I made a deal with Chris about the chores- we split the list and I am supposed to accomplish my part before he gets home at 7:30. I have some more to do before my list is done but I already cleaned the bejeezus out of the kitchen and let's be serious, he's not going to be home by 7:30.
This Thursday in the Mindfulness class we were assigned our new homework: to sit down at the end of each day and document an unpleasant event and our reactions to it. (We did pleasant events last week.) I did not have to wait long.
On Friday I went to work and maybe an hour or so in, my boss brought out a flier he'd made. I saw something on it that confused me and I asked a question to clarify. His answer only confused me more and I made a remark that made it obvious to him that I had misinterpreted the flier. Suddenly I found myself faced with a barrage of ridicule- not just from him, but from a coworker as well- implying that I must be absolutely retarded to read it that way. I was stunned- horrified to be treated like this- as well as completely outraged. Normally, my reaction would be to shut up and stew in the corner all day, then, hours later when I had reimagined the situation enough times, come up with the perfect retort. Actually, that perfect response would probably come from Mom or Tracy when I called them to share my outrage. I would be left feeling ostracized and stupid with no way to resolve the issue in my head so it would just be added to the revolving file of poor reactions. But not this time.
This time I felt outraged and dismissed, pissed off, hurt, the whole nine yards, but I was able to respond.
"Wait a minute," I said. "If I read it that way, odds are that other people will too."
I didn't lose my shit, I didn't panic. I still felt everything that I always do but for whatever reason, this time I was able to respond. On the first day of the Mindfulness class, we were asked what we wanted out of it. I know I said something, I'm sure it was as true as possible, but I am amending my answer. THIS is what I want. So did it work?
Not at all. Not even a little bit. He refused to hear what I had to say. I was trying to be helpful, I got ridiculed, and I was STILL trying to be helpful. I was not petty or spiteful to him- there was no retaliation on my part, no defensive smartass remark. And he wouldn't hear it. Ok fine.
Now, I did spend a while being pissed off. It didn't help that he threw a jab at me less than five minutes after that, but whatever. I talked to my other coworker (the one who also read the flier the way I did) and he assured me that the boss is an asshole to him all the time. We talked about it for a little bit and then I went about my day. Soon it occurred to me that I had an unpleasant event to document and did so. That got me thinking about my response and I became really proud of myself. It didn't work, but that was okay. I am comfortable leaving this behind because I reacted in a way that I can feel proud of.
I did tell Tracy about it and she wondered why this guy is trying to argue with an English major ("Yeah. YEAH!") but this phone conversation was not about sharing frustration, it was about sharing an accomplishment. Yeah!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Maybe it's just time for a bath.
Chris and I were having our regular morning pseudo argument about taking the dogs for a walk. I got in the shower and Chris was watching the Weather Channel. Suddenly he calls out that he's not taking them for a walk today. He comes into the bathroom and slides open the shower door to tell me that the high is 33 and it's supposed to snow. I express disbelief and he starts to close the door. The door bounces on the track and we both look down to see what's in the way.
It's Riley. She just snuck into the shower and is standing there blinking up at me while getting dripped on. Chris has closed the door as if she's going to stay in there and we're having a confused conversation through the glass.
What is she doing?
Why did she jump in?
She never goes in voluntarily...
I know!
I asked Riley, but I didn't get an answer. I thought maybe she needed to go out so Chris opened the door and invited her to potty. She accepted. I still don't know what the deal was. She seems to just be in one of those moods.
It's Riley. She just snuck into the shower and is standing there blinking up at me while getting dripped on. Chris has closed the door as if she's going to stay in there and we're having a confused conversation through the glass.
What is she doing?
Why did she jump in?
She never goes in voluntarily...
I know!
I asked Riley, but I didn't get an answer. I thought maybe she needed to go out so Chris opened the door and invited her to potty. She accepted. I still don't know what the deal was. She seems to just be in one of those moods.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
DONE
Yes, I'm back. For the fourth time today? Don't worry, I'll get tired of this soon. I just thought I'd drop in (again) to tell you that I finished my paper AND my March book. And I'll be sleeping in tomorrow. :D
HSIOW
This is entirely too convenient. When I have the laptop nearby it is impossible not to write mini-blogs here and there. I have almost five pages done, the paper is to be 5-7 pages total. I have found other elements though I'm still focusing on my main one. I have an hour left before it's time to go to Art History and I'm not sure I can spend that time working on my paper. I'm finding that the gaps between sessions really help with clarity. I might be terrible and work on my paper during class, though I don't expect to accomplish too much there. Regardless, I think I can probably finish tonight. Apart from collecting the quotes, I've spent about six hours on writing it already. Three more should be plenty.
