I took Riley to the little dog park yesterday. It's finally been nice enough and I no longer have a Pit Bull to worry about. It was ok- Riley eventually left my side and found people to beg cookies from, and even found a little boy Pomeranian that she adored. She played with him, chased him, he chased her... it was very cute to watch. The problem was that it was the first time I have been to a dog park in a long time and even when I was going, I either had someone with me or knew some regulars. I was very aware of being there alone and being very uncomfortable.
I did talk to some people- most of whom were very nice- but you know how programmed we are to see the bad things. So Riley stopped for a drink at a water bowl that someone had set out. The common rule regarding water bowls at the dog park is that anyone's dog can drink, because we're all dog lovers and would be happy to help out any thirsty dog. There were many water bowls out. I had brought a bottle and a little bowl, but I didn't stop her from drinking. It was when she started nosing through someone's non-water bowl belongings (probably looking for cookies) that I called her to me. The water bowl owner, who had brought his own lawn chair and was clearly a regular, stopped his conversation to tell me in a snotty tone that she could have a drink, like I'm an evil dog mom that doesn't know how dog parks work and would rather have my dog go thirsty. I think if he'd had a nicer tone, I would have explained that I did let her drink and why I was calling her, but the little bit of snarl in his voice shook me, and I could not respond. I could feel him watching me, as he did not know me like he did the other people. I'm sure my discomfort showed and made me look even less familiar with the place than I am, but way to welcome someone new, asshole!
Aside from being uncomfortable and that guy, it was a nice time. There were lots of little dogs there that I got to meet, even if Riley was uninterested in most of them. All it takes is one, and she loved that Pomeranian. The negative part shook me pretty hard, though, and I was distracted and upset on the way home. Close to my door, I remembered this week's horoscope that I'd just read that morning. It was talking about the importance of taking what worked from an experience and chucking the rest. Solid advice right now. I keep thinking about Shannon's observation that my self-esteem must be in the toilet, and incidents like this seem to prove it. Why did that shake me so hard? It was actually a kind offer, even if only to my dog and not to me. This should be something that I brush off, not something that derails my day. How do you build confidence?
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