Quiet Sunday

Tonight I am settling in with a chicken patty and steamed vegetables for dinner.  I just finished watching The Queen of Versailles, which is both depressing and incredible- I highly recommend it.  It's amazing, and it makes you think about what it really means to be rich as opposed to what we think it means.

I had a good weekend.  I got to see Ant and spend time with him, talk with him, listen to him, ask him questions.  He's keenly aware of what's wrong, but is making the best of it.  I get the sense that Chris is trying to make the best of it as well, and there is something very commendable in that.  I got to provide Ant an escape from all that for a little while, which I am so grateful I could do.

The movie and my weekend are making me think about happiness and greed.  I think my life is very good and that I ought to be more grateful for what I do have.  I have wonderful, incredible, fabulous people in my life.  I have a safe, comfortable, calming, beautiful home.  I have a dog that likes vegetables.

Jody and I took the dogs and her son on a long walk today, plus I got a little time in the little dog park before that.  It was beautiful out today, and I feel like a good dog mom.

I have done a lot of things over the last year with the intention of honoring a promise I made to be kind.  I didn't yank anything away- I let him remove himself first.  If I had to take something away, there was plenty of warning and time.  The worst things from me were said, not done.  I feel justified in everything I have said, but I feel like that's the line, and being allowed to say how I feel doesn't mean I get to act on it.  What I get to do is be in a safe place that I can afford alone, have a boring, frustrating, but steady job, and have such a quiet, calm life for once that I get bored and create excitement where it belongs- in a positive light rather than dark and dangerous.  What I have is what I have created- with the unbelievable help and support from people who really love me and care about me.  Sustaining that is my own job, while I work to

Say I'm an airplane
And the gashes I got from my heartbreak
Make the slots and the flaps upon my wing
And I use them to give me lift
Thank you, Fiona.  This time here alone in my cocoon, where I lick my wounds and learn what I am... I'm not reforming in here, but rebuilding.

Thank you for listening to all of it and still loving me even when you wanted to shake me.  Thanks for wanting to shake me because you love me.  I promise to always make you want to shake me.  But I also promise you that I am learning.