No option, just the highway.

Today is SLOOOOOOOW, probably because I get to leave early today.  It’s also just busy enough that I can just start looking at something before the phone rings, but it’s not constant.

I totally didn’t go last night.  Instead I cleaned up and sang along to the Everly Brothers.  Poor Jenny! That’s a funny song.  I was singing along to Barenaked Ladies until my cd started skipping DURING MY FAVORITE SONG.  Fantastic.

I plan to go today.  Will I go?  You know, I did not call Tracy yesterday, so I did not get harassed to go, but I did run several errands that were piling up.  Whew.  That felt better.  And I did two loads of laundry, cleaned half the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen, policed the apartment, and watched Deep Impact.  You know I love my disaster movies.

Today I will escape early and I hope to take Riley to the Launder Mutt (I have been creating my own spelling, but this is what it’s actually called.  Their version is way better.). I would like to do that today, but they seem to have short hours, so I may have to do it on Saturday.  Riley is smelly and covered in some sort of black grime.  Ew.

Hey- I just thought about another thing that’s good about this relationship being over.  I no longer have to wait forever at Guitar Center, Starsound, the ballpark, Studio on 4^th, or people’s houses.  It is amazing how much yakking he would do everywhere we went and I tried to keep Sudoku puzzles or a book on hand at all times for situations like that.  Usually I would opt to wait in the car and he would take so long that I would become incensed.  When Ant was with us, he would warn Chris before he got out of the car that he was not allowed to stand around and talk to people all night, which is exactly what he would do.  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

I was just thinking last night about whether or not things are better now.  I know that sounds crazy, because it seems pretty clear right now, but it’s not always that clear to me.  I think I am probably still thinking in terms of what’s better or not for him, or maybe for Ant.  It’s frustrating to budget the bejeezus out of every month and still not be able to get out from under his stupid bills.  But to be fair, I just got the raise and probably need a little time to let things settle out.  Plus, he should be back to work by now, so I can continue harassing him for money just like I’ve always had to do, only now we’re not together anymore!  Can you picture me shaking my head?  Maybe it’s a tradeoff to only have that hassle instead of all of the others.

But yes, it is better, not that that’s news to anybody but me.  It’s sad and lonely and it’s all up to me, but as a few of you have pointed out, I’m carrying a lot less of a burden now.  Why could I not get it through Chris’s head that contributions have to be more than just financial?  I wonder if I will ever be able to share a household again.  I think I have already gotten used to having things my way.