I suspect I'll do a lot of blobbing this weekend once this paper's out of the way. I can't afford to slack off too much, though, since another paper is due in a couple weeks and I canned my own book proposal. I will have some catching up to do but I expect I will not behave. Maybe I should build a big break into all my school days- it's so hard to work at home.
Now I'm just writing for the sake of typing.
Favorite George Carlin acronym:
HSIOW- Holy Shit, It's Only Wednesday!
I suspect I'll do a lot of blobbing this weekend once this paper's out of the way. I can't afford to slack off too much, though, since another paper is due in a couple weeks and I canned my own book proposal. I will have some catching up to do but I expect I will not behave. Maybe I should build a big break into all my school days- it's so hard to work at home.
Now I'm just writing for the sake of typing.
Favorite George Carlin acronym:
HSIOW- Holy Shit, It's Only Wednesday!
One major project halfway down, four to go.
At least another two hours of paper writing down. I skipped Book Arts. Now I'm gathering my stuff up again to go to school. One class, then three hours of break to write more. Hopefully this means I won't be up all night tonight finishing it. I am going to work on Friday instead of Thursday so I can sleep in tomorrow- or get up and finish my paper, lol. Hey, at least I didn't wait until tonight to start.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Ack! 18 minutes left!
Oh, good grief. I spent all that time marking that one element and it turns out I need several elements. Shoot. I am going to try to point out different elements within my element, but I'll try to find some others too. Poo. Looks like I'll be bringing the laptop to school again tomorrow. At least I finished my other homework and wrote a few pages of the paper.
Now I'm going to try to collect everything I will need in the morning so I have a chance in hell of being on time, then around 10 I'll take my shot and go finish my March book. I have a big book that I think I'll save for May. I bought The Hunger Games at the thrift store the other day- that will be my April book. I've read a lot about it and Stephen King says it's
"A violent, jarring, speed-rap of a novel that generates nearly constant suspense... I couldn't stop reading."
That might be dangerous if I have to read other things, but I only have one book left for Literary Nonfiction and then just frickin frackin Art History and besides, it might be nice to burn through a book and finish it within the month.
Now I'm going to try to collect everything I will need in the morning so I have a chance in hell of being on time, then around 10 I'll take my shot and go finish my March book. I have a big book that I think I'll save for May. I bought The Hunger Games at the thrift store the other day- that will be my April book. I've read a lot about it and Stephen King says it's
"A violent, jarring, speed-rap of a novel that generates nearly constant suspense... I couldn't stop reading."
That might be dangerous if I have to read other things, but I only have one book left for Literary Nonfiction and then just frickin frackin Art History and besides, it might be nice to burn through a book and finish it within the month.
Lost
Yesterday I went to my proposal writing class and waited outside for the other class to finish and leave. As I stood in the hallway this girl came up, opened the door, and looked in. I wondered what she was doing because she is not in my class. When the class left, I went in and sat down. My classmates wandered in and a few minutes after that, this girl came in and sat down. This was the point where I knew she was in the wrong place and wondered when she would figure that out. Yes, I could have said something, but I didn't. Maybe she was a special guest. Maybe she wanted to know what the class was like. Unlikely, but whatever.
This girl sat in class looking around at my classmates. I watched and waited for her to realize that these were not her classmates. She looked at everyone for a long time, but never got up. Instead, she pulled out her unrelated textbook and started flipping through it. Our teacher came in, started class, and looked directly at this girl for a moment. Being a nice person, she did not ask what this girl was doing and just went about teaching. After several minutes (!) of the class being underway, the girl finally gathered her things and left the room.
I could certainly understand this boo boo on the first day or even the first week or even a little longer than that, but we have under five weeks of classes left- out of 16 total. I wonder what was going on in her head.
This girl sat in class looking around at my classmates. I watched and waited for her to realize that these were not her classmates. She looked at everyone for a long time, but never got up. Instead, she pulled out her unrelated textbook and started flipping through it. Our teacher came in, started class, and looked directly at this girl for a moment. Being a nice person, she did not ask what this girl was doing and just went about teaching. After several minutes (!) of the class being underway, the girl finally gathered her things and left the room.
