Watched Cast Away last night- got it for Christmas. I first saw it with Mom and Marty in the theaters and I remember Mom wanting to talk about it. I did not want to talk about it because it had been a long movie that made me sad and I had to pee and two other major reasons:
1- I didn't know what I thought, and
2- I don't like anything at first.
Really. I did not like Cake at first, then they became my favorite band. I am a judgmental asshole. It's getting better- in the class on Thursday, there was a girl who was trying to take the lead: be the know-it-all, the volunteer, the teacher's pet. She also kept trying to point out that she was by far the youngest and lowest grade person in attendance. Actually, there were two others that were probably very close in age and grade as well, and how insulting to disregard us? As the day progressed, I found that she would not look at me unless I was not looking at her or if I spoke to her directly. She didn't like me. Everyone else seemed fine with each other, and I wondered what was going on. The instructor talked a lot about forging relationships and being able to get along- even with the people who rubbed you wrong. I suppose it was that acknowledgement, and perhaps reading the results of my strengths finder, that made me watch this girl and try to figure out what the problem was. Normally, when I meet someone and I can tell they don't like me, well, I just don't like them right back! Oh yeah? So there!
What I saw gradually, throughout the day, was that she saw me as competition. I think that was more on the level of age and wanting to be the one who knew all the answers and already knew the point to all the exercises. She also clearly found herself to be the cutest thing in the room and mentioned that she had tried out for Miss America twice. (Snarky comment: I'm not sure sure I would admit to trying out if I didn't make it. Why is that an accomplishment? Anyway.) So in watching her, sure enough- I recognized things in myself that I did not like. Some things I feel I have largely overcome, such as the need to blurt out anything that comes to mind, as if everything you say is brilliant and relevant. Some things I envied, like her motivation and confidence, things that can be serious challenges for me.
Detachment helped me see all this, and yet I don't think I will always- or even often- be capable of not taking things personally. At least I got to see how much it helps. And I was not offended! How new is that?
Jennyway, so back to Cast Away. No good transition there, just thought that was neat. End of tangent.
Cast Away stuck with me, and I saw it two more times before last night. Each time, more stood out or revealed its relevance. Things like the title: it's Cast Away, not Castaway. Or why the movie is constructed the way it is- why it's so long and why it includes time before and after the island, or the weight of responsibility for another's life, even during a plane crash. This time, I was even more affected by the loss in relationships, both with Wilson and Kelly. It is funny to find yourself sobbing along with Chuck as he shouts apologies to a volleyball, but watching Wilson drift away into the enormous ocean is heartwrenching, and I found myself with an understanding of what that felt like.
At the end of the movie, Chuck is talking to a friend about losing hope on the island and the point at which he knew he had to keep breathing, to survive regardless of the outcome. He talks about how he was never going to get off the island, yet here he was with ice in his glass... and he'd lost Kelly all over again. He's suffered these profound losses- and who could imagine surviving all that to come back to a love that's moved on- and yet he's sitting there, calm, even though he has been cut loose and has no home to go to, no anchors. He tells his friend, "I know what I have to do," because he already learned it once on the island- he has to keep breathing. You'd think the biggest challenge of his life would be surviving on the island, but surprisingly, it's coming back home, finding there is none, and being able to suffer that without giving up entirely. He doesn't panic and the lesson is so deeply forged- drilled down to the core of basic needs- that it's almost automatic. He knows that tomorrow the sun will rise. "Who knows what the tide could bring?"
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