I'm here at school with my laptop (Thank you, Tracy) and I finally figured out how to get online. That could be dangerous, but I've been a good girl for the last hour working on my paper (that's due on Thursday). I am suddenly more excited about this analysis paper more than the creative paper because I know what I'm writing about for this one. The idea finally came to me yesterday thanks to Chris taking over and calling the cable company about their annual "Surprise, we raised your rates!" bullshit. Just getting the bill makes me insane so I am grateful that he was willing to be on the phone for over half an hour wheeling and dealing.
I used that free time to concentrate on the book I had just read and the book I wanted to compare it to. I had my brilliant idea that I felt very comfortable writing a five page paper about and started marking every page where this style element occurred. I have a lot of transcribing to do with both books to make sure I have good quotes to choose from, but I'm about halfway through each and I only started last night.
I got an A on my group proposal, the Book Arts class liked my French fold project, and tonight I'll get my Art History exam back. Big money, no whammies! Today did not start well- I didn't sleep well and cut my armpit in the shower, but I wasn't the last one to arrive at Book Arts and I felt proud of my project. Now I have to go to Proposal Writing waah waah but after that is lunch. It has to be better than that Pnone last week.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Because it's on my list of things to blog about
I went by Financial Aid the other day to pick up a summer aid form.
"Come back in about three weeks."
"Wow," I said to the counter guy, "Why so close to the summer semester?"
"There are things that need to be decided that haven't been decided on yet," he said snidely.
Hmm. Well, it certainly seems like they've decided on when to release the form! Remember, they're always swamped at the beginning of each semester and often are delayed in disbursing funds. Wouldn't it help to start processing forms when registration opens? I smell a rat.
"Come back in about three weeks."
"Wow," I said to the counter guy, "Why so close to the summer semester?"
"There are things that need to be decided that haven't been decided on yet," he said snidely.
Hmm. Well, it certainly seems like they've decided on when to release the form! Remember, they're always swamped at the beginning of each semester and often are delayed in disbursing funds. Wouldn't it help to start processing forms when registration opens? I smell a rat.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Pnothankyou
I'll admit it, I don't have a clear understanding of irony. Yeah, I might be an English major but at least I'm not writing papers about it. (Or songs, Alanis.) I keep calling Tracy up and posing examples to her. "Nooo..." she says. Today I think I finally found one. I'm waiting for confirmation, but if it works, I'll share it. Because it's fuuuuunnny.
Today has been a good day. Well, except for lunch.
I started off being late to Book Arts, but that's not abnormal. I sat down to scribble out my book proposal and what I thought would be a place holder might turn into my real project. I wish I had another idea that was as coherent as the Kitty Litter Cake but I have to have the mock up done soon. I have come up with cool elements for other ideas, but with the cat litter thing I pretty much have the whole project figured out. I have neat ideas that I feel like I can execute well, so I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. Hey- that's ironic because there are cookie crumbs in the recipe so... no? Ah, damn.
I spent the rest of the class setting type for the center of my French fold. I'm scheduled to print with my partner on Friday so today's class time was all I had, but I got it done! A couple people complimented my project so I'm excited about that. I think I'll still have a bit of rearranging to do but I'll create a mock up tomorrow and see how it looks. One crazy part about printing is that your eyes are useless without a proof. You cannot get any sense of what it looks like without printing out a test copy. I must have done 7 or 8 proofs just today and it's still not right. I ran a couple final copies to cut out and play with at home so Friday I can fix it and print.
During my break I finished another essay in The Devil and Sherlock Holmes, my March book. I read two more today and that leaves four, I think. I might actually finish the book tomorrow.
In Proposal Writing, we discussed the project that most everyone is choosing: applying to grad school. The teacher had a lot to say on the topic, which affected my opinion. It was an interesting class (for once) and I left in serious contemplation.
For lunch I had already decided on the little Pizza Hut stand in the student services building. I grabbed "Cheese" thinking only of the beautiful tiny browned cheese circles on the personal pan pizzas and when I got to my table I was horrified to find some crusty looking thing with dried cheese sprinkled on top. It had a different kind of cheese that had oozed its way out the side, but that was also now dried. Ew. I tried to tell myself to get up, tell them the Make-A-New-One-By time had expired... but instead I ate it. It was gross. The crust was hard and crunchy- burned bread crunchy. The cheese did something slimy to the inside of the bread so instead of enjoying the loveliness of bread and cheese there was something yeasty in there... oh, it was gross. The name of it was scribbled on the box, but I was so busy salivating I didn't see that until it was too late. After much squinting and huh faces I determined that I had eaten a Pzone, something I had only heard of, never experienced. That's not what was written on the box, though. The box said Pnone and I would have to agree with that assessment.
