Sunny, warm days are made for naps with the windows open

It is a lovely day today, warm enough to sit outside on my porch in a t-shirt and enjoy the sunshine.  And pants.  I am wearing pants, too, don't worry.

I've got my watered down fountain drink beside me (I'll quit tomorrow, Tracy.) as well as one or both of my animals as they lay out in the sunshine, get overheated and periodically go inside to get some water.  I am grateful for this fabulous apartment and the big tree that filters the sunlight.  I would make some comment about global warming, except that October was frickin' cold, and it will get cold again soon.  For now, it's a lovely day.

Before the battery dies, I need to announce my win in the Reno News & Review's 95 Word Fiction Contest.  Hooray!

http://www.newsreview.com/reno/dynamite-comes-in-small-packages/content?oid=11970988

I caught the announcement this year and decided that- come hell or high water- I was going to enter.  I enlisted Tracy's help for editing and encouragement, and she was awesome with her timely feedback and shooting down my self-conscious defenses.  I tried to follow a loose requirement of working on one daily, and ended up submitting four.  They printed three of those, which blew me away.  I am honestly most proud of entering the contest at all, and as far as I can remember, this is the first piece of writing I have submitted anywhere since high school, and I missed the deadline on that.  Procrastination is my biggest problem.  Stephen King wrote a book called On Writing, and most of what I remember about his advice (aside from writing in everyday language), is the discipline required.  Perhaps I need to give myself a schedule or at least one day a week where that's my job.  I do want to write, I enjoy writing, and this... this is such incredible encouragement.

In addition to such amazing ego-boosting from the contest's judges, I received a tremendous amount of love from my family and friends in response to this link on Facebook.  My heart has been pounding ever since I hit the send button on my entries, and I feel so filled up with love, support, and encouragement that I can't possibly absorb it all right now, but I will be rolling around in the overflow for quite some time.

I do not currently feel a mania to rush around doing chores today.  I have some errands to run and I am also rolling around in an overflow of laundry, but I feel happy and peaceful and unrushed- perhaps because my cushy government job is giving me a paid day off on Monday, so I get to go over to Squeeze In for my free breakfast for veterans, YUM.

It's so quiet in here- just the hum of the fridge and the cars outside.  In apartment complexes, I always feel like the cars are like bees, flying in and out of the hive all day long.  Solo is out on the porch, curled up in my chair, and I am inside attached to the power cord with Riley at my feet.  She's losing some vision, and can no longer find me if the sound of my voice is bouncing off of anything, so on my list of errands today is Big Lots, so I can go find a retractable leash.  I'm going to make a vet appointment to see if they can give me some kind of parameters for how bad it is or what to look for.  I don't think they'll be able to tell me too much more than I already know, but maybe they can warn me of what I don't know or what I can't see.

I'm hungry and I need to get some groceries, but these lulling noises are putting me down for a nap.  Mmmm.  Happy nap.

Accu-Chek Complicated Machinery

Went to meet a couple friends for dinner and drinks and my lancet device (aka stabber) decided it was dead.  This meant that I had to take the lancet out of the device and jam it directly into my hand, which is one of my very least favorite things to do on earth.  What makes the device preferable is that it has a spring inside, so it's a very quick jab, and you can also set the depth of the jab.  Neither of those benefits is available in the self-jabbing method.  I tend to stab myself very slowly (Little did you know that my minor was not art, but actually masochism.) so as not to hurt myself more than necessary, so I have to push the lancet into my finger a little further each time to get enough blood, all the while saying OW OW OW.

I decided to keep the broken lancet device on the table (much to the delight of my dinner companions, I'm sure) to remind myself to drive over to Walmart afterwards to buy a new one.  Brilliant!  Except, at the end of dinner, I just got up, put it in my pocket, and drove home.  I must have used up all my brilliance on Sunday, when I thought to check the gym shoes Chris had just bought for Ant to make sure they were both the same size.  Ding ding ding!  One was 10 1/2, the other was 11.  It would have been awful to get all the way out to Topaz the night before he had to have the shoes to figure that out.

I really didn't want to drive to Walmart tonight, so I checked my box of extra diabetes crap to see if I happened to have an extra lancet device.  Why yes, I do!  But that one's busted, too.  Let me just put that back in the box and see what else we've got.  Ooh, this one looks fancy.



