Solid ground

Currently- as in right at this moment- I am feeling good.  Lots of conflicting thoughts have been showing up lately and arguing with each other, but good news!  I currently feel sane.  Reopening this can of worms was awful, as you’ve been reading or skipping over, but here I am on the other side of it feeling more sure of myself.  The hurt remains and will for a while because this was beyond fucked up and I love and miss the people who were my family and my life.  I miss my sweet yet challenging dog and I miss all the things I worked hard for that I got to leave behind for other people to trash.  But I LOVE my apartment and everything in it.  If I find I don’t love something anymore, I donate it.  I clean up after myself and take care of myself and my animals.  I read.  I just realized the other day that I don’t need decoy scissors anymore.  Or decoy tweezers, tape, measuring spoons, measuring cups, drinking glasses, pans, towels, or other household objects that routinely disappeared, only to show up months later in some disgusting project that I did not want it back from.  This saves me so much ire and money!  Just one more nice thing.  And good- there are so many sad, appalling things about this that it’s nice when the nice things occur to me.

Thanks, Tracy, for answering the phone and not rolling your eyes too often when you have to repeat yourself.

I got all excited, thinking I would take Ant to go see Catching Fire, until I found out it’s not coming out until November.  But I can see him- we can make plans for other things and we can talk.  That feels so much better.  And while this recent stirring made me pretty upset, I am emerging on the other side of it feeling more secure and resolute.  That feels good.