Time out

I wrote a lot yesterday and deleted it.  Self-imposed time-out.  Today I will try again.

My heart actually hurts.  In what is a very short notice decision, Chris says that he and Ant will be moving to L.A. tomorrow.

I don’t have the energy to debate with you about how you think this is great news, or when will I move on, or how hard you think I am making things for myself.

I am just going to tell you that this is not going to happen on your timeline.

And that doesn’t mean that I’m doing anything wrong.  That just means that it’s hard, and it’s going to be hard and take lots of time because that’s how these things work.

I’m glad you think I deserve someone better, because even if Chris had some really shitty behavior, the love we still have for each other somehow survived all that.  Must have been some pretty powerful stuff.

The bad things are true, but they do not negate the good things.

And I feel actual, physical pain in my heart.