Last night,
I got the motivation to clean up my apartment when someone threatened to come
by tonight. I was listening to a new recommended podcast that provides some
discussion, tips, and exercises to improve your happiness. It’s incredibly
helpful to listen to something like that while picking up. It was getting
closer and closer to 10, then 10 rolled right on by, and I kept going. It
seemed much more important to take advantage of the motivation while I had it,
especially since I have been so exhausted and in pain this week.
Two people
have said it looks like I’m losing weight, which is quite a relief, because I’ve
been working on several facets of my health for a while now. I hurt myself in
yoga on Wednesday- I blame all the goddamn downward dogs. We had just done
many, and I wonder just how loud my exhalation was when the instructor then led
us into a sun salutation. “Fuuuuuuuuuu…” Yoga has been good and helpful and
interesting and all those things. It’s becoming easier to go, and I regret it
when I don’t- though those times are turning into can’ts way more often than
don’ts.
I must have
pulled something in my shoulder, and the muscles in my chest were not pleased,
either. Of course, it’s been a while since I challenged them, so I imagined the
heart attack I was surely having, and how long it would take before someone
came to check on me. I’m also not getting much rest, as the allergies are awful.
I wonder how in the hell so many of us suffer from allergies, even when we live
where we grew up. Maybe we’re all air conditioned weenies now. A nurse was
admonishing me the other day about drinking diet soda at all (as if I or anyone
actually thinks it’s healthy- I KNOW I need to quit and will do so as soon as I
can. Now is it my turn to tell you what you’re doing wrong with your life?),
and suggested iced tea as a replacement. I ABHOR iced tea (Hot is fine; cold
feels so wrong.), but her idea was that I could sweeten it with honey, which is
such a fantastic idea for a diabetic. (Am I coming across as bitter enough?) If
it’s local honey, that’s supposed to help with allergies, so that could be
good, but I’m not a huge fan of honey, either. I’ll give it another shot,
though (diabeetus joke), because maybe I’ll like it better this time.
So I’m hurt
and tired and even though my place was clean last weekend, it got all
discombobulated again, and the potential visitor motivation was happening as I
was listening to this podcast that asked if I was an upholder, a questioner, a
rebel, or an obliger. https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/03/quiz-are-you-an-upholder-a-questioner-a-rebel-or-an-obliger/
I’m sad to report (not that it’s news to you)
that I think I’m an obliger (and apparently most of the population is). This
generally means that you can meet others’ expectations of you, but you can’t
meet your own. Now, this is just another person making up personality types and
slapping names on them, which is so popular in mental health circles.
Yesterday, I was searching for articles and came across this actual acronym:
serious mental illness (SMI). But who cares… the important part- after
identifying how you work- is learning how to work with it. Embrace it!
There I was,
bustling around, picking things up and putting them away, WAY faster and more
efficiently than I ever could without that outside motivation. I welcome these
kinds of motivations! It makes me feel good to have a nice, organized, cozy
home, but even though it’s important to me, I have trouble taking the time to
do something that I value. I totally do want to impress my visitors, but the
feeling of happiness I get from my cozy place lasts long after they leave. It
turned out to be so valuable to me that I stayed up a little later and went to
bed with a peaceful feeling. Apparently, the way to work with this problem is to
create that external expectation, so if the threat of a visitor works, I can
use that. The examples they gave were signing up for a class or telling a
friend you’re going to do something. As an obliger, sometimes you’ve got to
create the obligation.
So far, so
good, right? So this morning I turned on another one of their podcasts (just
sampling a bit before it goes on the favorites list), and was challenged to
identify a person I envy. They said the person you envy is usually quite
similar to you in age and status, etc., and has or does something you want.
How timely.
Recently, I have been so annoyed by a woman’s maddeningly artistic Facebook
posts. I think it’s almost smarmy at times, but now I realize that must be
envy. I don’t want to say too much and give her away, but there are many things
I want about her life, and I almost feel like she’s doing things that I do and
stealing them as her trademarks. Not that it would have been possible for her
to steal- this is her. I felt like I should distance myself because her
contentment annoys me. I have resisted the urge so far to block people, because
I do not want to limit my views. If I don’t like how I’m reacting to this
person, maybe the best thing to do is not pull away, but lean in. What exactly
does she have that I want, and can I figure out a way to have that?
Kate Whitley
littlethingsstudio.com
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