But whatever, I ate it and I didn't die. I spent the next two hours studying Art History. (I only capitalize classes when I'm taking them seriously. It's about time, what is there- five weeks left?) I brought my typed outline from home and filled in important things about each artist as I read. What a good Jenny. And you're right, Tracy, that big break in between classes is the most time I ever get to study.
In class, I followed the lecture and took more notes. I was seriously losing patience with fifteen minutes left to go but I hung on and tomorrow I will type up my notes and reread the chapter. At least, that's what I'm saying now. I will probably not be capitalizing class titles tomorrow.
I just ate an equally craptastic dinner but tomorrow is another day (with a plan to go to the grocery store). Tonight all I have to do is organize stuff to take to work tomorrow. I slept like shit last night so I'm not assigning myself too much to do. I have the weekend and everything is under control. I should enjoy that while it lasts.
Today has been a good day. Well, except for lunch.
I started off being late to Book Arts, but that's not abnormal. I sat down to scribble out my book proposal and what I thought would be a place holder might turn into my real project. I wish I had another idea that was as coherent as the Kitty Litter Cake but I have to have the mock up done soon. I have come up with cool elements for other ideas, but with the cat litter thing I pretty much have the whole project figured out. I have neat ideas that I feel like I can execute well, so I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. Hey- that's ironic because there are cookie crumbs in the recipe so... no? Ah, damn.
I spent the rest of the class setting type for the center of my French fold. I'm scheduled to print with my partner on Friday so today's class time was all I had, but I got it done! A couple people complimented my project so I'm excited about that. I think I'll still have a bit of rearranging to do but I'll create a mock up tomorrow and see how it looks. One crazy part about printing is that your eyes are useless without a proof. You cannot get any sense of what it looks like without printing out a test copy. I must have done 7 or 8 proofs just today and it's still not right. I ran a couple final copies to cut out and play with at home so Friday I can fix it and print.
During my break I finished another essay in The Devil and Sherlock Holmes, my March book. I read two more today and that leaves four, I think. I might actually finish the book tomorrow.
In Proposal Writing, we discussed the project that most everyone is choosing: applying to grad school. The teacher had a lot to say on the topic, which affected my opinion. It was an interesting class (for once) and I left in serious contemplation.
For lunch I had already decided on the little Pizza Hut stand in the student services building. I grabbed "Cheese" thinking only of the beautiful tiny browned cheese circles on the personal pan pizzas and when I got to my table I was horrified to find some crusty looking thing with dried cheese sprinkled on top. It had a different kind of cheese that had oozed its way out the side, but that was also now dried. Ew. I tried to tell myself to get up, tell them the Make-A-New-One-By time had expired... but instead I ate it. It was gross. The crust was hard and crunchy- burned bread crunchy. The cheese did something slimy to the inside of the bread so instead of enjoying the loveliness of bread and cheese there was something yeasty in there... oh, it was gross. The name of it was scribbled on the box, but I was so busy salivating I didn't see that until it was too late. After much squinting and huh faces I determined that I had eaten a Pzone, something I had only heard of, never experienced. That's not what was written on the box, though. The box said Pnone and I would have to agree with that assessment.
But whatever, I ate it and I didn't die. I spent the next two hours studying Art History. (I only capitalize classes when I'm taking them seriously. It's about time, what is there- five weeks left?) I brought my typed outline from home and filled in important things about each artist as I read. What a good Jenny. And you're right, Tracy, that big break in between classes is the most time I ever get to study.
In class, I followed the lecture and took more notes. I was seriously losing patience with fifteen minutes left to go but I hung on and tomorrow I will type up my notes and reread the chapter. At least, that's what I'm saying now. I will probably not be capitalizing class titles tomorrow.
I just ate an equally craptastic dinner but tomorrow is another day (with a plan to go to the grocery store). Tonight all I have to do is organize stuff to take to work tomorrow. I slept like shit last night so I'm not assigning myself too much to do. I have the weekend and everything is under control. I should enjoy that while it lasts.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Cat food is not appetizing.
