Making room

I think in my head about good and bad and sideways things to share and I just can't get here to write them.

Tonight I want to write but I agreed to pick Jefe up at ungodly o'clock so we can go get his moving truck because I also agreed to help him move. Whenever I say I'm helping someone move, people tell me, "Wow, you're nice." That makes me wonder how they move. Do you not help your friends move?

So I should be packing and preparing for tomorrow instead of writing, but I have to. I want to write about how sad I am and how pissed off I am at all couples for having someone to run out to get Greek yogurt for the dog at 9 pm while the other unloads the dishwasher and cleans the kitchen. I hope Jefe doesn't need to put anything in the trunk of my car because it's full of books for work that I should have unloaded at the office when I was there this morning. I'd also like to hand wash my expensive bra because that's what it says to do so it can dry tomorrow while I wear shitty moving clothes. Not too shitty though, because I have an appointment tomorrow and nobody knows the work Jenny from the day off Jenny.

I'm trying to buy finger foods these days because I eat standing in my kitchen while heating homemade dog food and medicating the cat. What exercise? What PT? The podcast lady tells me I need a schedule.

A friend posted this and I shared it with coworkers. We all found different words that felt very relevant to our current situations.

Today I trained a new coworker on one of my roles that she's going to be taking over. I am beyond relieved that someone else gets to tame this beast and that because she was sitting there watching, I felt justified in ignoring everything else that swatted for my attention. She also projects calm, and recognizes my need to help everyone, so she tells me when to stop it.

I volunteered to help move tomorrow despite the increasing pain I'm having in my shoulder, and my appointment tomorrow is for PT. Today I thought I should help because I agreed to, but not kill myself or my shoulder in the process, and when it's time for the appointment, it's time for me to stop for the day. I can go back and help the next day if I'm needed, but after that appointment, it's time to go home and nap. Or watch a movie. Or cuddle the animals. Or all three.

My three words were purpose, creation, and self care, none of which I have going on right now. It's been interesting to see how these things pop up in every corner- constant reminders that I am not leaving room for them.

Wish me strength and energy tomorrow... and the ability to say no.

Yesterday felt pretty good

There are so many habits I want to incorporate that I hit about one a month. Hello, blog.

Today I read a car seat manual and learned how to safely transport a baby, then took my neighbors to the store.

I met friends for lunch at a delicious place that I don't go to enough. 

Then I made a new rule that I can't eat at restaurants alone anymore because I do it too often and I'll do it anyway, and I stopped at the grocery store on the way home to get dinner makings.

I took my car through the wash and my winter blankets to the laundromat (ok, so it took me a while) and read my book while they dried. (Yeah! I read a book!)

At home I made everyone's dinner and watched Zodiac while working on my puzzle, then finally took poor Gus for a walk instead of just potties. 

Things are still a mess inside and out, but today I did things, which is great. A neighbor is breaking her lease and asked me to tell her when someone new moves in, because I am always coming and going. "If anyone's gonna know what's going on, it's you," she said. It's nice to know that's true in some areas, anyway. 

This week I like Kacey Musgaves' Wonder Woman.

Whittling down

I've been told by the podcast lady and Sarah that you can reasonably only expect to get 3 things done per day. It is just not possible for me to limit myself to 3 yet, but I'm trying to get down from 27-80. Yesterday I wrote down 6 items and got them all done, which felt amazing and helped me to curl up and watch Dead to Me without guilt.

I'm taking a hoop dance class, which is a lot more fun than I expected, even though you could ask what else that could be but fun. We all drop the hoop constantly and it rolls across the room and runs into people. What's even better is when it rolls away and you chase it and it turns in a big circle so you chase it right back to where you started. There's lots of swirling it around your hand, which is fine on the palm but the back of your hand takes a beating. I have bruises, but the teacher swears it gets better. Yesterday we practiced the rodeo move, which is where you're swirling it over your head like a lasso, then you bring it down over your body and start to waist hoop with it. I can do it about 25% of the time, and it amazed me when it worked- so much that I would forget to keep hooping.

