Less poopy

I just want to come back here and tell you that things are better. It helps so much to be able to vent and see a little perspective and make myself laugh, but also I went to the doctor and I didn't even have to be patiently insistent- I just asked for what I needed and got it. It worked out in a way that it shouldn't have, maybe, because it seems like the stars just aligned, but they were very kind and helpful and I am ridiculously grateful.

I came home from that to walk Gus before I went to work and he pooped another puddle, but there was a... well, I'll spare you, but let's say a glimmer of poo hope. Then I went to work and was a busy little bee and that felt nice. I worked and worked and then at about 20 min to go, my blood sugar hit the floor. I had to have a bunch of sugar and got an instant migraine. I came home, took Gus out, then the animals and I curled up in bed and I dreamt of a bunch of sea lions all happily piled up in a pen. I don't know why they were happy.

I got up to find that I still have the headache, and I had to make Gus food for tomorrow, so this time I made two pounds worth of ground turkey. I have been doing this so much that I have gotten really good at eyeballing the amount of water needed for the rice. This time I made 3 times what I normally do and got it perfect! Well, rice may not be a perfectly measurable thing. This is important to me because I am not normally that good with spatial intelligence tasks.

Also today, I got encouraged to pursue some resources to help with the poopy coworker. That, along with the book I'm being asked to read, ties in beautifully with this need for assertiveness that I was writing about yesterday. I mentioned this to my nonpoopy coworker, and he told me he thought I was very good at being assertive. How nice is that? I'm not, but I'm glad it at least looks that way sometimes.

This is probably a really boring blog, and I'm sure yesterday's wasn't much better, but man... this is just a rough time! Even the good stress is still stress, and I am longing to sit in the sun with a book, like I used to do with Riley when I got home from work. We don't even have weather, just cold, and sometimes wet and windy. I should not ask for snow, but the obligatory Reno resident motto is that we need it. Then you have to clarify that "We don't need snow down here, we need it in the mountains."

So I had this great idea about how to help a friend and I was busy beating myself up for not thinking of it sooner, and I was going to try to figure it out tonight and had to just stop and try to reason with myself. It's better late than never, and you probably shouldn't make yourself a pest in the process, so just chilllll and do it as soon as you have time and no migraines. It will be welcome and helpful when it happens.

Tomorrow is my class and I was actually thinking about that walking to my apartment when a neighbor asked if I am a teacher. I had no idea how to answer that, and when I see her tomorrow I will talk to her more. I know I wanted to be a teacher when I was little, but I always thought that was because I had a limited understanding of the options. It's funny how things come around. I am already excited about this class and what we can do in it, even though I have been feeling stressed about teaching it again. I think I just feel like it's time to do something new, but this morning, one of my former students left her desk and walked all the way around to come out and hug me. She recently started this job and says it's thanks to me and this class. I automatically reject those statements, but it is so cool to see people do what they never thought they would, regardless of why.

Tomorrow we're talking about goals, stress, life, and mindfulness. I have some things in mind and I am so excited. This will be fun, and I will be well rested and headache free. I also have a yoga teacher in there with me, ready to do some mindfulness exercises. How cool is that? Don't worry, we will be burning through the concrete stuff soon enough, but we've been restructuring the class to talk about goals and move towards them all the time. I know what mine is, but one of the biggest things that's surrounding me right now is enduring and even embracing discomfort. Because- damn, what else is there to do?