I'm really hungry and we don't have any snacks. I'm pretty sure that means I need to go get a cheeseburger.
I have to write up two proposals tonight, one for my individual project in the proposal writing class and one for my book in the book arts class. I've decided I'm going to "apply to grad school" since the other options are to find a need in the community and I may eventually end up going to grad school anyway. For book arts I think I'll turn in a proposal for the kitty litter cake since I don't know what else to do. That will give me a couple weeks before the mock up is due for me to figure out what I'm really doing. The last thing I have to do is type up the artists and titles for what we're covering tomorrow in art history. I've found that it's hard to take notes about a painting with a French or German artist. I get home and I'm like, "Who's nzhxheishxldhjeer?" Plus my handwriting is back to atrocious so I need to limit as much of it as possible.
Actually, that's not the last thing. I also have to practice the body scan for the mindfulness class. "I can do the exercises every day," I thought. Yes, it requires some schedule juggling, but I'm finding the biggest problem is that I really hate doing it. That's why I'm writing the blog now- I'm avoiding the exercise. I have to lie still for 45 minutes and not fall asleep. My mind wanders constantly and I would so much rather being doing anything else. Chris tried it with me last night and immediately fell asleep. Then Jasmine crept up on the bed, curled up on my elbow and kissed us both. I almost made it to the end of the cd before I gave up and turned on a movie. On my walk I kept reminding myself that if I do it now I won't have to do it tonight and can write my proposals instead! That's a sad state of affairs, no?
Ooooooookay, I'll go find something to munch on for now and go get this thing over with... I mean, practice mindfulness in a calming and nurturing environment.
I have to write up two proposals tonight, one for my individual project in the proposal writing class and one for my book in the book arts class. I've decided I'm going to "apply to grad school" since the other options are to find a need in the community and I may eventually end up going to grad school anyway. For book arts I think I'll turn in a proposal for the kitty litter cake since I don't know what else to do. That will give me a couple weeks before the mock up is due for me to figure out what I'm really doing. The last thing I have to do is type up the artists and titles for what we're covering tomorrow in art history. I've found that it's hard to take notes about a painting with a French or German artist. I get home and I'm like, "Who's nzhxheishxldhjeer?" Plus my handwriting is back to atrocious so I need to limit as much of it as possible.
Actually, that's not the last thing. I also have to practice the body scan for the mindfulness class. "I can do the exercises every day," I thought. Yes, it requires some schedule juggling, but I'm finding the biggest problem is that I really hate doing it. That's why I'm writing the blog now- I'm avoiding the exercise. I have to lie still for 45 minutes and not fall asleep. My mind wanders constantly and I would so much rather being doing anything else. Chris tried it with me last night and immediately fell asleep. Then Jasmine crept up on the bed, curled up on my elbow and kissed us both. I almost made it to the end of the cd before I gave up and turned on a movie. On my walk I kept reminding myself that if I do it now I won't have to do it tonight and can write my proposals instead! That's a sad state of affairs, no?
Ooooooookay, I'll go find something to munch on for now and go get this thing over with... I mean, practice mindfulness in a calming and nurturing environment.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Mindfulness is lengthy.
I went to my first Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction class last night. The instructor laughed about how it always sounds as if you spent hours doing nothing when you describe the class to people. We actually did a lot- a breathing exercise in our chairs, the mountain yoga pose (which consists of standing up), ate a raisin, and laid down on the floor. Whew- I was tuckered out!
The class was scheduled to last for three hours. We sat in a circle and tried not to look at each other. I was struck by some people's weirdness and seeming inability to participate or follow the "guidelines". Later I remembered this was a group full of anxious people- no wonder first impressions sucked. I'm sure I looked like an asshole too, that is if everyone else was as judgmental as me. I felt like that goodie two shoes in school who's always trying to tell on everyone: "Teacher, that kid didn't turn off his cell phone!" Shut up, Jenny.
I was hoping we would only have to say our names first and slowly work into speaking to the group but instead we had to say our name, why we were drawn to the class, what we hoped to get out of it, and what our strengths were when we were not suffering from anxiety. Aaugghh! Overload! We did small exercises alternated with discussions where we tried to describe our experiences with the exercises. During the first part we were all kinds of stressed out and everyone raised their hands when the instructor asked how many of us were currently anxious. I'm so amused by this now- it felt like a John Callahan cartoon.