I need to practice, but of course I can't do much in my apartment other than waist hoop, but then Gus comes wandering underneath, and I'm afraid to clobber him in the head, which I know about from lots of unpleasant experience. I'm going to have to go outside in the full view of people and drop my hoop and hit myself in the face a bunch of times. It's super fun, guys!

In answer to your question, I have no plans to hoop at Burning Man or festivals. I think it would be fun to do in inappropriate settings. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

In other news, poor Gus is going blind from cataracts that just got really bad really fast. My friend says that's really common in Chihuahuas, but come on Universe, like this little guy doesn't have enough problems. He's both brave and cautious, trotting on ahead but keeping an ear out for cues from me. He knows up and down and uses that information to negotiate curbs, but I'm pondering the likelihood of him learning right and left. I at least need a GAAAHH sound.

I ordered some wax melts on Amazon in a scent it took forever to find: rich potting soil. It smells good, but like that potting soil crayon, if anybody remembers that, or actual potting soil. They also sent me a sample, which is cool because that shop has a lot of really interesting scents, but unfortunately the sample is cherry tobacco, so I'll pass, thanks. I have a coworker friend who's always on my case about leaving weird offerings in the break room, so she'll love this.

I'm rarely there though, because I started teleworking! I love it and I feel way more productive, but I have to admit that I still have trouble making it to work on time.

The other big news is that I got the new pump and it will go on auto mode on Monday, which means I have to let go of the wheel. The trainer said it took him a month to let go, and to not be like him. It's already turning off the insulin if I go too low. Night Bus is very excited about this new pump and can't wait to look at the sensor graph every two hours.

Still no news on that front, sadly. I remain optimistic and stressed.

Please let me know your favorite wax melt option and I will gladly send it for Christmas. Exhaust fumes, anyone? Puppy breath? They do have really nice ones too, of course, but I am not as fascinated by those.

More tennis lessons

Tennis was great! I'm not moving real fast and I promptly crashed, but it was really nice to be out there again, and these are beautiful courts. I set up a regular time and just like that incorporated some planned exercise into my life. And you know how much I like my life lessons from tennis, so here you go:

Take small steps
Maintain the right amount of distance
Keep your eye on the ball

In other tennis as it relates to life news, I learned that I once again wrote a completely untrue story to explain a gap and punish myself even though Brene Brown told me not to. It makes me think of another situation I'm not going to tell you about where I was telling my therapist what happened and stopped, saying "Hey, you'll be shocked to hear that I figured out a way to blame myself for this."

On a further related note, talking to my boss today, I confessed to dropping the ball on something and she was just not having my self-flagellation. She knew it couldn't be as bad as I thought, and it turns out there were legitimate reasons why I didn't see it (yet another thing I'm not telling, but this time because it's irrelevant- see, I'm learning) and we ended up deciding that you have to let go of the ball in order to juggle. Yeah, see I was just juggling. That's a better story.

What is a dividend?

I keep trying to find time to write just a daily recap and instead it ends up being 11:30 and I'm stressed because the next day has too much packed into it and I'm already starting with less sleep. It's too bad too, because these have been interesting days.

Today is my first tennis lesson in at least a year. It felt so good to put my shoes on. They creaked a lot and I'm not sure if that is out of protest. It will be a short lesson, which probably a good idea.

Today was also my class and I did a review of the math and then we played Jeopardy. It was a hard won battle and the winners received a tiny plastic treasure chest filled with money confetti to symbolize the dividend in a divison problem. It's one way to remember the term- to think of the bracket as a treasure chest and that's where your money goes. Maybe you had to be there.

Coinciding

Sarah and I went to a fundraiser last week and you had to be present for the raffle drawing, which was 2 hours after the start of the event, and you can only wander around Sportsman's Warehouse for so long, so we went up the street to Savers to kill time. Look at this puzzle I found! It's Leesburg! What are you doing here, Leesburg? How did you find me? What do you want from me? I'm sure it's an innocent coincidence, but it would be neat to know the story of who brought it here. It would be a longer blog if I knew that.

Test

Work, you poop parade.