Lurch

All the players were super skilled, even the really short guy nicknamed, of course, “Too Tall.”  The weirdest player was this guy who was a giant.  I mean, a GIANT.  He towered over BASKETBALL PLAYERS.  I think he was about eight feet tall.  When I saw him run out onto the court, I thought that he was not going to be a stellar player.  He was not, but he didn’t have to be.  His job was to get under the basket and just bat the shot attempts down to his teammates.  Periodically, he’d do a layup or a dunk, but he didn’t have to put in much effort.  During one of the moments when he was supposed to be making the shot, they played “The Addams Family” theme song.  The comparison was not lost on anyone, I’m sure.  Have you ever seen people like this who look like it hurts to be that big?  His neck was always leaning forward and he reminded me of a Great Dane- you know, how you can watch the intention to move travel through their body and their body is slow to follow?

Sadly, the funniest thing to me was unrelated to basketball and reveals that my sense of fine comedy could easily be sated by America’s Funniest Home Videos.  Somewhere in the second half, they brought out Globie’s big brother, who was probably the same person in a much larger, inflatable costume.  Think about how big normal mascot costumes are and then think about what I mean by much bigger.  Globie’s moves were impressive, but Globie’s big brother could wing that inflatable head around in time to music.  He could dance, but his most impressive move by far was when he ran towards the fans sitting courtside, fake tripped, and fell flat on his inflatable face.  Hard.  I thought I was going to choke.  He timed it so well that he smacked the floor RIGHT in front of these people- any closer and his hat would have hit their knees.  I’m snorting over here, remembering that as I write.  He did that four or five times in different directions, providing us varying views of him falling down.  It’s embarrassing to say that this is what entertained me the most, but it was just so funny to watch him run, run, run, SMACK!  This guy had to be THROWING himself to the floor and I have no idea how he wasn’t hurting himself.  You’d think he’d have some kind of protection in there, but he also had lots of freedom to move around in there to make the giant inflatable mascot break dance.  Spun on his head and everything.  It was crazy.

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