One of the grad students brought in a bowl and put a couple raisins in everyone's hand. We were to consider the "object" as if we'd never seen it before. This is sounding cuckoo. The idea was to try to experience all senses, notice what muscles were used to bring the raisin to our mouth, smell it, roll it in our fingers and listen for a sound. We were attempting to slow down and notice everything rather than just toss it in our mouths and eat 400 more. Part of our homework is to eat a meal that way, super slow and noticing everything. That makes me think about part of our assigned reading:
"Mindfulness practice also cultivates the habit of enjoying pleasant experiences while they last without lamenting their passing."
Boy, does that ring a bell.
Among the things I learned- or maybe the points that hit home- last night were things like this:
Anxiety usually consists of reactions based on reactions based on reactions- predicting what we think will happen. As Chris was just pointing out, I have no faith that things will work out. I am worried about transitioning to the Chapter 33 GI Bill and waiting for the inevitable bad news. I trusted the financial aid would come this fall and look how that turned out. If I anticipate the bad, maybe it won't happen. Or maybe it just won't be as bad as I expect. Or if it is, I'll be ready for it. I must prepare for all possible scenarios. This is quite stressful, as you can imagine.
I had three main things I took from the class last night and now I can only remember two. We're not supposed to take notes (which frustrates anxious people) but trust that we will absorb what's important. I do believe I probably did because whatever it was made a big impression on me. I just can't think of what it was...
Anyway, the last one was when she was talking about another part of the homework. We're supposed to try to notice when we feel anxious: what we're physically feeling, how we're breathing, what we're thinking. Not change it, just notice it and try to record it without judgment, like a journalist. She said we're inclined to look for distractions when we feel anxious but she wants us to turn and face it- try to look at it. Scary!- but I think it could work to try to analyze the reaction instead of the problem.
During the seated breathing exercise I learned something shocking: I don't like being present. Being conscious of my body made it hurt. I felt uncomfortable and I wanted to lie down.
When the instructor talked about mindfulness training often not sounding like we're doing much, I tried not to worry. Productivity causes issues in my life because I always feel like I should be doing something and I also feel like everyone else should be doing something too. This class includes one all-day Saturday retreat and I can't imagine how that day will be filled, or if I will be driven crazy by doing "nothing" for that long. The big formal exercise last night was the body scan, where we laid down on the floor in the "corpse" pose and tried to feel each part of the body without moving. It took so long that I fell asleep at least twice. When I woke up I'd have a tiny amount of anger at still being on the floor and not home in bed. It's a good thing we only had a short discussion after that because I was ready to hit the sack. And when I finally did get home last night I slept well- I don't remember waking up.
Chris says he'll do the body scan with me- I'm supposed to do this once a day until the next class. I can't imagine how I'll find time or a distraction-free environment for an hour but I at least if he participates he won't be interrupting or messing with me. Ant's going to Topaz so I'll have some time to get used to the exercises themselves before I have to figure out how to work around him.
That's about all I've got for now. I'm pretty happy with how I feel already. I do need a yoga mat or something- the beach towel on a thinly carpeted concrete floor is not helping. Chris was horrified when he realized what the towel was for. "You need a mat!" Yes yes, but where does one find bargain basement exercise mats?
The class was scheduled to last for three hours. We sat in a circle and tried not to look at each other. I was struck by some people's weirdness and seeming inability to participate or follow the "guidelines". Later I remembered this was a group full of anxious people- no wonder first impressions sucked. I'm sure I looked like an asshole too, that is if everyone else was as judgmental as me. I felt like that goodie two shoes in school who's always trying to tell on everyone: "Teacher, that kid didn't turn off his cell phone!" Shut up, Jenny.
I was hoping we would only have to say our names first and slowly work into speaking to the group but instead we had to say our name, why we were drawn to the class, what we hoped to get out of it, and what our strengths were when we were not suffering from anxiety. Aaugghh! Overload! We did small exercises alternated with discussions where we tried to describe our experiences with the exercises. During the first part we were all kinds of stressed out and everyone raised their hands when the instructor asked how many of us were currently anxious. I'm so amused by this now- it felt like a John Callahan cartoon.
"Mindfulness practice also cultivates the habit of enjoying pleasant experiences while they last without lamenting their passing."
Boy, does that ring a bell.
