Tuck in time

Well I finally called Topaz to wish them a Merry Christmas, even though I knew they would not be merry. I have never heard Mike sound so sad.

I have thoughts derailing all over the place.

I don't know how a person can leave such a sad mess in their wake.

I think about what I want in a guy, and I think someone who picks up after themselves means so much more than what I thought it did.

There will be something to be grateful for in this... later on.

I can't explain why I'm so messed up over this- I don't know that I really understand it. You all seem to understand it better than I do, and the space you're allowing me for hurt really awes me.

It was not a bad day- really. I did what I wanted: I slept in, I took Riley for a long walk, I worked on a puzzle, I ate yummy food, I took a movie nap. I got some awesome gifts, and talked to my family. Dad will be here on Friday, and we're going to have another mini Christmas then.

One day of work before a long weekend. Chin up, buckle down.

Next

But I just finished reading the last of my 25 books for 2013, here in the Target parking lot. It was a great book that I burned through in what must be 3 days. It was a nice note to end on, and horribly relevant, which is always good. I knew before I started reading it that I would love this book even if I didn't like the ending.

I feel like I need a nap, but I'm in greater need a car wash, so off I go.

Keep going

It'll pass and I think I'm OK now. I'll feel optimistic and happy, full of energy, charging on ahead. But then there's a sudden, crippling sadness and I feel so alone, like I'll be alone forever.

When that happens, I try to remind myself that it's temporary- even if it doesn't feel that way. I try to think of things to look forward to. I try to enjoy simple pleasures. I find distractions. Tears still come, and I let them, but then they go, and I think this is what my life looks like right now.