I could certainly understand this boo boo on the first day or even the first week or even a little longer than that, but we have under five weeks of classes left- out of 16 total. I wonder what was going on in her head.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Gotta go do schoolwork now. Sigh.
It's not like I don't have a hundred other things to do, but celebration is also crucial, yes?
As I told you earlier, I didn't think my French fold sucked compared to other people's even though it was simple and I still haven't done a linoleum block print. I liked mine so much that even when I had a copy of everyone else's I still wanted to pick up and admire my own. I didn't, because that would look bad, but now I'm home and nobody can see me coo over my own project. There were some really good ones in the pile- in fact, I started to get disheartened at how awesome some of them looked- BUT afterwards I still liked mine best. And that's how it should be, right? : )
I also told you that my group got an A on our proposal. Some of the other groups didn't get a grade yet- they have to go fix some issues first. He he he.
I had some veggie strumboli for lunch (Mmmmmmaaaahhhhhh) and it was wonderful as always. I finished transcribing the quotes from one book and I'll finish the other tonight. Because I'm busy being productive, see? So then I go to Art History and suffer through the class period because the teacher knows if he hands the test out first, no one will pay attention to the lecture. I was worried because (maybe you saw that) Tracy had to yell at me to study. I had to finish working on that proposal and I just didn't care anymore but she harassed me and so I gave in and tried to figure out what the important stuff was and focused on that.
I figured I had passed the test, but I wasn't willing to count on more than that. The teacher reinstated the curve, so with that I got an A. Without it I had an A-. Holy bejeezus. That's a B+ on the first test, A on the second, and even though I missed a day after the surgery it didn't get counted, so my attendance is "perfect." That's 3 out of the 4 total grades for this class. Oh, and 2/3 of the last test will come from this one we just did.
Chris wasn't there when I got out of class. He used to be late a lot, but this semester he's really been on top of things. He's normally sitting out there waiting for me and if he's not, he's about to turn into the driveway. Today when I called he hadn't even left yet. He apologized but I wasn't mad at all, which is strange for me, but he got really sick the other day and has not been feeling right since. I was also on a grades high, so I started walking his way. It was nice outside and I was feeling jaunty. He picked me up about a block away and was thrilled about my grade. At home, I found a thick letter from the VA in the mailbox.
pleasebegoodnewspleasebegoodnews
"You're entitled to receive 100% of the benefits payable under the Post-9/11 GI Bill program for training offered by an institution of higher education."
WHEW!
"You have 9 months and 16 days of full-time benefits remaining."
The VA is transitioning from Chapter 30 (Montgomery GI Bill) to Chapter 33 (Post-9/11 GI Bill). Those with Chapter 30 could get one extra year of Ch. 33 after the Ch. 30 benefits were used up. I got a medical discharge shortly after 9/11, so I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time to qualify. Because of the service-connected disability, I only needed 30 days after 9/11. And if you're still paying attention, I was due to run out of Chapter 30 just after this semester started. As long as you start a semester under the GI Bill, the VA will pay through the end of that semester. That time does count against my Chapter 33 benefits, which is why I only have 9 months left of that. BUT- Chapter 33 starts in May with the summer semester, so 9 months is just enough time to finish school. I am grateful to have sorted out what I need to graduate so that I won't end up with a surprise semester tacked onto the end to take one more ding-dong class that got left out somewhere.
Chapter 33 works differently than Chapter 30, so I will actually get paid less now, but at least the income won't come screeching to a halt. I'll take that as a victory.
As I told you earlier, I didn't think my French fold sucked compared to other people's even though it was simple and I still haven't done a linoleum block print. I liked mine so much that even when I had a copy of everyone else's I still wanted to pick up and admire my own. I didn't, because that would look bad, but now I'm home and nobody can see me coo over my own project. There were some really good ones in the pile- in fact, I started to get disheartened at how awesome some of them looked- BUT afterwards I still liked mine best. And that's how it should be, right? : )
I also told you that my group got an A on our proposal. Some of the other groups didn't get a grade yet- they have to go fix some issues first. He he he.
