I went to Smith’s this morning hungry, and didn’t buy a
doughnut. I had to get a new something for the potluck (brought the other
to a friend’s house) and forgot to pack my breakfast. I bought some imitation
cuties (which I’m going to aggravate myself over for the next week and a half,
because they never peel as easy) and some unsweetened iced tea. Seriously, I
wandered through the bakery section and out again without buying my
breakfast there.
What item is currently in my purse?
a) a small jar of jalapeño jam
b) a National Geographic magazine
c) a windsock
d) a hammer and nails
This morning, Ant asked me what a good name for an owl would
be. He said his friend just got a pet owl that he’d ordered online. Suddenly, I
was no longer entertained. I could see how I looked to him- like some
overzealous PETA advocate who takes things too seriously. I don’t imagine there
would be tons of carnivorous PETA members, but other than that, he’s mostly
right. And yes, I do recognize the contradiction. But Jennyway.
He saw this online purchase as no big deal- just thought it
was cool that his friend got an owl and wanted to leave it at that. Our
conversation very quickly derailed as I threatened to show him documentaries on
wild animal trade. When we got to: “I don’t need to watch a documentary just
because I like owls,” I decided it was time to walk the dog. I took Riley out
and breathed in some cold air and thought about what I wanted to say next. I
tried to compare my experience to his and while I do think I did a large amount
of weeping for the world when I was a teenager (and ok, maybe a bit longer than that), I also
recognize that he has always been kind to animals. I thought I wanted to tell
him that his thoughts scare the shit out of me and he needs to widen his view.
But that’s ridiculous. He is right where he’s supposed to be at this age, and
while some teenagers have a bigger sense of the world, this is a time when they
are undercooked and self-involved. I mean, my martyred view of the world did
not propel me into action, just paralysis. Also, as far as constructive conversation
goes, that would get us nowhere. So when we reconvened in the kitchen, I told
him the same thing I used to say when we lived together before: that everything- EVERYTHING- has a good
and bad side to it, and it’s not fair to look at just one side. (And that goes
for me too, because I can certainly see how cool it would be to have a pet owl
because they are really neat creatures and I’m trying really hard not to add a
but in here.) Ant immediately acknowledged that, and said he could see how it might be a problem to order an
animal online, and of course he’d want them to be well taken care of.
I suspected that it was illegal, so I just went to look it
up. I checked the U.S. Fish and Wildlife website too, but this one lays it down
specifically related to owls.
The short answer is: of course it’s illegal. Without spending the next few hours researching the
laws and definitions and classifications and permits and varying species of owl, I
am reasonably comfortable with the assumption that you should probably not be
buying an owl online. I’m also reasonably sure that this friend didn’t buy it
himself, which makes me want to slap the idiot who bought it for him, then turn
him in. This is why government regulation is so often necessary- because
sometimes people lack common sense. It’s understandable- I often find myself short
on it, but there are reasons for laws and consequences for our actions. There’s my
wildlife tangent.
What am I going to do about this? Show Ant what I found and
talk with him about it. Let him see the reasons and share those with his
friend. I probably can’t call the owl SWAT team, but if I can find out enough
information, you can be sure I’ll relay that to the people whose job it is to make that determination. Maybe this kid is out telling the world anyway, and enough people will react
with something other than “Oh, that’s cool.”
My purpose here was not to go on an owl tangent, but when
was the last time you had one of those?! Really, I just wanted to say that I’m
all crazy lately trying to accomplish too many things and I’m having to cross
or postpone things off my many lists and I have to remember at the center of
this- what’s really important to me- are the relationships I have, and I find
that my patience is too fragile under stress. Granted, teenager brain is very
trying, and the things I think that just make sense- elemental things- are not
yet solidified for him. For example, rinsing dishes and putting them directly
in the dishwasher to avoid congealed food and an annoyed stepmother- that one
takes daily prodding. Last night I asked him why I have to tell him that over
and over. At first I got the standard “I don’t know,” but when he saw I wasn’t
accepting that, he explored a little further and told me he thinks he’ll come
back and finish it later. That at least reminds me that it’s not intentionally
disrespectful, but I did say that it feels that way.
At least five times a day, I mentally apologize to you, Mom.
I really didn’t see the big deal, I really didn’t mean anything by it. It’s
funny how when your perspective changes, you just incorporate it in without
tracking the shift.
Yep, I get to practice my communication and patience and
perspective daily, and last night I found myself wondering why I get mad so
easily. I felt like I should go live in the woods for a year- no isolated
cabin, crazy eyes, or collection of guns, but actually out in the woods
building my own shelters and killing my own food. I bet that would help me sort
out anxiety from real problems. Ant called me a hoarder recently, and while he
amended that thought considerably, I have been looking at what I have. I see
the same problem there as in many places: unfinished projects. Those things
have nagging attachments, and while it feels good to finish something- anything-
the nice feeling of completion doesn’t last nearly as long as the
procrastination does.
As for Ant, I was happy with the way our conversation ended
this morning- he said it would be bad if animals were sent through the mail,
then giggled about the idea of me sending him to L.A. that way. “You can expect
him in about 3-4 days. I put snacks in there, but you’re gonna want to have
some food ready.”
I’m no kid in a kid’s game
I did what I did, I’ve got no one to blame
But I don’t give up- no, I don’t ever give up
It’s all I’ve got, it’s my claim to fame
-Patty Griffin
The answer is b. A friend gave it to me for the article it has on the teenage brain.
No comments:
Post a Comment