How I Know the Mindfulness Is Working

I made a deal with Chris about the chores- we split the list and I am supposed to accomplish my part before he gets home at 7:30.  I have some more to do before my list is done but I already cleaned the bejeezus out of the kitchen and let's be serious, he's not going to be home by 7:30.

This Thursday in the Mindfulness class we were assigned our new homework: to sit down at the end of each day and document an unpleasant event and our reactions to it.  (We did pleasant events last week.)  I did not have to wait long.

On Friday I went to work and maybe an hour or so in, my boss brought out a flier he'd made.  I saw something on it that confused me and I asked a question to clarify.  His answer only confused me more and I made a remark that made it obvious to him that I had misinterpreted the flier.  Suddenly I found myself faced with a barrage of ridicule- not just from him, but from a coworker as well- implying that I must be absolutely retarded to read it that way.  I was stunned- horrified to be treated like this- as well as completely outraged.  Normally, my reaction would be to shut up and stew in the corner all day, then, hours later when I had reimagined the situation enough times, come up with the perfect retort.  Actually, that perfect response would probably come from Mom or Tracy when I called them to share my outrage. I would be left feeling ostracized and stupid with no way to resolve the issue in my head so it would just be added to the revolving file of poor reactions.  But not this time.

This time I felt outraged and dismissed, pissed off, hurt, the whole nine yards, but I was able to respond.

"Wait a minute," I said.  "If I read it that way, odds are that other people will too."

I didn't lose my shit, I didn't panic.  I still felt everything that I always do but for whatever reason, this time I was able to respond.  On the first day of the Mindfulness class, we were asked what we wanted out of it.  I know I said something, I'm sure it was as true as possible, but I am amending my answer.  THIS is what I want.  So did it work?

Not at all.  Not even a little bit.  He refused to hear what I had to say.  I was trying to be helpful, I got ridiculed, and I was STILL trying to be helpful.  I was not petty or spiteful to him- there was no retaliation on my part, no defensive smartass remark.  And he wouldn't hear it.  Ok fine.

Now, I did spend a while being pissed off.  It didn't help that he threw a jab at me less than five minutes after that, but whatever.  I talked to my other coworker (the one who also read the flier the way I did) and he assured me that the boss is an asshole to him all the time.  We talked about it for a little bit and then I went about my day.  Soon it occurred to me that I had an unpleasant event to document and did so.  That got me thinking about my response and I became really proud of myself.  It didn't work, but that was okay.  I am comfortable leaving this behind because I reacted in a way that I can feel proud of.

I did tell Tracy about it and she wondered why this guy is trying to argue with an English major ("Yeah. YEAH!") but this phone conversation was not about sharing frustration, it was about sharing an accomplishment.  Yeah!

Maybe it's just time for a bath.

Chris and I were having our regular morning pseudo argument about taking the dogs for a walk.  I got in the shower and Chris was watching the Weather Channel.  Suddenly he calls out that he's not taking them for a walk today.  He comes into the bathroom and slides open the shower door to tell me that the high is 33 and it's supposed to snow.  I express disbelief and he starts to close the door.  The door bounces on the track and we both look down to see what's in the way.

It's Riley.  She just snuck into the shower and is standing there blinking up at me while getting dripped on. Chris has closed the door as if she's going to stay in there and we're having a confused conversation through the glass.

What is she doing?
Why did she jump in?
She never goes in voluntarily...
I know!

I asked Riley, but I didn't get an answer.  I thought maybe she needed to go out so Chris opened the door and invited her to potty.  She accepted.  I still don't know what the deal was.  She seems to just be in one of those moods.

DONE

Yes, I'm back.  For the fourth time today?  Don't worry, I'll get tired of this soon.  I just thought I'd drop in (again) to tell you that I finished my paper AND my March book.  And I'll be sleeping in tomorrow.  :D

HSIOW

This is entirely too convenient.  When I have the laptop nearby it is impossible not to write mini-blogs here and there.  I have almost five pages done, the paper is to be 5-7 pages total.  I have found other elements though I'm still focusing on my main one.  I have an hour left before it's time to go to Art History and I'm not sure I can spend that time working on my paper.  I'm finding that the gaps between sessions really help with clarity.  I might be terrible and work on my paper during class, though I don't expect to accomplish too much there.  Regardless, I think I can probably finish tonight.  Apart from collecting the quotes, I've spent about six hours on writing it already.  Three more should be plenty.

I suspect I'll do a lot of blobbing this weekend once this paper's out of the way.  I can't afford to slack off too much, though, since another paper is due in a couple weeks and I canned my own book proposal.  I will have some catching up to do but I expect I will not behave.  Maybe I should build a big break into all my school days- it's so hard to work at home.

Now I'm just writing for the sake of typing.

Favorite George Carlin acronym:

HSIOW- Holy Shit, It's Only Wednesday!

One major project halfway down, four to go.

At least another two hours of paper writing down.  I skipped Book Arts.  Now I'm gathering my stuff up again to go to school.  One class, then three hours of break to write more.  Hopefully this means I won't be up all night tonight finishing it.  I am going to work on Friday instead of Thursday so I can sleep in tomorrow- or get up and finish my paper, lol.  Hey, at least I didn't wait until tonight to start.

Ack! 18 minutes left!

Oh, good grief.  I spent all that time marking that one element and it turns out I need several elements.  Shoot.  I am going to try to point out different elements within my element, but I'll try to find some others too.  Poo.  Looks like I'll be bringing the laptop to school again tomorrow.  At least I finished my other homework and wrote a few pages of the paper.

Now I'm going to try to collect everything I will need in the morning so I have a chance in hell of being on time, then around 10 I'll take my shot and go finish my March book.  I have a big book that I think I'll save for May.  I bought The Hunger Games at the thrift store the other day- that will be my April book.  I've read a lot about it and Stephen King says it's

"A violent, jarring, speed-rap of a novel that generates nearly constant suspense... I couldn't stop reading."

That might be dangerous if I have to read other things, but I only have one book left for Literary Nonfiction and then just frickin frackin Art History and besides, it might be nice to burn through a book and finish it within the month.

Lost

Yesterday I went to my proposal writing class and waited outside for the other class to finish and leave.  As I stood in the hallway this girl came up, opened the door, and looked in.  I wondered what she was doing because she is not in my class.  When the class left, I went in and sat down.  My classmates wandered in and a few minutes after that, this girl came in and sat down.  This was the point where I knew she was in the wrong place and wondered when she would figure that out.  Yes, I could have said something, but I didn't.  Maybe she was a special guest.  Maybe she wanted to know what the class was like.  Unlikely, but whatever.

This girl sat in class looking around at my classmates.  I watched and waited for her to realize that these were not her classmates.  She looked at everyone for a long time, but never got up.  Instead, she pulled out her unrelated textbook and started flipping through it.  Our teacher came in, started class, and looked directly at this girl for a moment.  Being a nice person, she did not ask what this girl was doing and just went about teaching.  After several minutes (!) of the class being underway, the girl finally gathered her things and left the room.

I could certainly understand this boo boo on the first day or even the first week or even a little longer than that, but we have under five weeks of classes left- out of 16 total.  I wonder what was going on in her head.