I had some veggie strumboli for lunch (Mmmmmmaaaahhhhhh) and it was wonderful as always. I finished transcribing the quotes from one book and I'll finish the other tonight. Because I'm busy being productive, see? So then I go to Art History and suffer through the class period because the teacher knows if he hands the test out first, no one will pay attention to the lecture. I was worried because (maybe you saw that) Tracy had to yell at me to study. I had to finish working on that proposal and I just didn't care anymore but she harassed me and so I gave in and tried to figure out what the important stuff was and focused on that.
I figured I had passed the test, but I wasn't willing to count on more than that. The teacher reinstated the curve, so with that I got an A. Without it I had an A-. Holy bejeezus. That's a B+ on the first test, A on the second, and even though I missed a day after the surgery it didn't get counted, so my attendance is "perfect." That's 3 out of the 4 total grades for this class. Oh, and 2/3 of the last test will come from this one we just did.
Chris wasn't there when I got out of class. He used to be late a lot, but this semester he's really been on top of things. He's normally sitting out there waiting for me and if he's not, he's about to turn into the driveway. Today when I called he hadn't even left yet. He apologized but I wasn't mad at all, which is strange for me, but he got really sick the other day and has not been feeling right since. I was also on a grades high, so I started walking his way. It was nice outside and I was feeling jaunty. He picked me up about a block away and was thrilled about my grade. At home, I found a thick letter from the VA in the mailbox.
pleasebegoodnewspleasebegoodnews
"You're entitled to receive 100% of the benefits payable under the Post-9/11 GI Bill program for training offered by an institution of higher education."
WHEW!
"You have 9 months and 16 days of full-time benefits remaining."
The VA is transitioning from Chapter 30 (Montgomery GI Bill) to Chapter 33 (Post-9/11 GI Bill). Those with Chapter 30 could get one extra year of Ch. 33 after the Ch. 30 benefits were used up. I got a medical discharge shortly after 9/11, so I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time to qualify. Because of the service-connected disability, I only needed 30 days after 9/11. And if you're still paying attention, I was due to run out of Chapter 30 just after this semester started. As long as you start a semester under the GI Bill, the VA will pay through the end of that semester. That time does count against my Chapter 33 benefits, which is why I only have 9 months left of that. BUT- Chapter 33 starts in May with the summer semester, so 9 months is just enough time to finish school. I am grateful to have sorted out what I need to graduate so that I won't end up with a surprise semester tacked onto the end to take one more ding-dong class that got left out somewhere.
Chapter 33 works differently than Chapter 30, so I will actually get paid less now, but at least the income won't come screeching to a halt. I'll take that as a victory.
Gotta Pee
I'm here at school with my laptop (Thank you, Tracy) and I finally figured out how to get online. That could be dangerous, but I've been a good girl for the last hour working on my paper (that's due on Thursday). I am suddenly more excited about this analysis paper more than the creative paper because I know what I'm writing about for this one. The idea finally came to me yesterday thanks to Chris taking over and calling the cable company about their annual "Surprise, we raised your rates!" bullshit. Just getting the bill makes me insane so I am grateful that he was willing to be on the phone for over half an hour wheeling and dealing.
I used that free time to concentrate on the book I had just read and the book I wanted to compare it to. I had my brilliant idea that I felt very comfortable writing a five page paper about and started marking every page where this style element occurred. I have a lot of transcribing to do with both books to make sure I have good quotes to choose from, but I'm about halfway through each and I only started last night.
I got an A on my group proposal, the Book Arts class liked my French fold project, and tonight I'll get my Art History exam back. Big money, no whammies! Today did not start well- I didn't sleep well and cut my armpit in the shower, but I wasn't the last one to arrive at Book Arts and I felt proud of my project. Now I have to go to Proposal Writing waah waah but after that is lunch. It has to be better than that Pnone last week.
I used that free time to concentrate on the book I had just read and the book I wanted to compare it to. I had my brilliant idea that I felt very comfortable writing a five page paper about and started marking every page where this style element occurred. I have a lot of transcribing to do with both books to make sure I have good quotes to choose from, but I'm about halfway through each and I only started last night.
I got an A on my group proposal, the Book Arts class liked my French fold project, and tonight I'll get my Art History exam back. Big money, no whammies! Today did not start well- I didn't sleep well and cut my armpit in the shower, but I wasn't the last one to arrive at Book Arts and I felt proud of my project. Now I have to go to Proposal Writing waah waah but after that is lunch. It has to be better than that Pnone last week.
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