This kind of thing always happens at 2am

Now it's 2:45 am and I'm holding a bowl of chicken and rice at an angle. Riley is happily nosing through the rice for the chicken bits. She's been whining on and off through the night but I woke up at 2 to her panting. Google said call the vet, so I called Reno's godsend, Animal Emergency Center, and asked if Riley could have another pain pill. Nik strongly recommended pill pockets last night, and I am singing her praises. Who knew I would desperately need them 6 hours later. I got Riley up and got the pain pill down, and she limped to the other side of my room, sat down, and smelled the air, so I brought her the other half of the pill pocket. She ate it right up, interested and whuffling at every piece I held out, so I went and grabbed a chicken and rice container, threw it into a bowl and warmed it up. She ate most of the chicken bits with gusto and then stopped a couple times, looking at me with the expression that said the medicine just hit. She quieted down and is now lying with her head on my socks. I thought a headrest might help her get up easier.

I knew this first day or two would be the worst, the absolute worst, and so far it is awful. It was suggested to me that I take Tylenol PM because I would likely be both sore and restless, and I do think that was sound advice. I just didn't feel last night that she was entirely good, and wanted to keep an ear out. It made for a shitty 4 hours, but I'm glad I heard it when the panting started.

I'll call the vet in the morning and see if we can't increase the dosage to keep her comfortable. If this kind of pain continues, and she doesn't improve, of course we can't keep going. I wonder if my Facebook post will prove to be ill timing- if we don't have that long at all. I feel like I can anticipate some people's reactions, like they're already judging and feeling like it's already been over and they know what I should do.

In those moments, I think about mindfulness and noticing what thoughts are occurring. I think about what Kate said about being present in the moment. I am asking myself to stay with what's happening no matter how upsetting or uncomfortable- not thinking about the past or anticipating the future- and to be open to the signs she sends to let me know when she is ok or not. So far, my rule in this is not in pain. If that means rest and meds and a happy dog, ok. If it means the end, I will be ok.