are. And it's purple. I am in LOVE. I prayed it would fit, it did, and then I had to hope it was cheap because it had no tag. It came from the clearance section just like the other awesome shirt but Old Navy has some really crazy ideas about clearance prices. I turned down the $23 shirt but I might have paid that for the purple one. I didn't think I could leave that behind. Unbelievably, it was only $6.50. I sang impromptu happy songs all the way to the Dodge.
I feel much better now that I have put things into perspective. I really didn't spend that much at all and I was keeping an eye on the overall budget. I found deals. Chris has been working nonstop and his gigs are regularly bringing money in rather than out. I told him he was buying me a hairdo and contacts.
"Get your nails done too," he said.
Yeah, maybe not, but it's nice to know he's supportive. I wore the skirt to pick him up from the shooting the other night. His adrenaline was pumping so hard he didn't notice immediately but he was pretty happy. I showed him the one dress I had bought and he said, "I like it! I like the change." I like that we've been together for eight years and he's been fine with how I dressed, but he is pleased with the tentative transition. It's encouraging.
Soon we'll be off to Topaz, where we'll swim and eat and watch the dogs play. It will be a nice day, but I'm looking forward to sundown, when I can put on my new purple hoodie. Ahhhh.
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