Among the things I learned- or maybe the points that hit home- last night were things like this:
Anxiety usually consists of reactions based on reactions based on reactions- predicting what we think will happen. As Chris was just pointing out, I have no faith that things will work out. I am worried about transitioning to the Chapter 33 GI Bill and waiting for the inevitable bad news. I trusted the financial aid would come this fall and look how that turned out. If I anticipate the bad, maybe it won't happen. Or maybe it just won't be as bad as I expect. Or if it is, I'll be ready for it. I must prepare for all possible scenarios. This is quite stressful, as you can imagine.
I had three main things I took from the class last night and now I can only remember two. We're not supposed to take notes (which frustrates anxious people) but trust that we will absorb what's important. I do believe I probably did because whatever it was made a big impression on me. I just can't think of what it was...
Anyway, the last one was when she was talking about another part of the homework. We're supposed to try to notice when we feel anxious: what we're physically feeling, how we're breathing, what we're thinking. Not change it, just notice it and try to record it without judgment, like a journalist. She said we're inclined to look for distractions when we feel anxious but she wants us to turn and face it- try to look at it. Scary!- but I think it could work to try to analyze the reaction instead of the problem.
During the seated breathing exercise I learned something shocking: I don't like being present. Being conscious of my body made it hurt. I felt uncomfortable and I wanted to lie down.
When the instructor talked about mindfulness training often not sounding like we're doing much, I tried not to worry. Productivity causes issues in my life because I always feel like I should be doing something and I also feel like everyone else should be doing something too. This class includes one all-day Saturday retreat and I can't imagine how that day will be filled, or if I will be driven crazy by doing "nothing" for that long. The big formal exercise last night was the body scan, where we laid down on the floor in the "corpse" pose and tried to feel each part of the body without moving. It took so long that I fell asleep at least twice. When I woke up I'd have a tiny amount of anger at still being on the floor and not home in bed. It's a good thing we only had a short discussion after that because I was ready to hit the sack. And when I finally did get home last night I slept well- I don't remember waking up.
Chris says he'll do the body scan with me- I'm supposed to do this once a day until the next class. I can't imagine how I'll find time or a distraction-free environment for an hour but I at least if he participates he won't be interrupting or messing with me. Ant's going to Topaz so I'll have some time to get used to the exercises themselves before I have to figure out how to work around him.
That's about all I've got for now. I'm pretty happy with how I feel already. I do need a yoga mat or something- the beach towel on a thinly carpeted concrete floor is not helping. Chris was horrified when he realized what the towel was for. "You need a mat!" Yes yes, but where does one find bargain basement exercise mats?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Exhaustion now, productivity later.
Didn't sleep well last night, first day back from spring break, ten hours at school, haven't even set my bookbag down and Ant asks me what's for dinner.
I spent today trying to figure out what's due when... the first day back is when you get loaded down with projects and papers and homework and you're still in a semi-zombie state. Huh?
I have a lot of projects and papers and homework but at this point I feel like it's manageable. I'm limiting what I have to accomplish tonight because my brain is fried. But I know what my papers will be on, I know when I can knock out the homework and I know what my book arts project will be. Registration for summer classes is next Monday, I know what classes I'm taking, I know how much they'll cost and when each payment is due. When registration opens I'll be in class and Chris will be registering me for summer. :D Mike & Elaine are taking Ant for most of his spring break so I will have some peace to accomplish my tasks.
Dinner is almost ready (Chris is cooking) and we have errands that must be run tonight, if you can believe it, so off I go. Looks like I'm sleeping in tomorrow. Nice!
I spent today trying to figure out what's due when... the first day back is when you get loaded down with projects and papers and homework and you're still in a semi-zombie state. Huh?
I have a lot of projects and papers and homework but at this point I feel like it's manageable. I'm limiting what I have to accomplish tonight because my brain is fried. But I know what my papers will be on, I know when I can knock out the homework and I know what my book arts project will be. Registration for summer classes is next Monday, I know what classes I'm taking, I know how much they'll cost and when each payment is due. When registration opens I'll be in class and Chris will be registering me for summer. :D Mike & Elaine are taking Ant for most of his spring break so I will have some peace to accomplish my tasks.
Dinner is almost ready (Chris is cooking) and we have errands that must be run tonight, if you can believe it, so off I go. Looks like I'm sleeping in tomorrow. Nice!
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