Whatever Works

Last night, I got the motivation to clean up my apartment when someone threatened to come by tonight. I was listening to a new recommended podcast that provides some discussion, tips, and exercises to improve your happiness. It’s incredibly helpful to listen to something like that while picking up. It was getting closer and closer to 10, then 10 rolled right on by, and I kept going. It seemed much more important to take advantage of the motivation while I had it, especially since I have been so exhausted and in pain this week.

 

Two people have said it looks like I’m losing weight, which is quite a relief, because I’ve been working on several facets of my health for a while now. I hurt myself in yoga on Wednesday- I blame all the goddamn downward dogs. We had just done many, and I wonder just how loud my exhalation was when the instructor then led us into a sun salutation. “Fuuuuuuuuuu…” Yoga has been good and helpful and interesting and all those things. It’s becoming easier to go, and I regret it when I don’t- though those times are turning into can’ts way more often than don’ts.

 

I must have pulled something in my shoulder, and the muscles in my chest were not pleased, either. Of course, it’s been a while since I challenged them, so I imagined the heart attack I was surely having, and how long it would take before someone came to check on me. I’m also not getting much rest, as the allergies are awful. I wonder how in the hell so many of us suffer from allergies, even when we live where we grew up. Maybe we’re all air conditioned weenies now. A nurse was admonishing me the other day about drinking diet soda at all (as if I or anyone actually thinks it’s healthy- I KNOW I need to quit and will do so as soon as I can. Now is it my turn to tell you what you’re doing wrong with your life?), and suggested iced tea as a replacement. I ABHOR iced tea (Hot is fine; cold feels so wrong.), but her idea was that I could sweeten it with honey, which is such a fantastic idea for a diabetic. (Am I coming across as bitter enough?) If it’s local honey, that’s supposed to help with allergies, so that could be good, but I’m not a huge fan of honey, either. I’ll give it another shot, though (diabeetus joke), because maybe I’ll like it better this time.

 

So I’m hurt and tired and even though my place was clean last weekend, it got all discombobulated again, and the potential visitor motivation was happening as I was listening to this podcast that asked if I was an upholder, a questioner, a rebel, or an obliger. https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/03/quiz-are-you-an-upholder-a-questioner-a-rebel-or-an-obliger/

 I’m sad to report (not that it’s news to you) that I think I’m an obliger (and apparently most of the population is). This generally means that you can meet others’ expectations of you, but you can’t meet your own. Now, this is just another person making up personality types and slapping names on them, which is so popular in mental health circles. Yesterday, I was searching for articles and came across this actual acronym: serious mental illness (SMI). But who cares… the important part- after identifying how you work- is learning how to work with it. Embrace it!

 

There I was, bustling around, picking things up and putting them away, WAY faster and more efficiently than I ever could without that outside motivation. I welcome these kinds of motivations! It makes me feel good to have a nice, organized, cozy home, but even though it’s important to me, I have trouble taking the time to do something that I value. I totally do want to impress my visitors, but the feeling of happiness I get from my cozy place lasts long after they leave. It turned out to be so valuable to me that I stayed up a little later and went to bed with a peaceful feeling. Apparently, the way to work with this problem is to create that external expectation, so if the threat of a visitor works, I can use that. The examples they gave were signing up for a class or telling a friend you’re going to do something. As an obliger, sometimes you’ve got to create the obligation.

 

So far, so good, right? So this morning I turned on another one of their podcasts (just sampling a bit before it goes on the favorites list), and was challenged to identify a person I envy. They said the person you envy is usually quite similar to you in age and status, etc., and has or does something you want.

https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2015/04/podcast-6-try-power-hour-consider-envy-back-up-your-phone-and-enjoy-the-process/

How timely. Recently, I have been so annoyed by a woman’s maddeningly artistic Facebook posts. I think it’s almost smarmy at times, but now I realize that must be envy. I don’t want to say too much and give her away, but there are many things I want about her life, and I almost feel like she’s doing things that I do and stealing them as her trademarks. Not that it would have been possible for her to steal- this is her. I felt like I should distance myself because her contentment annoys me. I have resisted the urge so far to block people, because I do not want to limit my views. If I don’t like how I’m reacting to this person, maybe the best thing to do is not pull away, but lean in. What exactly does she have that I want, and can I figure out a way to have that?

 

Kate Whitley

littlethingsstudio.com

Saturday hike

Amanda and Natalia invited me to join them on an easy hike. They got tickets in the annual lottery to hike Half Dome in Yosemite, so they're preparing often. This hike was rated as pretty easy, 2.5 miles one way. We (and RunKeeper) beg to differ. You walk what's really a road at the tops of the hills along Steamboat Ditch, way up above the Truckee River. It was pretty warm yesterday, and we took a... um, scenic detour thanks to varying directions online. I checked my blood sugar about four times before we started and all the through. When I went on the hike with the Meetup group, one of the guides said her husband was diabetic, and the best solution they'd found to keep his blood sugar up was for him to snack as he walked, eating something like trail mix or dried fruit. That worked very well, but it's a little bit of a pain in the ass.

If I get the insulin pump, I'll be able to simply suspend its constant flow and maybe eat a little snack before I exercise. For now, I'm on a long-acting 24 hour shot, which has to be an average of what I'll need throughout the whole day- whether I'm working, running errands, exercising, or sleeping. I can't suspend or boost that when I need to. On top of that, I have to take extra shots for what I eat, accounting for corrections, carb counting, activity, illness, stress, and any leftover insulin from the previous shot(s). Do you see why there are such fluctuations in controlling diabetes with insulin?

I had to eat quite a bit to maintain my blood sugar on the hike. I love how the informative pamphlets on diabetes all say how you can still keep an active lifestyle, but that shit ought to come with an asterisk: *It's just a giant pain in the ass.

Cheese and honey (apparently a Russian thing) before the start
Granola bar before the uphill portion
Granola bar after the uphill portion
Apple during the last leg before the turnaround

All these choices were determined by regular stabs to the fingertips. My blood sugar sustained on the way back, propped up by the food, the downhill direction, and the sun setting.

The sunset was gorgeous, and the light was spectacular. The hills were nice and green after all the rain we got a couple weeks ago. It was cool and comfortable as we walked back- Zoey the German Shepard easing down the bank to drink as needed. It was lovely, and we decided to meet at Squeeze In the next morning to undo our workout.

Home again

On Monday, Dad had to go to work early, so I got up and slowly got everything ready to go- attempting to avoid traffic in LA. I went to breakfast, washed and dried my sheets and put them back on the guest bed, put away all the cds I'd burned, re-alphabetized the cds... gave Riley her drugs, and hit the road by noon.

I got stuck in a traffic jam in LA, then hit more traffic... then finally made it to El Tejon where another woman was attempting to walk her old dog. She commiserated with me, and I totally let her think the reason why Riley couldn't walk straight was because of her age. I stopped again somewhere 3 hours later- probably around Lost Hills, because that whole area is the Bermuda Zone. I'm not just calling it that because I am tired.

My last stop was in Auburn  (I try to stop in places I like the names of), where I got some tacos and Riley's drugs wore off. I almost made it to Reno with just two stops, but there isn't much choice when urine need of a bathroom.

At home, Mini doted on us as much as possible as we staggered to our beds. Mini promptly curled up on me and stayed curled up against me all night.

I had Tuesday off, so I lazed around, unpacked, and went to see Mad Max at the fancy theater. That was a lot of fun. The rest of the week went fast, of course, and now I have a three day weekend, because I am getting this vacation thing down.

Even more pictures

On Sunday, we met up with Nik and Dana at Happy Head for some massages. I'm too tired to explain the whole process, but Dad and I got Asian reflexology massages, which is like a normal massage, but with clothes, and you soak your feet for a while, and they work extensively on your feet, which is so amazing that I fell asleep. So did Dad, but he snored so much, he woke himself up.

Then we went to this amazing restaurant and ate yummy food (Right?), and walked on the beach.

Nik had to take Dana to the airport, so Dad and I walked the beach some more, then drove up the coast. We had leftover grilled food for dinner.