Riley is feeling MUCH better. I called the vet on Tuesday morning and left several messages until I got to speak with one Riley saw. They are really good, but super busy. He listened to all my concerns and asked questions- I didn't feel rushed at all. He prescribed another couple medications, and I called back on Thursday with a status report. She seems back to her old self and I am very happy. She does not understand why I keep carrying her up and down the stairs, but the vet said one month, so tough. I put out puppy pads and she finally used them starting Friday, and several times since. I'm sure once she's back on her regular schedule and not on pain pills, we'll both be happy to have her do that outside, but I'll keep one out in case.
Looking at her now, I see why the vet wasn't talking about putting her down. She's ok- just old. A friend told me about a scale that exists to measure a dog's quality of life- you rate things like appetite and energy level and so on and put the number on the calendar so you have a measurable way to see trends. She said her vet told her you'd rather be a week too early than a minute too late. That is a scary, scary thought. Sunday through Tuesday were awful days, and several times I thought about calling someone to help me, especially when I had to do something that hurt her. I would have had help in a minute had I asked, but each time, I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I'd ask if it was for her or for me, and then I'd let that breath out and proceed. Thanks to the mindfulness class and Kate's reminders, I worked hard to try to stay present and minimize the hurt- to think about my state of mind and what I was projecting to her. And we got through it. Kate said she thought this was good preparation for what is to come, and I do feel a little more confident. I know where my line is, I know what's too much for her, and nobody is going to be able to make that call but me. Now I know that I can, and I have an idea of how hard that will be.
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