Would you believe that idiot called me crazy?
Slow down on the crazy
stuff
I’m sorry, what?
WHAT?!?! After I accommodate your
income-less winter? No gratitude, you’re
just going to call me crazy? What is it
about a man calling a woman crazy that sends her right off the crazy ledge? Is that supposed to calm us down? It inspires the opposite response:
CRAZY?!?! You think THIS
is crazy? You haven’t SEEN crazy- I’ll
show you CRAZY.
My immediate and strongest inclination when he said that was
to hunt him down and kick him in the nuts as hard as possible. You ungrateful piece of shit… but then…
duh. This is in keeping with your
character. I have been paying some of
your bills while you house and feed a tramp who moved right in after I left who
is largely or often unemployed. No, you’re
right- I am crazy. Good job, though- you
are ridding me of any love or care I had left for you. What a horrible person. You deserve each other. And herpes.
I have a theory, by the way, about why men call women
crazy. After he pulls some bullshit like
this, and she’s stunned and thrown out with the trash, she’s rightfully furious
and he acts as if any ungraceful behavior from her is completely unreasonable
and she must be irrationally attached to him because he is just SO irresistible. I would love to be graceful, forgiving, and
serene about his shitty, irresponsible behavior, but what am I supposed to do
with the fact that I want to murder him?
I got an email from the DMV after following up on the
threatening notice I received regarding insurance coverage on the Dodge. He sold it without turning the plates back
into the DMV. Now I have to fill out a
form and find a notary. Thanks for the
extra bit of inconvenience, asshole. How
about I charge you for the lost time and the notary fee? While we’re at it, what if I charge you an inconvenience
fee for all the bullshit you continue to add to my life long after you’ve left
it?
Speaking of unbelievably juvenile bullshit, I watched Ted
last night. Not the smart videos about
neat topics, but the stupid movie that is a waste of time starring Mark Walberg
and Seth McFarland. I knew it was going
to be stupid and I would find it obnoxious, but I like most of Mark Walberg’s
movies, so I gave it a shot. It wasn’t
nearly as funny as I Heart Huckabees, but then, it’s nowhere near as smart as I
Heart Huckabees. I never used to care
about Family Guy or American Dad- they could be funny, but I was ambivalent. Once Ant came to live with us, I was
horrified. Do you realize how many
really fucked up jokes he makes about women?
Over the years, Ant swore to me that he knew it was fucked up and he
would not treat women that way, but I can’t help but remember the day when he
was about 8 years old and I found him playing Grand Theft Auto, beating every
woman he encountered to death. We had a
long conversation about that one, I assure you.
Mila Kunis plays the put upon girlfriend who has to deal
with all of Ted’s crap and his influence on her immature boyfriend. She’s perfect and beautiful and funny and
patient, of course. But like all women,
apparently, she’s hungry for a ring, even though it seems like she’d much
rather just have him pull his head out of his ass for his own good rather than
hers. Hilariousness (not really) ensues,
and then she forces her boyfriend to choose between the two of them (another
seriously overdone and imaginary cliché), they break up anyway, and something
dangerous happens to Ted just as he was honorably trying to repair their
relationship. The lesson is that you
should never put up with your girlfriend’s ridiculous demands because you could
lose your best friend. Stupid,
perpetuating bullshit. I could imagine
Chris and Ant watching it together- Ant watching Chris in anticipation of what
he should find hysterical, Chris oblivious to what Ant was absorbing. I did laugh a few times pretty hard, but
mostly the jokes were just horribly misogynistic and sad. When everything turns out alright in the end,
it’s because Mila makes a wish to have “her life” back, including Ted’s offensive,
careless, and manipulative presence. I
KNEW I was going to hate this movie. I’ve
read that Mark Walberg is ashamed of The Happening, which shows me that he is
not as smart as I’d hoped. The Happening
was about the spread of fear itself, which is a way more interesting concept
for a scary movie than crap that just leaps out at you and alarming music. I think the only movie by M. Night Shyamalan
that has really, completely worked is Signs.
The others- which I still love- have some really neat concepts and
always have something to do with spirituality and something deeper than just
some stupid special effects. Even though
they don’t quite come together, they are all really interesting. Well, The Sixth Sense worked really
well. As far as a perfect movie, though,
I think Signs is one of the best ever.
It is beautiful. The Happening was still neat, though an imperfect
movie. It’s not the trees, goddammit,
Mark. It’s fear. You’re ashamed of that, but not Ted? Oh no, a TV squashed your dick! Yeah, that’s some fine comedy.
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