I had a small, sealed bag with two of those little drums, so I ripped it open and tried to figure it out.  Pulled the cap off, stuck a drum inside, turned this, turned that, pulled, played Bop-It... nothing.  Pulled the drum out, tried flipping it over, pull, twist, spin... nothing.  Pulled out the laptop and googled it.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/pM8aZJQ5Kb0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Learned that I had the drum in the right way the first time, but pulling it back out made the red stripe visible, which means that the whole frigging drum is now deemed useless and will not go back in.  I just wasted six lancets.  Nice.  Next, follow the instructions, insert new drum, use low depth setting as suggested, prime the device by pushing the plunger all the way down, make Hulk noises as I learn that "all the way down" is deceiving advice because the release button has already turned yellow, press the release button as I hold the device against the heel of my hand, and... dink.  The depth setting is too shallow and I have to squeeze and squeeze and SQUEEZE the heel of my hand until I milk enough blood out to fill a test strip.  As I'm squeezing, I realize that if I want to try again to get more blood, like I could with my (broken) lancet device, I would be forced to use a new lancet each time.  Seeing as how the lancet drum has to advance after each lancet deployment, I think I had better save my remaining lancets until I can get back to Walmart to buy another $6 plain lancet device.

"Isn't that easy?" says the clearly non-diabetic Australian lady.

Friday Brain

In protest for still being at work on Friday afternoon, I ate popcorn, dropped lots on the floor, then accidentally stepped all over it and broke it into tiny pieces that are impossible to pick up.  The vacuum cleaner is apparently busted, so I am going to look like a slob for a while.  I'll remember to care on Monday.

I'm going to keep checking my phone until it says 4:30.  I've got a $10 Kohls reward burning a hole in my pocket- think I need a new Sonoma shirt.  Perhaps some lovely new socks that cost way too much to consider without said coupon.

I have tiny bits of popcorn hiding in my fleece zippy thanks to static electricity.  I shake the zippy, I brush the popcorn bits, but they don't go anywhere.  What the farrrrrrg.

I got a couple jerky people in a row earlier and struggled hard to build my character.  I needed a Diet Pepsi to wash it down, but I'm good now.

Just found out I'm not the only one having popcorn mishaps.  Jeff said he was in the breakroom eating popcorn while the boss was meeting with some folks, went to grab the bag and leave, picked up the wrong end of the bag, and dumped popcorn all over the floor.  That's awesome.

Still here

This is the point in the day when I start to feel murderous.  Do not send me a view alert or I will stab you in the heart with it.

Blood sugar's good, not hungry... hmmm... perhaps dark chocolate deprived.  I have not been eating my one piece a day, looks like it's no longer in my system.

I am looking forward to a weekend with nothing in it.  I need to catch up on my Goodreads challenge.  They tell me I'm a couple books behind for my 2013 goal, and I am all about accomplishing goals this year.  I would also like to watch movies and take Riley for walks and car rides.

I helped Chris move.  He's now in an apartment, trying to get a clean start.  I am glad- he seems like the person I knew again, unburying himself not just from this past year's bullshit, but bullshit from many years.  He is sad and sorry and seems very insistent on cleaning up his messes, so I am very glad about that.  What's interesting is being in the place that I am.  I saw the house and yes, it is a disaster, but it didn't feel like my home anymore.  I was disappointed- shaking my head and trying to keep my mouth shut because none of it needed to be said, but I took good care of that house.  I fought for that house, I cleaned it, blah blah blah... But I left it a year ago.  I'm glad the girl is gone and that I did not go there while she was in that house, but now it's quiet and chaos-free with just a sad mess left behind.  He's dealing with the rental office, being honest so they already know what to expect, and setting up arrangements to pay for it.

Ant's staying in Topaz for now, going to school nearby.  I got a stern few texts from Tracy telling me to stay away, but I only made one fax and several phone calls- one to the school and many to Elaine- providing a much needed foot in the ass to get Ant enrolled.  Yeah, I know, I should back off and let them deal, but the only person that hurts is Ant.  And I didn't drive down there and enroll him myself, but as soon as I found out he wasn't in school yet, I cracked the whip until it was done.  It's a metaphor, but not by much.  I was furious.

I came home from that weird moving day(s) and just felt so happy to be in my own place.  I have been so bored, so irritated with the current unexcitement, and that was a very helpful reminder.  I don't live in chaos anymore.  My bills are paid.  I have paid off a good amount of debt, and have plans in place to pay off more.  My home is calm, safe.  I do hope that Chris creates that- it sounds like he really wants it- but I am not offering mine and he is not asking.

