Yesterday, a coworker came over to join another coworker and I, ready to sneer some more at the so-called Obamacare. It still surprises me to find Republicans that are not rich, but there are lots of them here. At work, I try to not participate in political discussions because I have to spend so much time with these people that I already struggle to like some of them. When he came over, it was to provide yet another example of how jacked up it all is, and after all this shutdown nonsense, I was not in the mood to field another negative shot about Obama from somebody who had no answers or suggestions, just wanted to tear it all down. “How about we just… don’t,” I asked (a little bit snotty), but he was already on a roll. The example he gave this time was about a realtor and what they would have to pay for insurance under this plan. That was too much for me, because I have yet to meet a struggling realtor, especially here. I said as much, and he had a debate partner for a couple minutes. That went nowhere, as expected, and I asked again if we could just not discuss it, this time clearly annoyed.
A few minutes later, he asked if we had seen the new Walking Dead episode, and my other coworker said no, and not to spoil it for her.
“Sheesh, what CAN I talk to you two about?"
“Baby animals,” I replied.
Today, I was looking at an asinine, apocalyptic post on Facebook about Obama, and felt bad about how I had handled the situation yesterday. I brought a little bit of frustration. This morning, he came over to show me some changes coming down from the business services office, and we were right back onto healthcare. He said he saw an outside doctor, but kept the VA as a backup. I resisted the urge to comment on socialized medicine, and instead told him that I was not trying to be a jerk yesterday. He stopped me and said that he had been thinking about it afterwards, and wanted to tell me that a year ago I never would have said anything at all, just slunk back into my cubicle to avoid the conversation entirely. He said he was happy that I spoke my mind, even if he didn’t share my opinion. He thinks it has to do with being in this work environment, and maybe it partly does, but I’m sure it has more to do with not being in my relationship anymore. I have been growing more assertive over this last year, and I just got confirmation of that from someone who knows almost nothing about my life outside of work.
That makes me feel even more so that this friendship that recently hit the dirt was not so much me being an asshole, as has been suggested, but me being assertive. That’s what I really feel after taking time to think about it: sad about losing a friend, but disinclined to apologize for behavior that I feel was appropriate, kind, and caring. I think what’s fucked up there is the interpretation taken, and I can’t control that. I think the negative comments she made towards me belong where they came from, and I think the true problem is that I spoke up at all. That’s how I feel, but now the problem is how to let her know my response without overly explaining myself or actually being an asshole, which is REALLY tempting, but it’s more important to me to not return that favor.
I was just brought another editing project by a coworker. It was cute how he tried to argue semicolons with me.
Now, according to WebMD, my twitchy eyelid is caused by stress, lack of sleep, caffeine, or Tourette’s. I think it’s probably the FUCKSHITGODDAMMIT first three, don’t you?
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