New Year's Resolutions

Lena had this great idea to keep people's cups straight. She had Mason jar mugs and Sharpies that must have been paint markers and everyone decorated their own.

Ok, so I haven't thought much about resolutions, but here are some things I plan to do in 2015:

Sign up for some classes. There are some affordable cooking classes coming up, plus I want to do actual self-defense or martial arts. I did pretty well going to yoga before the holidays, and in my defense, who goes to yoga on Christmas Eve? I already have yoga stuff in the car for this upcoming Wednesday, and I am enjoying the classes, so I expect I'll keep going.

Walk 30 minutes a day. This means without Riley: actual charging around enough to get my heart rate up, whether outside or on a treadmill or at work.

Make another stab at 30 books.

Incorporate time limits on useless activities.

Spend better time with Riley.

Write.

There. I think that's manageable. There are others- a whole list, of course, but those are most important to me.

Time to get ready for... well, the new year.

New Year's Eve

Happy New Year!

Went to a gathering at Lena's house, hung out with awesome people, ate yummy food, played games, and celebrated at midnight with a dog passed out in my lap. (That's Lena behind me, probably about to apologize again for Gidget's horrific gas.)

Sparky read an article that said you're supposed to wear yellow underwear on New Year's for luck, or pink for new love. I don't have yellow, but I was happy to wear pink. Too late, I read the article and found out it's supposed to be NEW underwear. I wore the pink yesterday anyway, but I just happened to have a brand new pair of undies- washed, but not yet worn, so that's what I chose as I got ready to go to the party. They're red. Hopefully that means something scandalous.

I am happy to be sitting on the couch in my pj's today, but am some point I will get up and wander through Kohl's for the next several hours. All I hear right now is warm air moving through my apartment and Riley whuffling around for any missed dog food from her treat ball. It's cold outside, but it's nice in here with an egg sammich and orange slices.

I hope you had a good New Year's Eve, and I hope we all have a fantastic year.

MRFs

I have been a cooking machine the last few nights, but now I've got a burger patty, ham slices, and individual meatloaves all packaged up and ready to eat.

My hands are chapped from the constant washing and it got cold outside. I just put on some Gold Bond big guns lotion.

Today we ate lunch at Süp. A slice of quiche and a cup of soup and a tiny oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. I don't remember what was in the quiche because I was too busy eating it, but I do know that its description on the chalkboard made us both order it. My soup was broccoli cheddar, Dad had chicken tortilla. Folks, remind me to take you to Süp when you come visit.

Time for Roseanne on Netflix.

Almost Dinnertime

Ham and mac 'n cheese are in the oven, Dad is flash frying fresh green beans. Say that three times fast. I am drinking Shock Top and grooving to my Good Boys playlist. It was a lazy day filled with cookies, well wishes, and awesome presents. I've got good food, good company, good beer, and good music. I hope you do too. Merry Christmas.

You can now call me a happy girl.

Groceries are bought and put away, half my apartment is cleaned and vacuumed, my tree is up (thanks to Sparky for that kick in the pants), Amazon boxes are stacked more or less under the tree, and reciprocal Amazon boxes will make it in time. It's almost midnight, but it's still Saturday night, and I'm going to watch as much of The Fellowship as possible (about 20 minutes, I'm sure) before I fall asleep. I often feel like weekends get away from me, but this one feels good.

It will be fine.

I finally had my pre-holiday meltdown and just took half of a pre-holiday valium.

I am extremely unhappy with myself at the moment, and it is really hard to reach past this feeling to convince myself that it is only temporary, and that I do not always hate myself. That not everything I do is selfish and procrastinating.

Valium works quickly.

Ok, so two things I know to do right now:

1) Be grateful. I have amazing people in my life who either aren't aware that I am awful or who love me in spite of it. I have a lot of good that needs to be noticed.

2) Redefine or revisit my values. Is what I'm doing in line with what's important to me?

This is like math: I need to make sure I'm using the right formula and setting up the problem right.

Here's a tired, half-drugged attempt:

It is important to me to treat myself kindly.

It is important to me to show appreciation to all, but especially the ones dear to me.

It is important to me to be a good pet owner.

It is important to me to be brave.

It is more important to me to make a messy effort than none at all.

Feeling Useful

I was just at Winco getting groceries. I didn't fight for the shorter line, instead patiently waited in the long one. I was finally buying the beer I'd been craving all week, but I forgot that I have not received my replacement driver's license yet.

Well, now as I look I realize I haven't actually told you what happened yet. Just before my trip to Phoenix for Thanksgiving, my wallet was stolen. I'll finish that post next.

So I'm standing there wondering if I'm going to get carded, because I always get carded at Winco. Sure enough, she asks, and I produce the temporary paper drivers license I printed out from the DMV website. I explain that my wallet was stolen, and she asks me from where.

I tell her work: the VA, and she says she'll have to warn her father, who is a new patient there. She tells me he just moved here and has to take the bus in from Carson City. I tell her that there are volunteers who drive people in from outlying areas. She was trying to tell me more about her dad's situation in between questions from her next customer, so I gave her my work number. I have really got to start carrying my business card.

I drive home from Winco, and before I even take the groceries in, I check the mail, and there is my driver's license. I meant to check the mail earlier today. If I had, I would have had my ID and there would have been no reason to talk about the VA.

Maybe it is not so cut and dried as "everything happens for an reason." Or maybe we just don't often see it. It's a pretty crazy tie to get to this, but it sounds like her dad needs help, she needs information, and I can be the link they need.

It's not that the information isn't available or that the government wants to restrict it or that the VA doesn't care about veterans, as my conspiracy theorists like to tell me. It's that there is too MUCH information available- it's overwhelming. I bet he's already got the book and the transportation info. All they need is 15 minutes on the phone with someone who can stop and listen, who knows what questions to ask, and who can give them a roadmap for the most pressing needs. It doesn't sound like much, but I have received so much gratitude from so many vets and their families for this that I know how valuable it is. In two and a half years at the VA, I have learned- not all, but a lot- just by trying to answer these questions for people and I suddenly see what my coworkers keep telling me:

Grand plan or not, I am in the right place.