I talked to Shannon briefly on moving day and when I told her what I was doing, she asked me why, but then said she was not surprised.  Let's hope that's a "because you're a kind person" and not a "because you're a mushy doormat."  I don't feel like a doormat.  I feel like this is within my abilities, though I am paying very close attention to the emotional radar.  I feel more distance than I thought I would, which surprises me.  I still care, I still have love, but I am also very aware of the damage done and the fact that life is better now than it was then.  I can't quite reconcile those conflicting feelings, but I am very reserved about what I do with them.

I am really, really glad that I am the kind of person who is willing to help.  It felt like bitterness and anger was going to live with me forever and I am so relieved to see a future without that.  I promise that in future relationships, I will not let the justification for such anger and bitterness go on so long.  For now, I am happy to live in my little cocoon and rest.

Yeah, I still need to move on to a new job, a new place, start something new and go after whatever I feel super excited about.  I don't know yet which is the best place to go, now that there are some Godfather offers on the table, and I want to take a moment to address one very valid concern that several of you have shared.  I should go whererever I want to, you're right.  And I will.  For now I feel a pull and yes, a mild obligation, to go back to the East Coast.  I'm not going to stay there, so soak it up, Ma!  I will leave again, but I do think it would be nice and needed to have that love and support around me for a while.  I'll get over that quickly, I'm sure (ha ha), and will start to be antsy and annoyed and then you can remind me that it's probably time to be adventurous again.  I love that while you want me there, you're still encouraging me to do what I need.  I love you, and I promise you I won't stay.  You'll all be so over my company that you'll be urging me to go live on a ranch in Montana.  Which I may do, you never know.

I know I've been quiet lately, especially here.  I've just been processing, I guess.  I guess before, I had a picture of where things were going and I don't have that anymore.  No idea, really, and maybe that's a good thing.  I don't know what the hell happened, I don't know what's going to happen... guess I just have to focus on what's happening right now.

Right now I'm doing laundry, right now I'm walking the dog, right now I'm eating dinner.

Right now I feel pretty calm, so let me get back on the phone.

Endings make room for beginnings.

It may have felt like home, but it's not home anymore.

New Job Title (Don't get excited, Mom.)

I took Riley out for a walk and ran into Jody.  We walked around for a while, then looped back over to her house.  While we were busy yakking, Riley disappeared into her house.  Jody went in after her and found her at the water bowl.  It made me feel like a bad dog mom, but I also love that Riley knows Jody well and knows that she's bound to have fresh dog water inside.  Riley has been pretty grumpy over the last couple days.  Solo has been messing with her at night, which is prompting a nasty response.  Those of you who have ever tried to cuddle with Riley know better.  You would think the cat would have figured this out by now.  Let's hope she figures it out quickly.

I brushed them both earlier.  They both stretched out on the floor and relaxed, but Solo's the only one who tried to go eat the pile of hair I pulled out of the brush.  No, ding dong, we're trying to AVOID hairballs.

I'm ready for my next challenge at work.  I'm bored and unamused at the Call Center, except for today when I answered the phone and some guy started explaining, "Yeah, I talked to one of your call girls earlier..."  Oh my.

Nice Day

I wish I could take a picture (easily). of my new phone case, because it has an adorable giraffe and giraffe patterns on it. I could take a picture with my camera and download it and upload it and all that nonsense, but I'd rather you see it in person someday and say, "Oh my GOD, that is so CUTE!" Because those moments are important to me, you see. I think I also have a screen protector on it now, but I can't exactly tell because it had a "peel this off before application" side and a "peel this off after application" side and I think something was left on the screen, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't quite see consulting Geek Squad, as I'm sure I'd get the "can't wait to laugh at you after you're gone" look.

Today I met Elaine and Ant in Carson for the Ghost Walk. (See, I capitalized Ghost Walk because that's its name, not because it's important.) It was supposed to be 90 minutes, but it was TWO AND A HALF HOURS. Ant got whiny about two hours in. I got whiny shortly after that. We had fun and got to see lots of history, including a house that used to be a Pony Express station. The Young Riders, Tracy! Mmm, Josh Brolin. We also got to creep around inside the governor's mansion, which could also be capitalized, but I want to emphasize that he actually lives there. We met his cat.

It was a good day. Elaine was bringing Ant up to Chris's for room cleaning and such, and wanted to stop by and see my place, so I sped home and did a quick dash to hide any underwear or dirty dishes. We were outside when they showed up and Riley gave me a look like, "Was that GRANDMA!?!" and ran over to her truck, tried to jump in, and fell out. Oh, Riley. We cooed, but she was too excited and ran circles around us and led us inside. Elaine loved my place and I do too.