To Do: Relax

I must be PMSing. Let's hope so, because the alternative is that I am a moody mess for no apparent reason. Of course that's not true- I always have lots of reasons, but they just don't really matter. I would like for my mood to be independent from my financial situation or the state of my relationship or how successful my outfit turned out. There is a diagnosis from my counselor from way back six months ago that is alarmingly accurate and I probably should not have read that today. Awareness is the only way to change a behavior, but some days are just not emotionally stable enough for long looks in the mirror. We got internet and the Wii is set back up so I am free to do Woga. Also helpful is the task of sitting perfectly still on the Woard and focusing on a candle. You don't need the Wiimote and I am the household master of that game- Ant's record is something like one second. It makes sense that yoga would help soothe my brain, but the candle exercise does too.

Not that I have the time to finish this, but the diagnosis includes an unhealthy and unhelpful obsession with lists and controlling others. Fabulous. I have been trying to just do whatever it is and not add it to a list, but work is hard because there is enough free brain space to think about other things while answering the phone. I'm working on occupying my hands so I can focus on the call.

Tonight I think I'll do some Woga and maybe a body test to see how fat my Mii is. I tested the other night and found that I met my weight loss goal from something like a year ago. Score!

I am feeling better now, if you did not notice. I may also bake some bread and set the timer to clean the bathroom. In-laws are coming to visit soon, what better motivation is there? They won't care, but I am never so inspired to clean the house as when company's coming. I suppose everyone feels that way- I can probably stop saying that now.

Part of why I feel better is because the diagnosis says to try to identify what I stress over. After briefly reviewing the symptoms and making just the smallest attempt to identify anxieties, I realized that my job is making me insane. Don't worry- this will not be CNA.

I knew this would happen, I knew I hated sitting in a box, I knew I would get frustrated and bored. The difference between now and then (besides ten years) is that priorities have changed- there are things at stake now. It matters.

So deep breaths and internal communication, a little mandatory relaxation and forgiveness are in order. And then resume.

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Perspective

I've been bitching a lot lately about how rarely Chris is walking with me. It gets very old walking both dogs and I especially hate that it always seems to fall to me, much like laundry and policing. I would say dishes, but Chris periodically orders Ant to do them. This week, however, we are watching the neighbor's dogs and I can't wait for things to get back to normal.

I was assured that the dogs would be fine to stay in the yard, but that just didn't work out. Not only would that not fly with me, but Queenie is a hound and Baxter's a beagle. These are noisemakers. The first night, the three of us walked the four dogs, adjusting our strategy to match energy levels and to give each other a break. Afterwards, we put the dogs back in their cages out back. We're pretty sure they were ok that night, but when we came into the kitchen the next morning, we could hear Baxter howling. Chris says Queenie was crying too, but maybe I couldn't hear her over Baskerville, I mean Baxter. Another neighbor was displeased with the volume and was ready to call the cops, so that was their last night outside. Over the past few days, we have all worked hard to care for them. Ant is letting them out mornings and afternoons, Chris is giving them free time in the backyard, I'm on food detail and evening run around the yard time. Starting Thursday, it's been on Ant and I for the walks since Chris is working.

We've been adjusting our strategy nightly, and tonight we got really close. There are warehouses nearby with patches of grass and very few people. Ant's feet were hurting after being pulled over about 4000 breaks in the sidewalk. The warehouse has smooth asphalt on 3 sides. Tonight was still frustrating and exhausting, but better.

I feel terrible if my dogs don't get a good walk every day. After this recent experience, I realize that I am actually a really good dog owner for two reasons: I trained my girls well, and I walk them almost every day. This means their training is continuous. I had Baxter and Jasmine to start, and I periodically had to switch sides. I stared in amazement because it was the Pit Bull that was giving my arm a rest. She responded to the lightest touches and attentively kept pace with me. When I stopped, she sat. And Riley, of course, was trotting along ahead of us. She likes her freedom to sniff, but keeps the same pace about 20 feet ahead. She waits for me, and looks back regularly to check in with me on where we're going. On walks, they are quiet, calm, and obedient. They know they have to stay on the sidewalk, even if the sprinklers are on. I do a great job with them, and I am very proud of how well they behave. Notice how Jasmine is walking with other dogs? Uh-huh. After yesterday's skateboarding didn't wear Baxter out or improve his behavior, Ant begged me to train these dogs. Then he said he would send his puppies to me for training. We are exhausted. If we want to accomplish anything, it has to happen before the dog walk because we are worthless after it. Nothing will make you appreciate your dogs like watching somebody else's.

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Done

All the pieces are here, despite Solo's best efforts. She likes to curl up in the box whenever possible, but sometimes she'll just come in and pull up a corner and knock pieces on the floor. I got really worried when I found a piece on our bed one day. She stole it, carried it all the way down the hall and deposited it where I was sure to find it, like she was trying to show me that she could ruin my afternoon any time she wanted. I've spent weeks wondering if all 2000 pieces were here. Now, that is a demented cat.

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Gaaaaarrrggghhh!

I love puzzles when they're at this point.

I stood up to take a picture of it and Ant held up the box.

"Why are you doing that?" I asked.

"So you can show how much is left."

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So Close!

This is the point in a puzzle where I can't stay away from it.

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Sounds Your Kids Have Never Heard taken to an extreme.

Ant's trying to call Topaz.

"Every time I call Grandma, it makes this noise!"

He holds the phone up to my ear and I listen.

"That's a busy signal."

Chris giggles. "You don't know what a busy signal is!"

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"It just glitched out, I swear."

I heard music coming from Ant's room and went to steal another picture of father and son jam sessions. It was just Chris, rocking both the drums and xylophone at once. I tried turning on the light switch and it didn't work. Actual conversation:

Jenny, flicking the light switch making "huh" faces at Ant.

Ant: "Oh, I've been using natural light."

Jenny, eyes narrowing, flicking light switch more deliberately.

Ant: "It doesn't work?"

Jenny, shaking head with raised eyebrows.

Ant: "Maybe it got unplugged."

Jenny, pointing towards the lamp.

Ant: "It's plugged in, I don't know."

Jenny, flicking light switch with concerned expression.

Ant moves lamp. "Yeah, weird."

Jenny sees light bulb wiggle, leans forward, mouth drops open.

Ant: "Whoa, how did that happen?"

Jenny, raising one eyebrow.

Ant: "Maybe it got knocked into."

Jenny, raising the other eyebrow.

Ant: "Maybe I knocked into it."

Jenny, looking at Ant over glasses.

Ant: "I opened the door too fast."

Mmm-hmm.

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