Sorry, Mom.
I didn't mean to sound so miserable. I was just trying to talk myself through it and recognize that it was temporary. I wanted to document my absorbed lesson: feeling scared and uncomfortable and doing it anyway. New things are never going to feel comfortable, and that's ok. I felt like it was actually a positive thing to cry my way through it and continue right along, and I could picture myself years from now, crying steady tears as I got ready for some new job in the future, just much less upset about it. I could imagine responding to my husband- assuring him I was fine and this was something I was accustomed to and practiced in handling. Someday, years from now, this will happen and I will get a sense of deja vu. (I am not messing with accent marks. I can't even find where they are.) And besides- there is so much more going on at the moment than just a new job. Now, granted, there is always some drama going on. (My counselor giggles before she even finishes asking me what's going on, because I always have some crazy, long-winded story.) But I felt all that emotion and sadness and fear welling up and eventually I will have it so identified and understood that I'll be like, "Sorry, friends, I need an evening in," and put on Steel Magnolias or Curly Sue and cry my eyeballs out and be done with it.
Today was fine. It was overwhelming and busy and I was struggling to keep up with my lists all afternoon, but several more of my new coworkers came to welcome me, and a friend gave me an unsolicited pep talk that I greatly needed. She seemed to understand exactly how I was feeling and really hit on the underlying fears rather than just assuring me that I would be great. It was empowering and supportive and awesome. I have a lot of projects to work on, and everyone keeps saying that they understand I'll need time to learn it all, but they are looking forward to seeing what changes I make, and they are largely referring to the physical organization of the office. Well... I'll be all over that.
I suspect I'll sleep better tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment