Prestige Worldwide

Tonight was the last softball game. I hit the ball over second base and made it to first of my own accord- not due to an error or distraction. Did you hear that? I hit the ball OVER SECOND BASE. I went to the batting cages again last night with Ant and Amanda, and got some practice in. That was my goal for the season and I did it. That, combined with my two catches from the previous game, and I'm feeling like this season was a win, though we lost every game except two- against the team everyone beat, and that same team when they forfeited the game and quit the league. If this were the Iditarod, we'd win the red lantern. And even though I was terrified and dreaded softball every week, I started dreading it later and later until tonight, when I did not feel the dread until the bases were loaded and my turn was coming up. Thankfully, someone else hit and the bases were mostly cleared each time I went to hit. We lost 23 to 7 tonight, but we had fun. And I went to every game through the dread, which sometimes lasted the whole week. I played in my 0 jersey and kept my word and even accomplished my goal. That is a win.

No talk, just pictures

Just the way a Sunday night should be

I think I've spent the last twelve hours cleaning up or running errands or cooking, but it feels nice to have everything all set for the week. Just don't ask about my dining room table.

Now I am curled up on my bed, not quite in it yet. Mini has stopped snaking past and is curled up beside me. Riley is patrolling the apartment in search of missed glucosamine cookies, and Ant is comatose in the living room as he's been for the past hour and a half, but I did get him up to go brush teeth, make bed, and get into jammies.

It's all quiet now- all I can hear the fridge. I got to see a little bit of the eclipse- somewhere between 60 and 70% over, I think. It was too cloudy for the rest, but it was still neat to see.

Goodnight moon.

Goodnight cat, goodnight dog, goodnight teenager and goodnight blog.

"Goodnight stars

Goodnight air

Goodnight noises everywhere"

Random middle of the night blog

Ant's school picture. He's doing really well and I'm proud of him. He's definitely got teenager brain at times, but his intentions are good and the overall results are good. It's so neat to have him back in my daily world.

Here is part of the puzzle Amanda and Nataliia brought me from their trip to Russia and Ukraine.

I celebrate Riley's birthday as sometime in the month of September.

I only let her have four, but the part she's happiest with anyway is just sitting in the grass, enjoying the sunshine.

But still, cookies are nice.

This cracked me up because it made me think of Signs. "Swing away, Merrill. Swing away!" (Remember how the little girls leaves water glasses everywhere? Is it possible that there are no accidents?)

It has taken us some time, furniture adjustments, and chore scheduling, but we're getting streamlined. It's nice to have some help, and that makes my week more manageable. He volunteered for which chores he wanted and each weekday, he does two or three when he gets home from school.

In the whole time he's been enrolled in this school, he's been late to one class, missed none. :)

Riley loves to sleep next to her bed, but she's usually in it by morning.

This Tuesday, he told me he was going to get 100% on his homework. He sure did.

We went to Kohl's (with a coupon, of course) to find him some pants. He liked these pants best, even outside of the clearance rack, so we got him two pairs and a silly t shirt. $18 for the three!

Today I relaxed on my couch between loads of laundry. I got some groceries and cleaned up some, then went out with friends. Last night, I went to see Everest in 3D at the IMAX theater. That was intense. Amanda said I cried more than Keira Knightly's character. It's a hell of a ride, but I don't think the 3D was all that helpful. I will say, though, that I really felt like I could understand much better what it must feel like to be there. Every version of this story is so different, and I think I'd like to watch and read several again, including this one. I did not sleep well- I spent last night thinking and dreaming of some of the worst parts. It's such an intense story, and the movie tries hard to end on a good note, but it may as well be called The Perfect Shitstorm. Nataliia is always threatening to put climbing Mount Everest on her bucket list, but the movie provided visuals that were hard to envision from the book Into Thin Air, so throughout the movie, she'd lean over to me and say, "They are fucking crazy." I've read descriptions, accounts, seen pictures, watched depictions and documentaries, and all of that gave me very necessary background, but this movie gave me a sense about what this lunacy looks and feels like that I just did not have before. The famous quote from George Mallory explains it both completely and not at all: "Because it's there."

I'd say if you can handle it, watch it, because you are just not going to get those visuals anywhere else.

I'm hoping that I get tired soon. I may go turn on the IMAX documentary- the one they filmed during that 1996 season. Ant spends weekends with his girlfriend, and it feels like that's the only time I have to spend in the living room anyway, so it works out. I'm playing tennis twice a week now, and there's just one more softball game. I'm looking forward to having another night of the week back, but I have to tell you that softball has gotten way better. I still dread going, but that only starts about an hour or two before the game as opposed to the beginning of the season, when the anxiety about the next week started the morning after our game. The team has been quite supportive, and they all coach me in bite size pieces. We've lost all our games but two so far, and one of those was a forfeit, but these are not bad players at all. Most of them have played for years, and are really impressive. There's been talk that some of the teams we're playing should be in higher levels, but most people on our team have a good time anyway. 

This past week, I filled in for our catcher, and I like that much better than outfield. Ant and his girlfriend came with me- I told him he had to come to one game. I mostly got the ball to the pitcher, and Kristen tells me I'm throwing way better. I did my part to step in front of the plate in case somebody threw home, but the outfielders usually throw to the better players. Towards the end of the game, though, Kristen threw to me from first. She knew the throw would be too late to get the runner out, but wanted to give me the practice, and it was not gentle. I caught the ball and got cheers from my team- you'd have thought we scored. Just a short while later, she launched it to me again. This time, it was not late, but lost a little accuracy for speed, and I did not have the time to think. I leapt for it. I was in the air as the player crossed the plate. I caught that damn ball, and almost got him. My team roared for me, and I felt SO HAPPY!!! Cristine told me later that Kristen threw those to me pretty hard, which makes it even better. I'm so glad Ant was there for my highlight reel. Before the game that night, Ant was asking if I give 100%. Kristen told him I give 110, which is part of my problem. Back before the season started, she taught me how to throw, catch, hit, and run, and told me it would a lot easier if I wasn't smart, which is a) one of my favorite pieces of feedback ever and b) totally consistent with my tendency for analysis paralysis. Dan Kennedy told a great story on The Moth about a social worker that helped him through a rough and unproductive time, and the quote I wrote down is "You will instinctively know what to do when you move forward." This advice feels so crucial to me, and I think it's been instrumental over the last several months. I've been saying yes, and trying new things. I love that I'm playing sports, and I love that I'm back in tennis. I'm no Serena, but I'm happy and improving. And every week I dread playing softball, and every time I drive home from a game I feel tired and happy... and I think I might play next year.

HSIOW

I knoooow, but I've been very busy.

So Ant has been living with me for about a month now, and things are going well. He's going to school, he's doing his work, he's getting good grades. I just checked his grades and attendance, and we looked over his math homework. I'm super proud. Tonight I went to meet Chris to pick up Ant's bike and a light that belongs to Ant's girlfriend. It's this crazy disco light, so it felt like we were eating dinner at the roller skating rink.

I've been on the insulin pump for almost as much time, and it's getting easier. I still can't get over how easy it is to take a shot, which is still how I think of it, even though there's no longer a syringe involved. That's what 14 1/2 years of programming will do to you. "Bolus," they tell me. "You call it a bolus." Give me another 5 years or so- I'll get it down.

Riley is old.

I smacked my ankle with a bat at the batting cages like two weeks ago, and now I have a third ankle. I may have it looked at.

My department moved today, but only 3/6 of Education's people were there. Two are detailed, and one was out. (Well, one is detailed, the other is "detailed.") My coworker and I got to pack up the three missing people, plus the numerous bookshelves, giant file cabinets, books, class supplies, and less than a third of the office supplies, because somebody had a hoarding problem. Another group is taking over our old space, so they'll happily put that stuff to good use. My new space is a cubicle in my boss's sightline, so I doubt I can get into much trouble. Fun fact: In science class in 8th grade (not sure which round), everybody sat in pairs except me- my desk was right next to the teacher's, because I guess I wasn't doing my work? Not paying attention? Talking?  Something like that. I think it was Mrs. Broskey?

Jennyway. Mini is good. She's 10 now, but I did not put that on Facebook. Put your dog in a party hat, it's cute. Put your cat in one, and people start calling you a crazy cat lady and complain about all the cat hair you shed and threaten to call animal control on your 15 cats and they don't understand that the lovelies need you and it's ok if I don't have enough money left to eat, I can just eat the cat food...

I have a date next week- how's that for a segue?

I kind of feel like I have no time because I'm busy parenting, but it's more that I picked up another tennis class and now I'm playing sports three nights a week. That's crazy, but softball ends soon, thank god.

I'll come back more often.

Kit + even more stuff.

In front is my current kit. I will not normally carry around two meters and two bottles of test strips, but for right now I am using up the old while also using the new one that sends results directly to the pump. In the kit I've also got my lancet device (finger stabber), extra lancets (You're supposed to use a new one every time. I try to switch it every other time.), my insulin pen, needles for the pen, an extra battery for the meter, notes, plus I usually have an actual pen and a log book.

What I'm going to need to add is at the back. Starting from the very back: my insulin vial. I did make some foam holders for my vials years ago, so in those, they'd take up about half the space. To the right are the glucose tabs, which are usually in my kit when I don't have two meters to carry around. To the right of that are two plastic snack bags. I use those to store waste, and I separate sharps from trash so I can easily dump them into the appropriate container. Some of this new waste is recyclable, which is awesome, but I'm not thrilled about needing to 1) upgrade to sandwich bag size or 2) put it all in one bag to sort at home.

Next is the inserter box with the inserter sitting to the left of it- the blue and white toilet bowl looking thing. That's the spring loaded thing I put against my skin that attaches the infusion set to me. I need to keep this clean, so it needs to go in a sealable container- some kind of small box. The black piece to its left is a lock for the top of the pump. I switch that out with the belt clip, depending on whether the pump is clipped to my clothing or in my pocket. I will probably settle mostly on using one over the other, but for now I am changing them out all the time. The belt clip is obviously much bigger.

To the left are two reservoirs. The needle to draw the insulin out of the vial is already attached to these- that's the blue part. To the left is an unopened quick-set. The top blue piece is the needle guard (and what got trapped in my pants yesterday). The needle doesn't stay in me- it goes in, pops out, and leaves the cannula behind. The open quick-set at the bottom right shows off the tubing and the part that attaches to the reservoir. The other end is where it attaches to the cannula- that's the part where I put it on and off. Don't worry- I'll give you more graphic pictures of that later.

To the left you'll see a nickel, which is what I use to open the belt clip/pocket locks. They warn specifically not to use a butter knife, etc., and I need my quarters for laundry, so I'm starting to stash nickels all over the place. The two clear plastic circles are essentially shower caps. It looks exactly like the attachment part, just without the tubing. When I go to take a shower, I remove the attachment part of the tubing and the pump, and put this cap on to protect the port. Again, I'll show you later.

The blue Y thing is a capped used needle. This contraption is originally part of the quick-set. Once the needle part gets removed, you push one arm up and the other arm surrounds the needle, bends it over, and it locks closed. That will go in my sharps baggie. Finally, a battery, but I'm supposed to carry two- a backup for my backup, as the trainer said. After yesterday's mishaps, I see why.

I'll have more freedom through being tethered to a machine and carrying around twice the amount of stuff. I may have found a new example of situational irony.

I have the Nissan of Reno song stuck in my head, so I need to go cleanse my soul with pop music and coupons at Kohl's. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't find any pants I want to try on.

Days 1 & 2

So how's the insulin pump going?

I came home today with two new holes in my body without anything attached to them, no insulin entering said holes, a surprising amount of medical litter in my bag from today's failed attempts, puffy eyes from my late afternoon frustration cry, and a needle guard caught in my pants where it had fallen earlier, unnoticed.

Dad says I'm right on track.

I got the training on Monday. I was super nervous and while it didn't take me 45 minutes to work up the nerve this time, it didn't go in right. I did the process under the trainer's practiced and watchful eye, and he said I did it great, but I didn't know until the next day that the cannula got bent. (I will look for helpful diagrams for you.) The trainer says that there may either scar tissue or something else in that spot (above and to the right of my belly button), but when I was relating this to my know-it-all coworker, she said "Oh, you bent it." Fuck you, lady. Granted, I may be a little sensitive at the moment, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me just messing it up if the guy who is

1) training people how to do this
2) diabetic for 24 years
3) on the insulin pump for 12 years
4) a dietitian and
5) a certified diabetes educator

is telling me that it may not be a viable spot. But we already knew that that lady- though she means well- likes to act like an expert.

I left the training with this weird prickly feeling, but I figured it must be my paranoia, because I had that feeling before the infusion set ever touched my skin. He also told me that the adhesive feels weird at first, and most of the time, that's what people react to.

When I left, my blood sugar was at 83. I had a snack and went to meet Jody for dinner. I was super excited not to have to take a shot, but the pump stopped halfway through and flashed NO DELIVERY and started beeping like mad. I had to take a shot anyway, but because I had no basal...

Ok, quick primer:

The pancreas produces insulin, and it's all the same kind, but it's categorized by its purpose.

Basal- Think of this like baseline insulin. This is the insulin that is constantly secreted a little bit all the time to keep blood sugars steady.
Bolus- Think of this like bonus. This is the extra insulin that is secreted for the food you eat.

The pancreas also makes glucagon which, of course, raises blood sugar, but when insulin is externally introduced, it overrides the pancreas' ability to detect when the body needs sugar. Since Type I diabetics need to replicate both the basal and bolus insulin, there should be a steady flow of insulin, so there is pretty much never going to be a time when the pancreas should be producing glucagon. That's why starting on insulin means that the floor drops out below you and you now have to watch out for going too high AND too low, because your body can no longer produce sugar when you need it.

So wait, Jenny, why were you on two different kinds of insulin? One was the short-acting insulin for the bolus. The other was the closest thing they could get to a 24-hour insulin. They (mysterious scientists) developed an insulin that would work slowly, trying to mimic a basal rate. The problem is that long-acting insulins have an arc, so it's never going to be consistent, and apparently they can fall short, and then they're out of your system by 18-20 hours. The only way to truly mimic a pancreas, short of injecting yourself every 15 minutes, is to create a drip system with a port- hence, the insulin pump.


Back to dinner. My insulin irrigation system stopped, which meant that I had to take a shot with my insulin pen. (It was neat when I thought I'd have less to carry around.) That worked fine, but the pump wasn't giving me the basal rate yet- it was waiting for 10pm, when the long-acting insulin I'd taken the night before was supposed to wear off. The basal rate came on, but I didn't know the cannula was bent, so I was receiving no insulin. The night went on, and the pump dripped, but who knows where. I woke up too high, attributed it to my dinner, corrected, and dragged myself to work. I made it 30 seconds into the morning meeting before telling my boss that I needed to go. I felt sick and horrible and something was clearly wrong. I left a message for the trainer and called my diabetes nurse. I could hear my endocrinologist yelling in the background, "It's the pump!" All my supplies to redo the infusion set were at home. My blood sugar was at 468. I took a big shot and went home, where I called Medtronic, let one of their people talk me through the whole process, which has got to be a fun job talking to newbies who are already confused and emotional, but especially confused and emotional due to high blood sugar. A very patient and kind woman helped me through, step by step, and I did a successful attachment of the infusion set. Then I went to bed and slept ALL DAY, gently interrupted with a call or text every hour or so by various friends and Medtronic employees checking up on me.

That evening, I sailed along just under 100. That's too low, but it felt amazing. I've never had blood sugars run so good so consistently, I was able to run around with crazy errands that I will tell you about later, make dinner for 4, juggle situations, and every time I went to test (8-10 times a day for the first couple weeks), I was just cruising along with super awesome blood sugar.

Things went a little poorly with the infusion set change today (I'll normally have to change the set every three days, but I didn't change out the reservoir on Tuesday, so I had to change it before I ran out of insulin.), but as for right now, I am back to cruising along, so that is where I'll leave you. There's lots more coming.